Friday, December 5, 2014

Elf on the Naughty Shelf

This is the time of year when you are filled with cheer, joy and endless greed.

Wait...what?

Did you say GREED?

Noooo...

Never.

My kids have been getting a little "greedy" this Christmas and I thought it was about time to put a stop to it. And since I'm not "cool" to listen to anymore, the Elf decided it was time to step in.

Yesterday, Alfred (our house elf-not in the cool Harry Potter sense, but the creepy Christmas sense) noticed that Evan only looks for him to see if he left any gifts for them that day. Upon noticing there was no gift for him, just a cute sleeping elf, Evan was upset. He said it was boring when he didn't leave presents.

I see.

Then Evan returned home from school and decided that, instead of doing what his Mom told him (throw laundry down the chute...seriously. Hard stuff here.) he was going to play his video game.

After all that drama, we had to do a spelling test for Evan so he was prepared for school the next day.

That was apparently, the last straw for Evan.

"I wish I wasn't born in this house." He told me, with his hands in angry little fists.

My heart broke in a million pieces. The more rational part of me was angry. But deep down inside, still hurt that he would say that. I know that's #1 out of a million horrible things he will probably say to me in his lifetime, but I had no idea how much it could actually hurt.

Boo.

He said it, because, according to him, I gave him too much to do that day and he was tired out from school and should be allowed to come home and play on his video game after a long day.

Right.

I forget how hard your life REALLY is. If he thought having a quick spelling test and throwing laundry down the chute was too stressful, I can't wait until he sees his new chore chart.

Mean Mommy won this round. Actually, Alfred stepped in with a letter, informing the kids that being disrespectful to your parents is bad and he brought them new chore charts. ALL OF THEM. They have to complete EACH AND EVERY item, EVERY DAY, if they want the Elf to stay in our home.

We'll see if his plan works out.

Evan also told me today, that kids he knows are starting to tell him Santa doesn't exist and isn't real.

Damn.

I'm not ready for this yet. He told me he still believes and he's going to ask Santa to help the other kids believe as well.

I used to think that life would get easier as the kids got older. I was so wrong. It's still really hard, just in a different way than I thought.

I could really use that parenting book now...anyone ready to share?

Monday, December 1, 2014

Thankful it's Over.

Thanksgiving has passed and now we get slammed with Christmas in full force.

Which I happen to love.

Slam away world, slam away.

Here's my "weekend" in pictures:

1.
On Thanksgiving, I spent the day cooking away in the kitchen.
I'm pretty confident in my cooking abilities.
However, I know well enough that not all my ideas go according to plan.
There's always a surprise waiting for me.
 
This year, it was the sweet potatoes.
I don't like them.
Potatoes shouldn't be sweet.
Cake is sweet.
It's weird. Or maybe I am?
Nope. It's the potatoes.
So this was my first year actually buying a sweet potato.
I cooked those babies up in the oven to perfection.
Then I cut them open...
 
What. The. Heck.
I thought they were orange!
That's not orange!
WHAT DID I DO?!?
After some anxious research on Google, I discovered a new fact.
Turns out there are yellow sweet potatoes.
Interesting.
Still disgusting, by the way.

My table "before" the meal.

My table (and cranky-looking spouse) during the meal.
(He may look cranky, but that's just his resting-crabby face. I'm used to it.)
 
After shoving abnormal amounts of food into my belly, we played a few games.
Then we, regretfully, ate too much pie and spent the rest of the night groaning with a stomach ache.
(Maybe it was just me...)
 

Of course, the Elf on the Shelf came!
And brought with him his new Elf Pet!
Dumbest idea ever, Alfred!
The reindeer absorbs your magic while you cuddle it so it can help Santa propel his sleigh on Christmas Eve.
That's not creepy at all.
My kids now fight, on a daily basis, over who's magic gets absorbed.
Her name is Mistletoe.
Sounds so innocent for something so evil.
 
Friday was spent groaning over full bellies and trying to not eat anything Thanksgiving related.
(I was still full...bleh.)
 
Saturday, I had to decorate the church because Advent officially started on Sunday!



Took us about 3-4 hours total to get everything out of storage, ironed and put up.
Looks so cheerful now!
 
After all that, we ate dinner at Applebee's and realized that Declans cough was getting much worse.
We decided to take him to Urgent Care where we found out he has Pneumonia.
Great.
Then Morgan woke up at midnight barking like a seal.
Even better.
This is how our Sunday was spent.

