Thursday, September 5, 2013

Stay at Home Mom with NO kids.

Day 1 of Child Abandonment: Going well. No tears from either party, which shows that both were completely ready for this separation. Now...what to do with all this extra time I have NOT doing "Mom" stuff...?

The twins are going to preschool, two days a week for a few hours in the morning. With Evan in 1st grade now, I have the WHOLE HOUSE to myself for a bit! Not a huge amount of free time, but it's so wonderfully quiet for those hours.

Think of all the stuff I could get done! If I was smart, I would kick my to-do list in the tush and be done with the whole house in a few hours! It would be sooooo clean!

Hmm...sounds boring. And I don't want my husband to get the wrong idea about what kind of housekeeper I am. I've set the bar low...I should keep it there.

Next idea? Go all Home Alone and jump on the beds, watch Supernatural on Netflix (ON THE BIG TV) while eating muddy buddies in the middle of the living room. "I'm eating dessert in the living room, for breakfast AND I don't have to share!!!"

Although, I just worked my butt off to fit into a size 6 pant...pretty sure I don't want to ruin that by eating my weight in muddy buddies.

I could work on my large list of hobbies and actually accomplish something that I've been storing for years. Knitting, a puzzle, a good book, stained glass projects or one of my painted signs...

I don't want to burn myself out with all that excitement. It's only day 1 of preschool. I have a whole year to have tons of fun. Plus, I want to spend time writing. Time to put on my bra and work on my book. (I know it sounds weird, but that's how you know I mean business. I put on my bra.) Not nearly as fun, but I do have a small dish of muddy buddies by my side. And it's quiet. What more could a girl ask for?

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Whore House Officially Open For Business.

That title just sucked you in, didn't it.

Here's the story behind that title, for those interested in boring things that happen around here. (You are interested, so keep reading.)

Every Halloween, my husband and I tend to go just a little overboard with our decorations. It's fun and we enjoy going all out with holidays. Halloween just happens to be one of our favorites.

Anyway, during one Halloween, my husband decided to replace our porch lights with one red light and one blue light. They looked pretty awesome that night.

The problem is our laziness/forgetful factor comes into play here and we completely forgot about the lights. We turn them on at night without a second thought. At least, we did...

Our lovely, much older, neighbor came over the other day for a nice visit and decided he had to tell us something very important.

Apparently our "red light" is sending signals to the other neighbors that has them questioning our position in this neighborhood. We are no longer the "nice family, with 3 kids and a garden", but instead, "A whore house disguised as a nice family, with 3 kids and a garden".

The neighbors have even had discussions about us and what we are trying to tell everyone with our "red porch light". My poor husband was just a little confused when he was approached by our neighbor.

But then we looked it up on Wikipedia:

A red-light district is a part of an urban area where there is a concentration of prostitution and sex-oriented businesses, such as sex shops, strip clubs, adult theaters, etc. The term originates from the red lights that were used as signs of brothels.[1] There are areas in many big cities around the world which have acquired an international reputation as red-light districts.[2] Some red-light districts have acquired a touristic interest beyond sex tourism, and can be perceived as places of artistic, historic or cultural interest, whether or not they still serve the sex trade.

Isn't that awesome? No? I didn't think so either.

But not only do we have the red light, we also have a blue one next to it. Maybe that indicates a whore house blue light special? Either way, I'm sending signals that I'm available for cheap. Not exactly what I was going for here.

My days are pretty full right now, I'm not 100% sure I can live up to the standards expected of a red light district. So I asked my husband if it was OK if we removed the light, at least until the house is cleaner. He just turned it off...Halloween is just around the corner. Might as well just wait.

Thanks to my neighbors, who have been apparently looking at me in a whole new light, I've learned something totally new and now will be constantly aware whenever the kids decide to play with those light switches. I don't need any "surprises" coming to our door at night...

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Thai Chicken Lettuce Wraps

I told a few people that I would share this recipe and I'm finally going to do it.

