Friday, November 21, 2014

Thanksgiving Dinner

I went to the grocery store today to gather the food needed to procure an amazing Thanksgiving dinner next week. (I'm a great gatherer. Spend a fortune! Sorry Jay...)

I am the proud owner of a GIANT fresh turkey, cranberries, stuffing veggies, pie beginnings, sweet potatoes, russet potatoes and LOTS of ingredients to go along with it all.

There will be 3 days of preparation that will go into this meal. I have a schedule written down that I will post on a cabinet door, starting Monday. Monday I make cranberries. Tuesday, I start the gluten free dinner rolls (they take a LONG time to prepare...) and Wednesday, I get to brine my turkey, start prepping the bread for the stuffing and make my pies!

All of it will be gluten-free and made from scratch.

Most people will look at this list and wonder if I'm crazy.

I know you are right now. I can already see you shaking your head and wondering why I needed pecans because I'm already nuts. (Ha! I find myself hilarious...)

"Why are you doing so much?"

"That's a LOT of work."

"Don't stress yourself out over one dinner."

Let me clear this up for you.

I LOVE being in my kitchen.

I ADORE planning out meals and cooking them from scratch.

I find it RELAXING to make meals for people.

My house revolves round my kitchen. I spend a LOT of time in there every single day, planning out meals and making them. I'm so darn excited for next week to get here so I can get started! I can't wait!

It's soothing to me. It's therapy for me. I love cooking.

Simple as that.

So, if you don't want to cook and need a place to come, I will have plenty.

And it will be gluten free and delicious. I guarantee it.



Tuesday, November 18, 2014

I am SO STUPID

I can already hear my husband, "Duh. Kind of knew that already."

Well, I think I've reached a new level of stupid. Crown me the Queen of Stupidville.

I went Christmas shopping today. I was going to wait until Black Friday, but my main reason for going out would have been the kids. I checked the ad for Black Friday and nothing I needed was in there. However, Target had coupons and freebies right now for items I wanted. Score!

Unfortunately, this is what I came home with:

 
Frozen.
Is taking over my house.
I can't breathe.
(I have, however, pushed every button and sang along already...)
 
No. This isn't all for my daughter either. My sons love Frozen too. They adore Olaf. And singing along to the music. At Target today, you buy $50 of Frozen toys and get a free sing-along DVD. Sweet. I was going to buy that anyway. I will take what I can get for free.
 
But, the big mistake I made was that almost every toy talks or sings.
 
While shopping, my cart sang "Let it Go" the entire time. I could see the smiles and pitying looks of other Moms around me.
 
This is when it hit me. I'm never going to escape that song. At least, not until the batteries wear out and that DVD mysteriously disappears.
 
Knowing my luck, these batteries will be the "real deal" and will never die. Unlike the other ones that you get one day's use out of and then their dead. These batteries will outlive us all.
 
Why did I do this? I really love my children, but to this level?
 
I did get some good deals on this stuff, so I guess that helps me cope a little. And getting to see their faces will be an added bonus.
 
But could someone please get me a BIG HEADSET for Christmas this year? Maybe toss in a small bottle of wine too? That would be appreciated!
 
You know what else is nice?

I'm done.
 
Now I just have to figure out what to get my husband for Christmas. The hardest man to shop for. Ever.
 
Here are some items I'm considering, let me know what you think:
 
I can't even explain what this is.
But I really want to see him wear it.

Not the actual electric toothbrush, but the heads for one.
I like to keep him confused.
 

I picked this because it looked manly.
And it made me hungry.

I like this one for myself.
It's a win-win type of gift.

Flannel is so sexy.
One piece pj's?
Even better. 

Oooooh.
Just.
Wow.

This suits his personality.

And this, just for his reaction alone.
 
 
What do you think?
Did I do good or what?


Friday, November 14, 2014

The Most Disgusting Christmas Ever

Hey Parents!

Need some great gifts for kids?

Want something that's really deep down disgusting? Do your kids not talk about poop/pee/farts enough in your house and your wishing they would? I found the PERFECT gifts for Christmas!

Look no further, here are some of the most offensive toys I could locate. (Actually, I took about 20 minutes to search them out...)

Most of these are found on your TV and have kids begging and pleading for Santa to bring them for Christmas. (Mine are. My kids are crazy though. Maybe you have better kids than I do. Lucky.)