 
On a good note, I managed to get the tree decorated:

Now, just to get the kids healthy so they can go back to school tomorrow.
I think I'm about to go insane from all this adorable family time.
 

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Can We Eat NOW?!

With all this preparation that goes into Thanksgiving, my kids keep coming into the kitchen and asking me if it's time to eat yet.

Not quite...but we're closer.

So much I need to do today! And here I sit.

Nice.

Just going to do a quick update for you. Mostly because I need a break from the disaster that is my house. I have lots of cooking and prep work to do, but I can't do anything until I finish cleaning. It's taking me much longer than I thought to do the cleaning part.

1.
I've been working on my Christmas list. Having a hard time with it. I keep finding stuff I want, but I'm pretty sure no one is going to get it for me. Like a piano. Or a bunny. I would also like a printer that actually hooks up to my computer. That would be handy. Maybe a maid. Or an assistant that likes to clean. Come on Santa! I'm giving you plenty of notice.

 
2.
My twins came home with a book that they made in school.
It had pages from each kid in their class and told us what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Most were fairly normal.
I think 80% wanted to be firemen/policemen.
A few wanted to be teachers.
 
What did my kids want to be?
Let me just show you.

 
I'm going to have one Captain America and a Unicorn.
I love their imaginations.
 
I better end this.
I just checked my to-do list and it gave me anxiety sweats.
 
Time to go and make some pies.
And try not to eat them before tomorrow...
That's the true test.


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I FINALLY FINISHED!

I finally finished it.

I started a project, wayyyy back in 2011. Had a goal to finish it in 2012.

Today, in 2014, I actually, really, totally finished this project.

How sad is that?

But, I must say, I LOVE IT!

It was supposed to be a gift years ago...but I'm totally keeping it. It's mine. I love it.

Plus, with all my wonky soldering, there's no way someone else would appreciate all the effort I actually put into this.

Here's the post I made back in 2012:

http://mycrazyfamilycircus.blogspot.com/2012/10/get-my-butt-in-gear.html

Here are the pictures I just finished taking:

Please excuse my dust.
We live here.

It wasn't supposed to be a candle holder.
It was actually supposed to hang up.
But after so long, I gave up.
It's a candle holder now. 

Please don't mind the wonky-ness of it.
It came from my head.
This turned out pretty good, considering.

 

I just have to find a home for it!
 
So glad that project is done.
Now, just 1,000,391 more to go!
 
Those can wait a few more years...

Friday, November 21, 2014

Thanksgiving Dinner

I went to the grocery store today to gather the food needed to procure an amazing Thanksgiving dinner next week. (I'm a great gatherer. Spend a fortune! Sorry Jay...)

I am the proud owner of a GIANT fresh turkey, cranberries, stuffing veggies, pie beginnings, sweet potatoes, russet potatoes and LOTS of ingredients to go along with it all.

There will be 3 days of preparation that will go into this meal. I have a schedule written down that I will post on a cabinet door, starting Monday. Monday I make cranberries. Tuesday, I start the gluten free dinner rolls (they take a LONG time to prepare...) and Wednesday, I get to brine my turkey, start prepping the bread for the stuffing and make my pies!

All of it will be gluten-free and made from scratch.

Most people will look at this list and wonder if I'm crazy.

I know you are right now. I can already see you shaking your head and wondering why I needed pecans because I'm already nuts. (Ha! I find myself hilarious...)

"Why are you doing so much?"

"That's a LOT of work."

"Don't stress yourself out over one dinner."

Let me clear this up for you.

I LOVE being in my kitchen.

I ADORE planning out meals and cooking them from scratch.

I find it RELAXING to make meals for people.

My house revolves round my kitchen. I spend a LOT of time in there every single day, planning out meals and making them. I'm so darn excited for next week to get here so I can get started! I can't wait!

It's soothing to me. It's therapy for me. I love cooking.

Simple as that.

So, if you don't want to cook and need a place to come, I will have plenty.

And it will be gluten free and delicious. I guarantee it.



Tuesday, November 18, 2014

I am SO STUPID

I can already hear my husband, "Duh. Kind of knew that already."

Well, I think I've reached a new level of stupid. Crown me the Queen of Stupidville.

I went Christmas shopping today. I was going to wait until Black Friday, but my main reason for going out would have been the kids. I checked the ad for Black Friday and nothing I needed was in there. However, Target had coupons and freebies right now for items I wanted. Score!

Unfortunately, this is what I came home with:

 
Frozen.
Is taking over my house.
I can't breathe.
(I have, however, pushed every button and sang along already...)
 
