Women and the Crap We Carry

So I have a slight rant/vent here. It's to myself as well, so don't go getting in a huff, but read and understand some frustrations here. I work as a cashier sometimes and when women come to the counter, I cringe a little because I know what's about to happen.

And, once again, before the huffing and hawing starts, this does not apply to every woman.

I had to learn my lesson the hard way with chocolate eggs. Now I have a purse with pockets.

1. Your going to toss your gigantic bag on the counter. I do mean almost life-sized. I have 3 kids, so I understand the need to carry a bunch of crap with you at all times. But seriously, if I can fit all 3 kids in my bag then it's time to knock me out with it.

2. You will dig through that gigantic bag looking for your check card. And if it's a checkbook, Please Leave Now. Welcome to 2012 and the era of the scanny card thing. Please upgrade. Please.

Another slight rant about checks. I can't believe how long it takes to fill these crappy pieces of paper out. Then you have to dig out your ID and let's admit, is no easy task. Finally, you spend the next 5 minutes filling out the front part of your checkbook so you don't forget how much you spent. Really? I could have made a loaf of bread, filed my nails, crafted something useless and helped the enormous mob that's starting to form behind you.

3. You will remove an entire WAD of old receipts, food items, and wallets (yes, as in more than 1). How many wallets do you have? I have 1. And not nearly enough cards to fill that one full. I don't know how they do it, but when they look for a specific card, it's crazy how many they have (I've even seen Borders Cards still, they have been closed for almost a year...time to let it go. Maybe even time to seek therapy). I think some women collect these cards just for pure entertainment maybe for a display someday. Or a Pinterest craft of some sort. But the line that's forming behind you starts to grab their pitchforks, I think it's time to downsize. Just a smidgen.

As a side note. If you leave old receipts laying around, I will look at them and giggle at all your purchases. And by the way, you shouldn't have spent that much on tampons. There are coupons you know.

4. When it's time to finally sign the receipt, the 10 pounds of old crap you dug out of your leather parcel, is hiding the pen and you will stomp and sigh until I give you mine. (Mine. As in "safe from all customer bacteria so please do not touch. Ever"). You will say it's because I "didn't give you one" and then I make a point of digging under all your shit to show you that YES I DID. (Please, go ahead and roll your eyes at me when I make this point. I'm cool with it. Not my fault you are a complete and utter slob.) I've even been told that "that's such a bad place for a pen". Really? I bet if it was up your...never mind.

5. Finally, it's time to pack up. I've bagged your purchases and placed them all nicely on the counter 20 minutes ago, and your still packing as if your moving out. Now is NOT the time to organize that hoard but next time, try a purse with pockets maybe. I don't know how you fit all the crap inside. I'm assuming there's a spell you say while packing or maybe it all just fits because you have the Mary Poppins gene. Lucky you.

And this does happen. Every. Single. Time.

Maybe you are the ONE special person that doesn't do this. I'm thrilled for you. Now go teach every other woman in your life to do how you do what you do. (This sentence is getting on my nerves but I'm totally leaving it here so it can bug someone else.)