1.
Great, isn't it?
I thought so too.
Don't have a real dog to do this for you?
Just buy this one.
The Poop Dog game from Toys R' Us.
"When you squeeze his leash he makes a gassy sound that gets louder and louder until...plop."
Wow.
That sounds like FUN!
The commercials are crazy and yes, my kids have asked for this one.
 
2.
This is Gooey Louie.
"Put your finger up his nose and try to pick a winner. Watch out...if you pick the wrong gooey louies eyes will pop, he'll flip his lid and his brain will fly out."
 
Dude.
Like we don't have enough issues with kids shoving fingers up their own noses.
And his brain?
I'm sorry...but, that does NOT look like a brain.
It's slightly phallic and there's no WAY I'm the only one that is seeing that.
Don't even lie.
My kids have also BEGGED for this toy.
They would probably just eat these boogers too...
 
3.
The Fart Blaster.
"With each fart sound a banana scented burst of air is emitted."
 
I live in a house with 3 boys.
We don't need anymore scented air coming out of anywhere.
I don't care how it's scented.
 
4.
Barbie Potty Trainin' Taffy.
"Barbie doll also cleans up after her because this adorable animal actually pees and poops!"
Swell.
Are people really that desperate to clean poop?
I'm so confused by this trend.
If that's not enough, you can buy this one too:

Are you tempted yet?
 
5.
Baby Alive Real Surprises Baby Doll
"Really pees and poops in her diaper."
Her face is full of regret, like a new mother that wonders what she got herself into.
How much you want to bet that doll never ate solid food again?
 
6.
LaLaLoopsy Babies Diaper Surprise Doll
"Feed your lalaloopsy Babies water, press their belly "button", and check their diaper for a surprise-magically poops charms."
 
I feel like we're just setting girls up for some major disappointment when they get older.
I don't remember find any prizes in my kids diapers.
Well, unless you count the dime incident.
But I don't really remember that being fun.
 
My daughter even called this one disgusting.
 
7.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
By Sam Haldenby on March 14, 2014
Toilet paper is nice and soft but only really good for one use. Fortunately, I had the foresight to buy several.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No
 
Copied that from Amazon.
Really needed a laugh after discovering all this.
 
Just in case all this wasn't enough, you could buy your kids the best toy ever:
Poo-dough.
Because we were getting board with regular play-doh.
I'm kind of amazed at how great it really looks.
The "corn nuggets" really sell it.
 
I really hoped I helped you discover some great Christmas Gifts for this upcoming season.
Your kids will love them all!
 
 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Behind the Scenes

Lately, being sick and overwhelmed with life in general, things have hit me much harder than they probably would have normally. News, about friends and family comes in and you just can't help but feel broken and sad.

I feel so confused about my next step in life. About where I should be headed and, if each direction I consider taking, is going to be the right one. This time of being home with my kids full time, is quickly coming to an end and a decision will need to be made about where I will be next. I never thought this job was one I would enjoy, but now that it's almost over, I am desperate to turn back time and not change a thing.

I constantly pray and ask God, "What next?"

It sometimes feels like God handed me a script of how to live my life, but left most of it blank.

He set the stage for my performance, gave me all I need to do this scene, but the rest is up to me. The audience is sitting there, in the dark, waiting and watching my next move. What if I fail? What if I mess up?

I have fears and darkness hidden in the corners of my head. I don't notice them too often, but when I'm sick, hurt or angry, they seem to come out on their own and overwhelm everything good I had.

Now, instead of walking down those paths with the confidence I should have, living my life with faith, those paths are filled with doubts and worry. The voice of doubt tells me, "You're doing this wrong. You have no idea what your doing. This idea is stupid. Everything you say is stupid. People are laughing at you. You have no friends. You are worth nothing."

I can get lost in those thoughts, believing them and wondering how true they are. When I get lost in those thoughts, close myself off from the world and hide. I don't sleep well, feel angry/crabby a lot and can't seem to finish a project. The house falls apart. Then I end up beating myself up even more and falling even deeper inside those thoughts. I loose my confidence and belief that there is some good out there.

Not today.

Not going to happen.

I'm going to try something new, instead.

I'm going to find hope in today, instead of doubt.

I'm going to see the gift in today, instead of the negative.

You know why?

Because God has the script. The WHOLE script. He's working behind the scenes of my life.

I don't get to see that part. But he's there.

Testing my faith and willingness to allow him to work behind the scenes. Instead of closing myself in, I'm going to force myself out there. Instead of listening to those voices, I'm going to counteract them with a new project. One I will actually finish!

