Thursday, September 27, 2012

Silly Robots, stay off Craigslist!

I hunt Craigslist often. Mostly for free crap that I can turn into something good. Sometimes I look for more specific items.

And other times, I just look.

If you haven't been on Craigslist, I suggest you head over there. If not for something useful, I'm sure you could use a laugh or two and Craigslist always provides.

Or maybe you're a missed connection! How cool! Or maybe you post in the "casual encounters". *shudder* Even more entertaining when they include pictures! I'm amazed at what people will put out there on the Internet. I do put some interesting pictures on my blog, but I keep it PG. Craigslist should be rated R with a side of "your eyes may never forget this" tossed in.

For some reason today has been different. Today, my Craigslist experience was filled with robots.

I wasn't looking for them, but came across different "robot" posts so often, I had to take pictures.

Here, I can prove it:

I'm not sure if you can even read this, but they are looking for people to dress up as robots to go dancing. Do it. You know you want to. I would, but I don't have enough cardboard and tinfoil.

This sounds like a dream. It's a donut robot. Makes 60-80 donuts an hour.
I'm going to need bigger pants.

Tin Can Robots. I like the cone boobs. Good call.
What's a girl robot without funnels for boobs?
Careful, they look sharp.

Maybe you have a kid that desires to be a robot.
It makes me think "alien" more than "robot" but who cares?
It's on a baby and their cute no matter what they wear.
Besides poop. No one is cute wearing poop.

This guy is just weird. I was going to write down some of what he said, in case you couldn't read it, but it doesn't actually make any sense. I couldn't get through it without my brain trying to shut down. It was like reading another language.
A robot language?
Probably a "too many pills and too many people in my head talking at once" type of language.

See what I mean about the Robots today?

Be careful on there.

There's a whole lot of crazy that's on Craigslist, just looking to hunt you down and suck you into its world.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Jalon and Danielle- Part 1

I've decided to do this.

To tell our tale.

It is not the most romantic tale. It will not make your heart flutter and want to cry sappy tears of joy over our love story.

But it's ours and it's special to us.

I'm going to tell most of it. Some parts may be glazed over a bit, because life isn't always exciting and wonderful. I'm pretty sure you'll get my drift.

I joined the military in 2001.

Oofta...look at that hair! And those glasses! Rawr...who could resist? My Dad is looking at me as if he's scared to take me in public. I couldn't blame him.

Made it through Basic training (barely) and shuffled through technical school with a passing grade and two random "boyfriends". They both left school before I did and headed off into the world, never knowing if we would ever see each other again, so really whats the point?

Up to this point, I never really had a boyfriend. Not a long term one. By long term, I mean more than 4-6 weeks. In high school, I wasn't the most popular girl, I wasn't the most outspoken or the best looking. I just got through it. I remember having tons of crushes but I was too chicken to do much about it. I'm pretty sure I would have stalked them like crazy if we had Facebook back then, but the best I could do was stalk them in the hallways and stare at them in classrooms.'s a shock that I never dated.

Well, that and the fact that I looked like this:

This was the day after Prom. Go parents had the beat the boys off with a stick.
 I'm amazed we didn't have to pay my date to take me to Prom.

After technical school, I received my orders for Edwards Air Force Base in California. I was so excited! I had so many dreams of what California was going to look like. Beaches, palm trees, the warm sun and lots and lots of ocean views.

When I got there, instead of the postcard beauty I had pictured, all that surrounded the base was hundreds of Joshua Trees, a dry lake bed and lots and lots of dry, crusty tumbleweeds. I had landed right in the middle of the Mojave desert with a sun that licked your skin dry with it's hot, flaming tongue.

I had barely arrived and I was ready to head out.

It was November of 2001. I had just turned 21 in October. I didn't get out often but did meet a few new people, because we're in a dorm room that's in the middle of nowhere. What else are you going to do besides hang out together? I didn't have a TV, so I went to the day room a lot to watch whatever happened to be on with whatever random strangers happened to be in there at that moment.

One night, I went to the day room to watch TV. I had brought a book with me as a backup in case someone was watching something crappy on TV. I'm kind of a nerd like that. I bring a book everywhere.

What I didn't know, was there was a party going on. A big, dorm party and I just walked into the middle of it as the new girl that didn't know anyone.

Being social is not my idea of a great time. I have a little social anxiety and was so nervous around that many people that I did not know. But there was alcohol involved and that helps me open up. I usually don't talk unless someone talks to me. I sit there, back against the wall, hoping that someone approaches me and worrying that if/once they do, what I will say.

And that's when I met him.