I didn't share before, because it wasn't quite ready. I needed to adjust a few things and I'm still not 100% sure about it. But, feel free to give it a shot and adjust as you feel fit. We all modify recipes to our own liking anyway so why not just go for it.

Side Note: I do not write recipes for a living. This is the best I can do.

Thai Chicken Lettuce Wraps Recipe
Chicken Mixture:
1 rotisserie chicken, meat removed and chopped.
1 red pepper, chopped.
1 half red onion, chopped.
1 small jalapeno, finely minced.
1 Tbs olive oil.
1 clove garlic, or more to suit tastes. ( I add more, because I love garlic!)
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 Tbs peanut butter
2 heads butter lettuce, rinsed and patted dry.
Slaw Mixture:
4 cups of bagged coleslaw mix
1 cup cilantro, roughly chopped
1/4 cup mayo
2 Tbs rice wine vinegar
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tsp ground ginger
3 green onions, chopped
Heat olive oil in skillet over medium heat. Add red pepper, onion and jalapeno. Cook until slightly soft, about 5 minutes. In the meantime, mix together peanut butter and soy sauce.
In skillet, add garlic and chopped chicken. Cook for 1 minute, then add your peanut sauce. Cook for another few minutes, until bubbling, then remove from heat.
Mix together sauce for slaw mixture in a medium sized bowl. Add slaw, cilantro and green onions, then toss until coated.
Take about 3 leaves of butter lettuce, add chicken mixture, then cover with slaw.
Roll up and chow down.
Very messy and very, very delicious.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I'm such a slacker!

Sorry it's been so long!

I've never been away from my blog this long before!

I have TONS of updates for you but I'll save some for later.

We are getting our roof redone today and it's utter chaos here, as you can imagine. BUT, it's providing entertainment for the kids, so I call that a win.

This is happening outside my window right now.
The way my kids were acting, you would think this was hired entertainment.
They should do birthday parties...

Evan finished T-Ball for the season...thank goodness.
It went well, but he's not a huge sports fan, so this might be his last year.

I know these pictures don't actually look like much, but you need to look closer at them.
The beams in the picture are from my patio ceiling that I was painting one night.
It was pretty late and I was SO CLOSE to being done.
Then something black starting moving near my hand.
I screamed and bolted down that ladder as fast as I could.
Jalon: "Seriously? Are you going to scream over EVERY spider? Quit being so dramatic!"
Me: "That's not just ANY spider! That's one huge tarantula that belongs in the Amazon somewhere."
Jalon: "Let me see."
Me: "Go for it."
Seconds later....
Jalon: "OK! I need my flashlight for this one", as he bolts down the ladder.
Me: "HA! Told you!"
Jalon, after coming back armed with a flashlight and gloves, "I'm pretty sure it's not a giant spider, but a bat."
Me: "Oh. Well then...that's adorable! We should set it free!"
Jalon: "Are you nuts?! I'm not opening a hole for it to fly out and bite me."
Me: "We are not letting that bat die inside our patio! What if it's a baby?! What if it's hungry!?"
Jalon: *insert long, slightly suffering sigh here* "Fine. But you're driving me to the hospital for a rabies shot if this goes bad."
Me: "Whatever."
He rips open a portion of my enclosed porch and, after a few minutes, a bat comes flying out.
I screamed. It was much larger than I anticipated.
I have this all on video.
But he has the video and he's keeping it hostage.
I'm saying sorry a lot today.
Hopefully it won't be another month before I get back to this.
It's been awhile because I'm focusing more on what's going on here and writing a book.
Wish me luck!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

A Random Update that Includes Arm Hair and Cold Feet.