We are going to do a Thanks Giving Tree. Ann Voskamp has this wonderful project on her site where you write down items that your thankful for on scripture leaves. I think it's just what I need right now.

Here's a link, if your interested in participating as well:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/11/why-thanksgiving-is-radically-subversive-and-everything-you-need-to-have-the-best-thanksgiving-yet/

And I get to share it with my family. I'm not setting up a certain goal, I'm not putting pressure on us, but I want us to be intentional with our family time and take 15 minutes, each day, to share our thankfulness with each other. That way, we can start each day with good. My hope is that all our good will overwhelm the negative that works its way in. God tests our faith for him. I'm thinking that all this is just a test for me.

I need to constantly remind myself to remain faithful. That even though I can't see the whole play, God is working behind the scenes of my life.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Surprise- Diseased Date Night!

I've been fighting this cold all week.

Along with that, keeping up with the kids, housework and other projects, I'm just about beat.

My husband arrived home last night and handed me a card. It was adorable. A little boy on the front holding a bunch of red roses.

Inside it stated something like this: (I would post the actual card but his hand writing is HORRIBLE. It would take years for a normal human to decipher his code and by that time, I will be 60. I've adjusted to reading his ancient hieroglyphics and will spell it out for you. Your welcome.)

(Also, I may/may not have added words to make it sound more romantic...I do this in my head all the time.)

"My Dear, Beautiful Wife, Danielle,
  
    I know that flowers are a bit cliché so I consider the flowers on the front of this card your gift. (Bless his heart.) So onto the main reason of this card. I was trying to find a way to ask you on a date and everything I came up with sounded cheesy. (That's his way of saying it sounded SUPER romantic but too embarrassing for him to do...)
  
   So...would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night at 5:00? I hope you say yes because I already made reservations last week and got a sitter.

Jalon."

So basically, I have no choice.

Just kidding! Once you say there's a babysitter, I really could care less WHAT the date actually involves...

Although, after a week of not going outside (except to drop/pick up kids from school), I'm feeling a bit grungy. Today is the day I wear pants. Go me.

This is fairly accurate.

So today, instead of cleaning my house, crafting or playing a game on the internet, I'm going to be working on myself.

After spending the last two nights on the couch (due to coughing all night) I have to take this:

So very close!
Except add some children that feel the need to "cuddle". 

This is an actual close-up of my face right now.
Scared?
Me too.
Bet my husband is rethinking this date night.
 
And turn it into this:
 
If your going to try, why not reach for something unattainable?

Aww...look at their love.
LOOK AT IT.
I'm gagging a little, but you get the point.
 
And in order to get to that point, I have to do a LOT of this: (Pretty sure it would take a lot more than this to get me to look like the picture above, but you better be sure I'm going to try!)
 
On my second cup now!

Give me ALL the cold pills!
One will probably work, right?

A LOT of time in my case.
That's why I've started already and it's only 10 a.m.
I'm a realist.
 
I'm excited! I'm trying to be more excited than sick. Hopefully I can just convince the germs to "sleep" for a few hours so I can enjoy this evening. Feel free to come back tomorrow, but at least give me a night. It's so rare that my husband goes out of his way like this and I really want to take advantage and enjoy it!
 
Wish me luck!










Monday, November 3, 2014

My Overflowing Plate- Not Overflowing with Joy.


Halloween is OVER! (We had fun. I think. No pictures, sorry. My fingers were frozen together and my eyeballs would no longer roll around in their sockets. It was 30 degrees out. But we have enough candy to rot out all our teeth, so apparently, it went well. Except for Evan. The very first house we went to was handing out cans of pop and giant bags of Bugles. He turned away, rejected and said, "I am not allowed any of that." Declan however, pounced on the can of pop, knowing what a special treat it was. He was allowed a small cup of it. I'm not that mean.)

We are gearing up for a craft sale in December at our Church. I'm trying to help organize it and realizing that I'm SO out of my element! Here I thought it was just "put crafts on table and sell". But no. Turns out it's MUCH more than that! There are many details that we have to account for that I did not think about. I have 3 separate to-do lists just for this event. And, thanks to Pinterest, hours of research on how to make it perfect.

Not only am I helping organize, but I'm also trying to donate crafts I've made. I just have to finish making all of them. And I probably would finish, if I didn't keep piling more and more on top. I keep adding more because I'm scared we won't get enough donations to make it worth it. Here I am, not only knitting ruffle scarves, but making chalkboard signs, chalkboard gift tags and steampunk jewelry. I need help. Mental help, not crafty help.