He approached me and introduced himself. Then Jalon talked to me about the dunes, his jeep and his home and was one of the most friendly people I had met so far. I also realized this was the guy that people had warned me about. Yes, I did get warned about a few guys, mostly for "playing" girls. He was in that bunch. But he was so nice and attractive that I threw all caution out the window. Jalon seemed to know I was shy and took it upon himself to make me feel welcome and comfortable. I fell for him quickly. I decided to make him mine. I was going to put him in my pocket and make him my boyfriend.

Handsome, isn't he? That smile....*sigh*

Except he was taken. By the nicest girl I had ever met. In fact, I wanted to be her friend so much that I decided to avoid all conversations with this boy.

I didn't want to make enemies my first month being there. I really just wanted to have some friends. So when she approached me about talking to Jay, I backed off immediately. In fact, I backed off so much that when he came to talk to me, I smacked him. Or slapped him. In the face. Not hard, more playful like...but, he wasn't thrilled with me. I was mortified. Still am to this day. (I'm sorry honey!)

From that point on, I made more friends and became friends with Jalon, but that was all we were for a few months. He had split with the nicest girl I had met and she started seeing someone new. I had been dating someone else, but it was a waste of time and ended quickly.

All I could do was watch him and want to be around him. He had (still has) this energy that makes people surround him and just want to be part of his world. Months would go by until I would finally get my chance. Months of staring at him, hanging out with him, wishing he would wake up one day, look at me and realize we were supposed to be together.

An opportunity arose. A friend and I had planned a camping trip. We wanted to go in the desert to camp, but were unsure where to go and how to go about doing this. Who do we ask? Jalon, of course. The man that camped in the desert lots of time, just for fun. He even had tents! We asked him if he wanted to get a group together to go camping for a weekend. He said yes and plans were underway. Tons of friends were joining us in this camping trip and for once I wasn't nervous about being around this many people.

I was too busy plotting.

Plotting on how to turn Jalon-Friend into Jalon-Boyfriend.

I worked so many different scenarios in my mind...and I didn't even need to.

It went better than I planned. Maybe it was because I was the only girl there that first night...but he kissed me. It was after he fed me a line that was complete and utter bologna and I ate it up like it was candy wrapped in gold.

"I just want to have someone to wake up to in the morning". Yeah...right.

It may have been the few too many drinks I had that night, but that one line, bought me. Forever.

Apparently, I don't require a lot. Just mix in a few cheesy lines, some alcohol, a squeeze of lime and *poof*, I'm yours. No shaking required.

That weekend....was the best weekend ever. The weekend was full of bonfires, friends, alcohol induced hilarity and I think a port-o-potty that went up in flames...don't ask.

After this weekend, we were officially dating. Jay worked the night shift then, so we didn't spend a ton of time together, but every weekend, we spent those together.

That's it! There's more...lots more. I'll give you more later. I will make a part 2 if anyone is actually interested in reading it. It was a blast to write it down. It's funny to remember it all...seems like it was so long ago.

Oh wait...10 years is a long time. Crap. I'm getting old.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Sorry it's been so long and you missed me =).

Admit it, you missed me?

I've been gone for a few days. Sick days and mental health days. I hate being sick!

I feel like I've been completely off my game this past few weeks. First the depression I sunk into that lasted about a week, then I felt better for a bit, only to catch a cold from my dear children. Thankfully, it seems to be passing quickly. I feel 10 times better today than I have in awhile. More myself finally.

Which means, time to get back on a schedule. I planned out meals for the next two weeks, I've cleaned the house and I have lots of projects underway.

UPDATES: Just in case you're interested...if not, I'm not sure what to tell you.

My uncle has a section in an antique store and he said I could add my projects to his spot to sell them. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I hope someone likes them enough to buy them. Not really sure where I plan on going with this, but for once I'm just going to roll with it. I will just keep hunting for items that need some love, fix them up and attempt to sell them.

Here's my most recent project. Found the quote on Pinterest and just went with it. I adore it. I almost wish I could keep it....

I did get outside to take some pictures. Not many. I have no patience, but I did take a few.

I keep them trapped in their cage. Like animals. Safer for the rest of the world this way. Trust me.

He's half monkey.

But a cute monkey.

We seem to be the only house on the block that has a tree turning color already. This was a few days ago, now the tree looks like it's on fire. I love autumn.

Not sure why, but this is his favorite place to play cars.

I like his face here. It seems to say, "Why are you taking my picture, lady? Did you ask my permission? I'm just trying to play here..."
Have you been on Give it a try, if you like to laugh.
I used that same idea on my toddlers.
They get into trouble daily.
It's awesome.
Not really awesome, but I had fun with this part.