Evan has been bragging lately.
He tells everyone we see.
He's so darn proud and won't stop talking about it.
What is it?
His arm hair.
He's super thrilled about growing long arm hair, just like his daddy.
He told me the other day that he didn't need an umbrella in the rain, because his arm hair is long enough to protect him.
The other night, my feet were frozen (as usual) so they wandered to the other side of the bed, in search of a warm spot to nest in.
My husband, less than thrilled with being the warm spot, squealed and told me to stop.
"Why are your feet so cold all the time?" he asked, after shooing me away.
"I have no clue. But warm them up. It's your job. Pretty sure it was in your vows." I said.
"NO! They feel like their dead."
"Trust me, feels the same here. Now warm them up." I said, pushing my feet back under his knee.
"I think you must have poor circulation or something." He told me, reluctantly allowing me give him chills with my frozen toes.
"Seriously? Why don't you just Google it or something?" I said, JOKINGLY.
But, he had his iPad handy. "It says that sometimes people put their feet over the edge of the bed and that helps with the circulation part."
"NOPE. Can't do that." I said.
"What?! Why not?"
"Duh...monsters." I told him, like he didn't already know. Who actually puts their feet over the edge of the bed? #1 rule of sleeping in a bed, is to never put any body part over the edge because monsters will come and eat it off. Am I the only normal one here?
He thought I was being ridiculous...whatever. 
The ONLY time it's acceptable to allow your foot to hang over the edge of the bed is after a night of drinking too much. You can put one foot on the floor when you lay down so the room doesn't spin. I learned that in the military. I came out of that 8 year enlistment with great advice.
Want to know how potty training is going?
Probably not.
It's going badly.
In fact, they have been getting worse, if that's even possible.
I. Can't. Do. This. Anymore.

That's it for my update.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

A Few Ways To Make Your Husband Mad:

Make the house a mess.
Not a normal mess, but the kind where people mistake it for a break-in,
THEN tell him your ditching him for the evening to go out with your Mom and sister.
Because he worked all day and I know that spending quality time, alone with his kids, in a messy house, is the best cure for a long weekend of Guard duty.
Call him on your cell, and when he doesn't answer, leave a very scattered message on his voicemail with no actual conclusion, because you suck at leaving messages.
Then leave the house.
Now, shatter your cell phone on the ground so he can't reach you.
(Cry a little, because you realize that you hold a LOT of stuff in there and it's now gone.)
Now tell him you shattered your phone in another scattered message.
Say it super fast and hope he can't quite hear it.
Also, tell him that you went WAYYYY over budget while grocery shopping in a blog post your hoping he doesn't read....
Run for your life.
It's OK, he likes the chase.
I better get going.
He is supposed to be home soon...
Hopefully, I'll be back after this.
If not, you know where to start.

Friday, June 21, 2013

My Sweet Morgan.

My daughter is so adorable, I just want to smother her....with my love. =)

I was washing Morgan in the bath, during which she screamed "I don't WANT to be clean!" the entire time, and the bathtub was filling up with filth, soap bubbles and other crud.
She grabs the cup from me, the one that's been in the bathtub to wash kids for the past 6 years, AND pick up the "floaters", and proceeds to fill it with the filthy bathwater.
I tell her, "You better not drink that!"
Morgan, "Mommy, you need to leave. Get out of here so I can drink water."
I know I give you plenty to drink that's of higher quality than that.
But if you are that desperate to drink your own filth and waste,
by all means, fill it up.
Good luck to you.
I'm just going to sit here and gag...
During our potty training time, I've been doing flashcards for the kids.
The Flashcards have great pictures on them and are pretty easy for them to understand.
Morgan, however, gets mad at me when we pass one card.
Just one.
It's a card with a wrist watch on it.
She keeps calling it a clock, which makes sense.
I'm really not that picky.
BUT, I'm trying to get her to understand, so I tell her it's a watch.
All I hear is a low, creepy growl and then she tells me, "NO! It's a CLOCK.
I'm like, "Nooooo, it's a watch."
Morgan: "Grrrr.....noooooooooooooooooooooooo. Nooooooo watcccchhhhhhh."
(Seriously, she has a creepy, low voice when she is trying to freak me out. It happens to be working.)
Now, every time we pass that card, she just starts whining.

Here, I even have proof:

Video Proof on Facebook

I really hope this link works...

During these flashcard sessions,
 Morgan also has a strange way of telling me she doesn't know the answer.
If I give her a card she can't remember, she calls it a "Uniporn".
I'm going to guess that means unicorn...
I really, really, really hope it means unicorn.