And, now that Halloween is "officially" over, apparently Christmas can start. Well, according to all the commercials we've seen anyway.

Seriously?

I'm SO NOT ready for that yet.

I'm about ready to keep the TV off just so I'm not thinking about all the Christmas gifts I need to start buying and hearing my kids ask, over and over again, for EVERY SINGLE toy that comes on the TV.

Even though I told myself (and my kids) over and over again that we will NOT be talking about Christmas gifts until after Thanksgiving to THINK about Christmas gifts, I received a toy catalog with coupons in it from Target. I couldn't resist! I had to go through it, cut the coupons and start my list for the kids. (My crazy thought process told me that these items would not be on sale forever and I should pounce on the opportunity to pay less and be able to find exactly what I'm looking for early. Plus, if I just get it over with, I can stop thinking about it, right? Except that my kids change their minds OFTEN and I still end up making myself crazy with Christmas gifts...)

Why do I do this to myself?

What the heck am I trying to prove?

I worry. I stress. I suffer from anxiety over things that are not real.

Because I keep piling crap on my plate and shoving more information into my already messy head, I am now sick.

My body completely shut down on me yesterday. Couldn't even get out of bed. My body ached, my head was pounding and I was running a fever.

So I had no choice but to just sit there and watch TV and sleep.

And instead of just relaxing, I made myself crazy with all the things I SHOULD have been doing instead.

I realized that I keep filling my plate over and over again, with things that just don't matter!

Yes, there's a large event coming up in December, but if I learn to rely on others and God, I don't need to carry the weight of this responsibility on my own.

Christmas is coming up and it does get stressful, but instead of focusing on getting the perfect gifts, I should focus on enjoying the season itself. I should put my focus on God and help my kids understand the importance of the season. (Hint: It's not the gifts.)

Now, I'm going to work on getting healthy again and use this opportunity to push away the joy-stealers in my life and refocus on what's important. And I love this verse as a reminder:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that no even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you-you of little faith? So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need the. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-34

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Hot Halloween Mess

 
Yesterday, I spent my day making popcorn balls.
I was in charge of the snack for our church's Pioneer Club.
I picked the night of our annual Trunk-or-Treat Halloween Party for a reason.
Because I knew I could come up with something fun to make.
 
Unfortunately, as with all my ideas, this one bit me right in the tush.
 
It had seemed so simple.
Pop up some popcorn.
Mix up marshmallow goo.
Stir the two together.
Form into balls.
The end.
 
BUT, it all started out like this:
 
Stupid boyscouts and their impossible bags.
I dumped it all over.
All I wanted was a 1/2 cup of popcorn!
That's it!
When the kernels wouldn't come out, I squeezed a bit...
suddenly, the bag exploded and they ALL came out!
*sigh*
Not a great start.

The recipe I found said I could add some cute candies to mix in.
Fortunately, I have a bucket full of candy ready for trick-or-treaters.
Unfortunately, it took me forever to unwrap 60 tiny, individual treat bags to get what I needed.
Great planning?
I think not.
 
Even though I was running around like a crazy person, covered in marshmallow goo, I still had a family to take care of and feed.
In between making popcorn balls and trying not to burn the house down, I had to make lunch.
 
Tip: Watch what you grab from the fridge. Some items may appear similar at first glance, but their taste will be drastically different...as we found out the hard way.
Sorry Declan!

Big oops from Mommy.
That will keep your bowels moving...right?
No?
Not funny?
Sorry.
 
BUT, I did manage to make 42 popcorn balls.
Well, technically, I made 43.
But one got lost.
In my belly.

Messy but so delicious.
 
I decided, at the very last minute, to dress up as Doctor Who for this costumed event.
I had 2 hours to throw together what I had to make it work.
 
I was shooting for #10.
(For those that are unfamiliar with Doctor Who, it's David Tennant. He's my favorite.)
 
Here's what he looks like:
 
Here's my somewhat awful version:

I tried!
Cut me some slack...
I borrowed a suit jacket from my Dad and raided my husbands closet for a shirt and tie.
He couldn't stop laughing when I added the side burns.
I thought I made a handsome man...
 
No one knew who Doctor Who was anyway.
I had probably 4 people know who I was trying to go for.
 
The kids looked at me like I was crazy.
What else is new?