I don't think they understand the "shaming" portion, but it works for me.
I felt much better after this.
I like books.
When you are a big reader with no income, you have to work with it.
That means heading to the library every two weeks to stock up.
And stock up I did!
Hopefully this will last two weeks...I read way to fast.
But the library has some good ones.
Downside: They don't have everything. Like, Ann Rice. I will find you one of these days.

My stack of books. 2 down already. A few more to go then I get to go back for more!
There's so many to read, I can't fit them all in my bag!
I'm sorry, but that's all I have for you. I'm pretty boring lately. Haha...who am I trying to kid? I'm pretty boring always. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A Poem for Fall

It's September, it's finally Fall!
My very favorite season.
It's so cool, colorful and crisp,
I need no other reason.

The trees are so beautiful,
the reds, oranges and bright yellow all abound.
They look like flames burning in the sun
I wish we had more trees around.

Halloween is getting closer,
costumes, candy and pumpkins to carve.
Fall baking, warm stews and toasty breads to bake,
No one living with me will starve.

But Hark! What's that I hear?
"Sniffle-sniffle, cough-cough- HACK!"
Oh NO! Not again!!!!
The cold and flu season is also back!

Oh crap, time to arm up and prepare for battle!
Stock up on syrups, Kleenex and Vick's.
Time for little sleep and lots of germs.
Because now my kids will take turns being sick.

This season used to be my favorite
The very best of them all.
Now I've learned to dread and fear it,
The very sick and germy fall.

The air, so crisp and cool
Brings chills and fevers on windy wings.
You can't out run this scary sickness
And all the disgusting crap it brings.

The crunchy, dead leaves, brightly aflame
start their gentle descent with a rapid grace,
as infection, similar to the black plague
seeps, quickly, into every crack and place.

There's no escaping this disease,
not enough Purell or soap in here.
Vitamin C and Echinacea won't save you
just brace yourselves with a healthy dose of fear.

It's always the same
Every single year.
When the first school bell rings
You know that sickness is near.

We will pass illness around
from person to person, house to house.
It will sneak up from behind
as quiet as a tiny, filthy mouse.

Just when you think your family is safe,
that you may make it through, healthy and well,
"sniffle-sniffle, cough-cough- HACK!"
You will be reminded that cold season is BACK!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Seriously Monday?

Monday may be trying to kick my ass.

All weekend, it's been fairly normal- get up with kids, eat, play, blah blah blah.

Today, I get up at 7 a.m. and Evan is hacking like he has the plague. Not a good sign. Not sure if it's just allergies or the beginning of a cold.

The twins aren't awake yet. We have to leave in order to drop Evan off at school around 7:45 a.m.
On the weekends the twins wake up at 6:30. Screaming, jumping like crazy and ready for the day.

Today, of course, I had to shake them awake at 7:50. I wake Declan up, pop him in the car with Evan and then head in for Morgan.

I try to get going early because the school drop-off is absolute chaos. Now it's 7:55 and school starts at 8:10.

Morgan is awake, but sitting there staring at me quietly. It's a big weird for her to be that quiet in the morning and I start to wonder why. Then I walk into the room and figure it out all on my own. How?
She smells. REALLY bad.

I think, "hey, it can't be that bad. This can wait until we get home. It's just poop, it's not going anywhere."

But I'm an idiot. Because we are running late, it's a Monday and I hate dealing with 800 other parents in school drop-off, of course I touch her I realize that poop is leaking out everywhere. So I have to change her. And she's screaming because it must have been there for a bit and now she has a rash. I slap a new outfit on her (think hot pink sweatsuit- it's in the 50's today so it's cool enough) and we roll out.

And we pull up to the school at 8:05. The WORST time to arrive. I had to narrowly escape 2 near collisions with teenagers trying to get to their school down the road (their car had a hanger as an antenna, never seen that done on a car before...), just to get to the line that we would sit in waiting for parents to FINALLY say goodbye to their children. I already did a blog post regarding this part. Think Target on Black Friday, except you don't walk away with a flat screen TV.

Parents- you don't need to watch your child get through the doors. Get them out of the car and go away. Done. That's it. It's simple. There are helpers there to make sure children walk through the doors. Drive off now. You are taking up a TON of time, sitting there in your car while the rest of us wait on you.

I tell Evan to tuck and roll and we drive by and wave. Never had to even stop the car.

Morgan says "good-bye Eban" and you hear her make kissy noises. Declan starts screaming (with what I believe to be joy) and we're off. Takes us under 30 seconds to do drop-off. I think I may have the world record.

