Tuesday, May 1, 2012

A day in Lists

I think I have ADD today because I have too many topics and my brain is hopping around like crazy. So I did a list form so I could get it all out of my head. Good luck reading this.

1. Thought our TV was dead today. When we turned it on, the picture came on fine, but the sound was just really loud static. I panicked (at this moment, I realized how sad it was that we need our TV. Worst Mom of the Year...)Then, because I have super awesome maintenance skills, I decided to turn the device off and then back on again. (Oh yes, I have had training...can't you tell?) All was good. Simultaneous sigh of relief was heard.

Evan: "Whew, Mommy! You fixed the TV! You are the best fixer. Almost like Daddy. (HA! Give me an aircraft and I bet I could be better than Daddy...well, maybe.) What would we have done without TV today?"
Me: "I have no idea."

2. You know when it's time to shower after you pull the hairband holding a ponytail out and your hair is still a ponytail. Oh yeah...I'm a hot Mom. The curls aren't even curls...more like knots and tangles. I feel gross and slightly embarrassed because I'm admitting this. I even spilled some leftover sloppy joe on my shirt from lunch. Pretty sure I won't be winning beauty awards any time soon. (My husband still likes me, so who cares. At least that's what I'm telling myself.)

3. It's Bug Week in Evans classroom and he's supposed to bring bugs into school. He's more scared than I am when it comes to bugs (my fear is pretty epic. But then again, Evan is scared of birds. He claims they are "going to peck his eyes out."). And since my day is spent avoiding anything creepy and gross, it's been a challenge. I actually scooped a bug up the other day (horrifying yellow beetle thing that tried to burrow in the dirt, I wanted to beat it with my shovel, but I managed to contain my bug rage and put it in a jar.)

Evan was asking Jay how to catch bugs. Jay told him to send me outside and they'll come out. Apparently I have the ability to spot a bug no matter where I am, but I think they flock to the one that fears them the most. My husband is getting a bit frustrated when I make him kill the spiders I find in the house. I find at LEAST 1 every day. He keeps accusing me of "looking" for them. Seriously? Duh....of course I look for them. Like I'm going to let them crawl into my mouth while I'm sleeping or get stuck in my very curly hair. I am terrified of feeling tiny spider legs running across my skin. Plus, it's not like their paying rent to live on my wall. Smash City for bugs that make it into my house.  

4. Me: "Evan, you can eat in the living room but don't make a mess."
    Evan: "Why? What will happen?"
    Me: "I'll make you clean it up."
    Evan: "Why does everything happen to me?"

5. We took a family bike ride last night and I swear it felt like 8 miles (I'm guessing it was more like 2) because my butt and thighs were numb! Decided that it was such a good workout that I would do it again this morning. Bad idea. I think my butt is so sore from the seat that I may have butt blisters. I'm not actually going to check, too scared of what I may see. Not blister wise, but no need to freak myself out over the amount of cellulite hiding there.

6. I make the best caffeinated drinks. When I'm fully caffeinated, I can handle all sorts of crap my day throws at me. And I can do it with a smile. I start with a delicious iced coffee, first thing in the morning. Dump coffee, ice and half a gallon of chocolate syrup in a cup. Pour in some milk and BAM...happiness CAN be found in a cup. Then for the second portion of my day- Pink Lemonade in a cup, add Crystal Light Wild Strawberry (Energy Packets), and stir. Hits the bloodstream fast and I swear it's so much caffeine and sugar, I start to vibrate. Jalon thinks it's bad that I need so much caffeine in my day, but I'm pretty sure that's the only reason I'm not in a straight jacket. It's my happy juice.

7. Evan: "If you don't do something for me, I won't be doing something for you."
    Me: "What are you talking about."
    Evan: "If you want me to help clean, then your going to need to let me ride my bike."
    Me: "Are you negotiating your chores with me?"
    Evan: "What's 'gotiate mean?"
    Me: "Let's try this again...do your chores, then you can ride your bike."
    Evan: "Today's Tuesday. You told me Tuesday we won't clean."
    Me: "Sunday's we don't clean. Nice attempt."
    Evan: "Fine...(insert gigantic 5 year old sigh here with some stomping of feet) But I don't like it."
    Me: "Then stop making a mess and you wouldn't have to clean it."
    Evan: "That's just what kids do Mommy."

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