Well, it's almost that good. I do have to open the door for him because I can't figure out how to turn off the child-proof lock on my door. Stupid safe doors.

I wish they had a giant body guard, with a bat, that would stand there and if you take too long dropping off your child, he starts by taking out your headlights. Then moves on to your doors. And he would also control the weirdos that try to go the "wrong" way just because they think they are better than everyone else and don't need to wait in the line. There would need to be 3 bodyguards, at least, for this job.

I would probably park my car and bring coffee for that show.

Monday, you may have won this round, but it's not over yet!

I just cursed myself...and I still have to do pick-up with all the same crazy people. Crap.

I'm going to need more caffeine.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Confessions for Wednesday

I have a few things I would like to admit...because I feel like we're friends now.

After you read these, you may or may not want to be my friend anymore.

Some days, when I'm really gross and I have to go out in public,
I put on workout clothes and try to act as if I came from the gym.
I even walked to the school to pick Evan up so I could work up a really good sweat.
More realistic that way.

Halloween is coming up, which means I get to watch some of my favorite movies.
Are they super scary ones?
Not even a little.
I get nightmares too easily.
I like Halloween Town, Casper and Hocus Pocus.
Yes...I know, say what you will.
Don't care.
My husband doesn't need me jumping up and alerting him to every noise I hear while I imagine that we're under attack or a rogue alien came by for a random abduction.
I do this often enough.
Add a scary movie and now we're sleeping with the lights on, TV on and I'm sleeping in the middle of the bed with a stick in my hand.
Fruity Pebbles is my favorite cereal.
It's also Evan's favorite cereal.
I constantly tell him we are out of it so it lasts longer.
I'm such a bad Mommy.
Same goes for the ice cream though.
All mine.
I share...sometimes.

When I'm cleaning the house, I tend to do it in shifts.
And in between those shifts I reward myself.
I give myself 15 minute breaks to read chapters from my book.
It takes longer for me to get things done, but I deserve a present.

Apparently Evan and I both are sleepwalkers.
I take care of the kids in my sleep or shut doors that are open.
He tries to use the laundry chute as a toilet in his sleep.
I caught him just in time.
I'm shuddering while I wonder how many times I didn't catch him.

I've already watched Polar Express because I like Christmas.
And the movie is so cute I get teary while watching it.
I'm a bit of a mess.
Christmas starts early in this house.
Maybe not decor wise, because I'm lazy, but music and movies start in October.

I'm already putting up Halloween decor.
It's my favorite holiday.
I like to make it last as long as possible.

I'm also anxious for cold weather.
I think that if I make chili and cookies, I'm going to bring the cold weather here quicker.
I don't care that it's 95 degrees outside!
I'm making a pot roast and wearing my fall sweater!

I think my family is getting sick of my Harry Potter obsession.
I will watch it whenever it's on.
No matter how many times I've seen it before.
I watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone 3 times in a row yesterday.
It was on HBO all day so it's not just my fault.

I like to talk with accents.
I'm really bad at it and get stuck on them easily.
Drives Jay up the wall.
Therefore, I will never stop trying.

I never shave above the knee.
Why bother?

Did I gross you out with that one?
I had to put something interesting in here.
Confessions aren't truly interesting unless it's something you don't really want people to know.
But I'm a little boring.
This is really all I have.

At least your not stuck with me, like my poor husband.
He's trapped.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Today is different. Today we will never forget.

I wasn't quite sure I wanted to post this. Everyone has a story, about where they were and what they were doing today.

9/11 is a date that remains locked in my memory perfectly. It breaks my heart when I think about all the people that had to go through this in New York and the ones that lost family members. I can't imagine...

There are moments when you just want to grab your kids and spouse and lock yourselves in your room for the day. Just to be thankful that you still have each other and are able to be together.

I don't usually have such a hard time with words but today I'm struggling.

All over Facebook, you can see people that remember, people that would rather not remember, and people telling others where they were that day and what they were doing.

I'm going to put it up here because this is the day I remember better than I remember my own wedding day. Probably because I was terrified. (I was a little bit terrfied on my wedding day, but it passed quickly).

I was in the military. I had just signed up that past May. I was finished with Basic Training and had started Technical School for my job training, located in Texas and we were in class that morning.

I remember that we were working on an engine for class, when someone came over and told us a plane crashed into a building. There was no panic at this point. Not yet. There weren't TV's, just word of mouth. We heard of plane crashes often because we are the mechanics and they tell us so we know how important our job is. No one knew what kind of aircraft or what this meant. We had no idea.

It happened quickly after that. The panic set in. They didn't tell us much. It was "grab your shit and line up". So we did. We lined up at the door and our instructors weren't there anymore. It was unusual to be on our own since we usually had someone there telling us what to do next. All of a sudden, someone came out and gave us a quick briefing about how we needed to get back to our dorm rooms immediately. As quickly as we could.

I had no idea what was going on, but I remember being terrified.

We usually marched, in formation, back to our dorms. This day, as we were marching, an instructor was with us and told us to start running until we reached our dorms. At first I thought he was joking. But then he started to yell at us and told us to get back as quickly as possible. And we did. I ran as if someone was chasing me, scared half to death, to the point where you don't even feel your legs moving anymore and wonder if you'll trip and fall.

To this day, I have no idea why they made us run.

I made it back to my dorm and went to our tiny common room to watch the TV. That's when I noticed what was going on. We all sat there in shock for hours. I don't remember if we ate, I don't remember if we talked. Lots of shock and lots of tears. I remember trying to call home. I talked to my Mom. When I first joined the military, my Mom wasn't thrilled but she was relieved that I went in when it wasn't during a war. After talking to her that day, I remember her being worried I was going to be sent somewhere dangerous for awhile. I didn't have a clue what was going to happen and I started to get nervous too.

(But I was a mechanic on jet engines in the Air Force. We didn't deploy as often as others did, maybe we weren't needed as much? I spent 5 years in California and another 2 in Nebraska.)

9/11 is an emotional day still, 11 years later. I can't believe it's been that long. It feels like it happened last year.

I watch the footage they show, every year, on TV.

I'm in shock, every year, over what I see.

I cry, every year, over the loss of families, loved ones and children.

I can't imagine how hard it was for those that lost a loved one that day. Or families wondering if their loved ones were safe or not. Moving on after this happened would have to be hard as well.

I don't think you ever forget. No matter what you were doing or where you were this day. It's hard to talk about, to write about and to remember. But ignoring it, doesn't make it go away. I'm had another post I meant to put on here today but I couldn't do it. Today is different. And while I'm still going to spend my day, cleaning house and taking care of my kids, in the back of my mind I will remember today, 11 years ago and it will still bring tears to my eyes.

Don't ever forget. Remember those, that risked all to save/help others. Those are the true hero's that I want my kids to know. Not the Spiderman, Superman or Batman ones, but the real ones that actually risk their lives to save others. Those are the ones that make a difference in our world.

I'm sorry this isn't my usual humorous post. Hope you like it anyway. =)

Monday, September 10, 2012

Maybe Monday?

It isn't a question about whether it's actually Monday or not. It's more like "Maybe I'll actually accomplish something" Monday. This weekend was an odd one. I sunk into a small pit of depression for a bit. Managed to swim out just fine, but it was dark in that hole. Lots of self-doubt, guilt and tears in there. I was so tired and cold, I could hardly get up and do anything. So my housework suffered a great deal.

If I had actually done something this weekend, like for example "restocking the toilet paper". Maybe I wouldn't have had that awkward moment doing the half-naked shuffle to the other bathroom in hopes that I could sew the last few stray pieces together to make a whole sheet, while my children looked at me and laughed. Morgan even said "naked". Good job using your words honey.

So I have a bit of work to do today. I'm going to dedicate this WHOLE day to catching up on my house work. I'll let you know how that goes...I'm going to guess not well. I get distracted easily.
I finished another project. I think it turned out OK. I'm going to finish the other two and maybe sell them.
Here's what the first one looks like:

Found the quote on Pinterest. The key was purchased when I went antiquing a few weeks ago. Hot glued that puppy on there and I think it looks alright. The wood is from the garage. We think they were old wall panels. Jay cut some for me and I glued them together. Sanded, stained and painted. This one took me about a week to finish.

This post is going to be a quick one. My cleaning To-do is a long one. I don't know how I'm going to accomplish a lot with the twins walking behind me in destruction mode, but I can't get away with duct taping them to the wall, so we'll just have to make do.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have a better post for you all.

Friday, September 7, 2012

100th POSTING!!

This is my 100th POST on my blog!


Do I have anything vital to say?

Anything important for this gigantic, huge posting?


I do have something I created for fun though. Not serious, just funny to me.

Now that Evan is in school, all I have now is 2 2-year olds. Bleh. That's a lot of toddler running around. It's an adventure.

So I came up with some tips for those that may be in a similar boat with babies/toddlers, but unsure about how to arm yourselves properly. It takes training, not just military training, but years of training and experience to get to a skill level that I have achieved. Oh yes...I'm at a high skill level. How do I know this? Because I'm not in a jacket with little buckles and in a padded room yet. So far, so good.

Here's my training guide, created by me, just for you!

The Beginners Guide to Getting Through the Terrible Two's:

1. When they cry- don't go running. You will just encourage it. Trust me...they will come find you. How do I know this? I'm lazy. Plus, they will need somewhere to wipe the body fluids that are now running down their faces. They will then notice that you are wearing your last clean, presentable shirt and will have to wipe snot and tears all over it, which you won't notice until you are out in public later that day and wonder why everyone is staring at your shoulder area.

2. Don't bother feeding them anything that isn't on the Toddler-Approved Eating Chart. They will hand these out when they turn two. Follow it or face the consequences. Most loved foods- Corn dogs and Cheerios. Anything else is forbidden. If I try to put anything else on their plates, it will be hidden somewhere in the dark recesses of my kitchen table, left to mold and stink up my kitchen.

3. They will only poop in freshly changed diapers. Don't bother waiting to change them. You may know a poop is coming. Scary stuff when you can anticipate it. But the longer you wait, the longer they will hold it. You know it's going to happen. The second you change that darn diaper, they are going to find a corner and let it rip.

4. Be sure to have their favorite TV shows recorded at all times. If a tantrum is in full-blown mode, nothing else will cure it. Only long saved episode of Caillou, that you've already watched 25 times this week, will stop that shrill screaming. The second you even consider putting on Mickey Mouse, the tantrum will escalate into nuclear and the alarms will sound. There's nothing that will help you after this point. Unless you have Prozac. That will help you go away mentally for a bit.

5. Make no plans out loud. Ever. The second you say them out loud, the plotting shall begin. You want to have an enjoyable morning of finding garage sales? Well, they will puke all over your car, ruining your upholstery and your entire day. Just surprise everyone. It's easier that way. Your husband may have some objections to this, but eventually, he will get on board once he realizes the level of their plotting.

6. The grocery store is the ONLY store that the Toddlers can stand. Mostly because you're stocking up on more Cheerios and Corn dogs for them. But this may build your confidence up and you may even consider taking them to a REAL store to get some shopping done. WARNING- DO
NOT FALL FOR IT! Take them into Kohls, just one time, and they will shatter any images you created of shopping with charming, quiet children, and then make you fear ever going out in public again.

7. They are similar to dogs. If you have ever had a dog and said a word like "treat" or "outside", I'm sure you can picture the circles they would do or the whining/panting routine that would happen until you follow through with said action. Guess what? Those are my kids. Except the whining turns into screaming, followed by an extreme tantrum, if I don't follow through. Words to avoid in my house: treat, ranch, cookie, ice cream, outside, pizza, Caillou, juice, water, milk....this should cover the basics. And the ranch, it's as in ranch dressing. Morgan would drink ranch as a meal if I let her. My poor husband gags every time she spoons it up and eats it.

8. They are impossible to photograph unless you bribe them heavily or get them when they are too exhausted to move. You must have an expensive camera that has a sports function on it. Or else, it's just a blur or some fuzz.

9. You're better off never getting them dressed, unless you know FOR SURE that other humans may see them. If you dress them, you'll notice that the laundry pile multiplies rapidly because they will do everything in their power to destroy what they are wearing for the day. It may be a body fluid of some sort, food/juice, paint, or mud. They will find something. It's just not worth it. Keep your house at a nice 75 degrees and tell everyone that your on lock down for a year.

10. Watch what you say. This is the most important one. Read carefully. You are like a magic wizard. If you say the words out loud, the world will shift. You may feel it in the atmosphere, like static electricity. The lights may flicker just a bit and you'll feel a rumble under your feet. There may even be lightning or thunder to accentuate the words that come out your mouth. If you say something like "My kids have been sleeping through the night" or "We've had no tantrums lately", it's like you're asking for it. Those words should never be spoken. You may not even want to think them in your head. I'm scared just writing it on here. The second you say it, it's as if your asking the universe to screw up your whole world and now everyone will be up all night and then because their tired, they will tantrum all day long. Ok, I'm done talking about this one now. (I'm going to spend the rest of the day with my fingers crossed now.)

Ok. That's all I have for my 100TH POST!!!

Seriously, if you've stuck with me for 100 postings, you may be my best friend or family, but I love you. I can't believe I've stuck with this for that long. They may not be the best read you've ever had, but I'm having so much fun coming up with crap on here.

Thanks for sticking with me. =)

You're my hero.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

First Day of School?

You would have thought I said first day of your 90 day sentence in Prison from all the tears he had streaming down his face.

It was Evans first day of Kindergarten today.

They had a story time, where parents could stay and share a story with their kids. We read the Kissing Hand and apparently that was my sons cue to start sobbing.

He went to school last year and survived.

He knew what was going to happen this year and was very excited about it....until that moment. No matter how strong you believe you are, you are not strong enough to waddle through the tears of a child that believes he's being abandoned. Not without a few of your own being shed. I had to run out of that room the second the teacher distracted him.

If I had stayed one second longer, I would have dragged him back home and started a new home school curriculum. We don't need that to happen. This Momma likes a few hours of free time and that boy needs some friends so he doesn't turn into the hermit-people phobia that I've become.

Evan will be there all day this year. I'm so darn excited. I even packed him a special lunch.

I'm more excited about packing a lunch than anything else.

You ever have those moments, when you think, "this is the moment when I feel like a real Mom".

I've had a few of those. Like when you get thrown up on the first time. Or when you fix a really bad, bloody, boo-boo.

Packing a lunch has been one of those moments for me.

Not sure why, but it was so cool! I packed him a cute sandwich, Cheeto's (his favorite), yogurt, juice and a brownie.

Now that I think about it, I hope he can get the brownie open. How crappy would that be? "My Mom gave me a brownie, except I can't get it out of this tightly glued package."

That would suck.

I am excited for him, because I know he's going to have a blast. But I still feel like I'm missing an arm. I hope I can remember to pick him up.

That would be a crappy Mom moment. Not that I haven't had many of those before, but I'm going to try to stick with ones that will be less traumatizing for my kids. He had a hard time letting go this morning, the last thing I need to do is reaffirm his fears that I won't be coming back for him.

I have to make this short. My daughter is throwing a HUGE fit because the darn tiara won't stay on her over-large head. We can't help it....special tiaras will need to be made for these noggins.

I did take a First Day of School picture but I'm way to lazy to get the SD card and put it on here. I'm sure you all either have your own kids or have Facebook and friends/family that have kids going to school. Use one of those as an example, except throw in a half-crazy smile and a dirty face.

Draw on some tears and *poof* my kid.

Coffee time. Gotta go!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My Poor, Poor Husband.

I feel bad for him. I really, really do.

He's stuck with me for a wife.

I'm an OK cook. I clean and raise our kids to the best of my abilities. I wash somewhat regularly.

But there's a downside to all this beauty. Every girl has at least one downside, right? If you don't you're a liar...pants on fire.

My downside?

As if you don't know already.

I'm a Crafter.

(I only have 1 downside. The rest is perfectly normal.)

If my husband would have known this before we were married, he probably would have run away, screaming. I'm pretty sure he wants to do that now, but we have 3 kids to raise and that takes an entire village. That, plus the threats of me hunting him down and maiming him, make him stay nearby.

It started out simple.

I've always been a "crafter". I like working with my hands and creating stuff out of nothing. I used to do "nice" things, like scrapbooking. Scrapbooking is an expensive, hot mess. I enjoyed doing it, but there's SO MUCH CRAP! And it gets EVERYWHERE!

Maybe your wondering why I consider scrapbooking "nice". Because it requires nothing of my husband. No help, no time and no garage space. I wasn't sharing his tools when I was scrapbooking. He was happier then.

I dabbled in paints for awhile too. Nothing overwhelming. Then came quilting. A little more money spent (on a sewing machine) and some more time spent (cutting all those little damn squares). And more time spent learning the craft from my ever-so-patient mother. I make a complete and utter mess when I sew as well. I took over our dining room for my sewing projects because it had the big table and we never used it for eating. Probably because I always had sewing all over it.

Then, I decided to do some home decorating and made my first son a nursery from scratch. Took forever and nothing worked out as planned. After that was crafting for his first Christmas. I made sock monkeys and a furry monster hand puppet. That monster hand puppet was the most awesome thing I ever made. But it took too long, so never again.

We moved into a smaller home, made less money and I started doing more sewing. Like making my own shopping bags (disaster).

As a birthday gift, my husband bought me lessons so I could learn how to do Stained Glass. begins at last! I LOVE this! Turns out, this is time consuming and costs quite a bit of money. Also uses lead, so I can't use this around my kids. But I did create some gifts out of this. I still enjoy doing it, but it requires me to be alone in the basement for long periods of time and life isn't quite allowing that to happen right now.

Technically, looking back, it could have been MUCH worse! Take this for example:
Crazy talk.
I almost want to get a cat, just so I can do this.
But I'm scared of the divorce papers that would come right after this purchase.

So I've decided to take over his garage with crafts. That way I can hang out in there, while the kids play outside.

My poor, poor husband. He's actually making me a special spot out there. Just for all my crap. Mostly so I won't make a mess of his area anymore, but how many husbands would do that? I'm very excited to have an area all my own. I feel special.

Now all my crap will be contained to one area. It's a tiny area, but it's mine.

Now Morgan has a Barbie doll. A naked one. So I've had to sew her clothes. Crappy ones. Big, ugly disasters. But it's a new project I'm determined to conquer and that's been taking up small bits of my time.

And last night I've discovered a new part of my favorite crafting website that I just LOVE! It's dollhouses! I've been obsessed with miniatures for quite some time. My Mom even bought me the beginnings of a dollhouse bakery (plus the clay so make my own food) and I have some furniture I found secondhand that I've been saving.

Here's the link, if you're curious: As a warning, whatever crafting desires come out of you after looking at this site, are not my fault. This site has caused 90% of my crafting urges and will more than likely do the same to do, if you carry this disease.

What I LOVE about these projects is that people are being uber-creative and using what materials that have in their homes. It's amazing what you can make out of cardboard, glue and imagination!

I love when I find a new project, get all excited and want to get started right away.

I always feel bad for my husband at this point. Because I will get sucked into this, go crazy for about a month, then ignore it or find something that frustrates me about it and the passion will dissipate. Then there's money wasted and an unfinished disaster that will go untouched for long periods of time while I move on to the next thing.

But he's always there for me! He's always helping me, giving me ideas and never puts me down for this "disease".

Right there is the reason I would marry this man again. I know I've mentioned this before, in previous posts, but he really is the best person for me. He's my match.

Now that I said something super nice and loving, can I get a dollhouse Jalon?

I'm kidding...I'm still playing in the garage.

For now.

(Cue dark music and evil laughter)

Tuesday, September 4, 2012's finally September

I've been neglecting my blog these past few days.


Because I have crap to do, that's why. School technically starts today, but for my child, it doesn't really start until Thursday. Why does it start on a different day? I have no freaking clue, but it's a bit weird and a lot of annoying.

Want to know what else is annoying?

1. Hearing people chew their food. Seriously? The only way you can get away with this, is if you were raised with cattle.

2. Realizing that the package of markers you bought was a pack of 8, not the pack of 10 the teacher requested. Bastards. Guess who will be getting a note from the teacher? This Mom. This Mom also purchased the wrong brand of scissors. I picked a Target brand instead of the Fiskars brand. I'm such a rebel.

3. Children that don't listen to you. Even after you use your loud voice before having your coffee. But you're too lazy to actually get up and tell them to stop...probably because there's been no coffee.

4. Teachers that require your child to bring in 12 pencils sharpened. You realize you don't own a "real" pencil sharpener and try to use the one that came on a box of crayons. Then curse whoever decided this should happen. I KNOW there are pencil sharpeners at school...this house uses mechanical ones. Click, click-done.

5. Children that smell like poop. Both of mine do right now, that's what made this one come to mind.

I could turn this list into 100 annoying things...but I won't.

I lack the attention span. Because I haven't had my coffee yet.

Are you sensing a pattern here?

I hate back to school and I have a minor addiction to caffeine.

I'm excited that Evan will be gone for an entire day now, but I will miss his constant chattering around here. I almost couldn't write that outrageous lie down.

What else have I been doing with my time?

Well- Morgan picked out a naked Barbie doll (that I believe is Brittney Spears from 1999) from a garage sale. I decided to dress it using some scraps of material I had just hanging around.

It was a disaster. Brittney's boobs are too big and the dress keeps popping off. Sounds like I'm talking about the real Brittney, doesn't it? Morgan doesn't like it when the top pops off, so she keeps bringing to me to fix. I got sick of doing that over and over again, so I ripped the dress of and kept her naked. Now my son likes to play with it.

I've been also crafting/creating more wood signs. My husband bought me a wonderful old door that I want to turn into something fantastic. I'm going to have to sell this crap on Craigslist. I'm creating too much crap and there's no room in my home for this.

I will take pictures later, when things actually are finished. It's hard to remember to take photos of the "during" process. I do take "before" and "after" but I forget all that's in-between.

I will try to be more present this week.

Right now I have a 2 year old smack dab in the middle of tantrum city, demanding a diaper change. I won't give in. No diaper changes in this house, unless I say so!

HA! That will show them who's in charge around here!

Sorry...I rule a VERY small world. But it's my only world.