No. This isn't all for my daughter either. My sons love Frozen too. They adore Olaf. And singing along to the music. At Target today, you buy $50 of Frozen toys and get a free sing-along DVD. Sweet. I was going to buy that anyway. I will take what I can get for free.
 
But, the big mistake I made was that almost every toy talks or sings.
 
While shopping, my cart sang "Let it Go" the entire time. I could see the smiles and pitying looks of other Moms around me.
 
This is when it hit me. I'm never going to escape that song. At least, not until the batteries wear out and that DVD mysteriously disappears.
 
Knowing my luck, these batteries will be the "real deal" and will never die. Unlike the other ones that you get one day's use out of and then their dead. These batteries will outlive us all.
 
Why did I do this? I really love my children, but to this level?
 
I did get some good deals on this stuff, so I guess that helps me cope a little. And getting to see their faces will be an added bonus.
 
But could someone please get me a BIG HEADSET for Christmas this year? Maybe toss in a small bottle of wine too? That would be appreciated!
 
You know what else is nice?

I'm done.
 
Now I just have to figure out what to get my husband for Christmas. The hardest man to shop for. Ever.
 
Here are some items I'm considering, let me know what you think:
 
I can't even explain what this is.
But I really want to see him wear it.

Not the actual electric toothbrush, but the heads for one.
I like to keep him confused.
 

I picked this because it looked manly.
And it made me hungry.

I like this one for myself.
It's a win-win type of gift.

Flannel is so sexy.
One piece pj's?
Even better. 

Oooooh.
Just.
Wow.

This suits his personality.

And this, just for his reaction alone.
 
 
What do you think?
Did I do good or what?


Friday, November 14, 2014

The Most Disgusting Christmas Ever

Hey Parents!

Need some great gifts for kids?

Want something that's really deep down disgusting? Do your kids not talk about poop/pee/farts enough in your house and your wishing they would? I found the PERFECT gifts for Christmas!

Look no further, here are some of the most offensive toys I could locate. (Actually, I took about 20 minutes to search them out...)

Most of these are found on your TV and have kids begging and pleading for Santa to bring them for Christmas. (Mine are. My kids are crazy though. Maybe you have better kids than I do. Lucky.)

1.
Great, isn't it?
I thought so too.
Don't have a real dog to do this for you?
Just buy this one.
The Poop Dog game from Toys R' Us.
"When you squeeze his leash he makes a gassy sound that gets louder and louder until...plop."
Wow.
That sounds like FUN!
The commercials are crazy and yes, my kids have asked for this one.
 
2.
This is Gooey Louie.
"Put your finger up his nose and try to pick a winner. Watch out...if you pick the wrong gooey louies eyes will pop, he'll flip his lid and his brain will fly out."
 
Dude.
Like we don't have enough issues with kids shoving fingers up their own noses.
And his brain?
I'm sorry...but, that does NOT look like a brain.
It's slightly phallic and there's no WAY I'm the only one that is seeing that.
Don't even lie.
My kids have also BEGGED for this toy.
They would probably just eat these boogers too...
 
3.
The Fart Blaster.
"With each fart sound a banana scented burst of air is emitted."
 
I live in a house with 3 boys.
We don't need anymore scented air coming out of anywhere.
I don't care how it's scented.
 
4.
Barbie Potty Trainin' Taffy.
"Barbie doll also cleans up after her because this adorable animal actually pees and poops!"
Swell.
Are people really that desperate to clean poop?
I'm so confused by this trend.
If that's not enough, you can buy this one too:

Are you tempted yet?
 
5.
Baby Alive Real Surprises Baby Doll
"Really pees and poops in her diaper."
Her face is full of regret, like a new mother that wonders what she got herself into.
How much you want to bet that doll never ate solid food again?
 
6.
LaLaLoopsy Babies Diaper Surprise Doll
"Feed your lalaloopsy Babies water, press their belly "button", and check their diaper for a surprise-magically poops charms."
 
I feel like we're just setting girls up for some major disappointment when they get older.
I don't remember find any prizes in my kids diapers.
Well, unless you count the dime incident.
But I don't really remember that being fun.
 
My daughter even called this one disgusting.
 
7.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
By Sam Haldenby on March 14, 2014
Toilet paper is nice and soft but only really good for one use. Fortunately, I had the foresight to buy several.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No
 
Copied that from Amazon.
Really needed a laugh after discovering all this.
 
Just in case all this wasn't enough, you could buy your kids the best toy ever:
Poo-dough.
Because we were getting board with regular play-doh.
I'm kind of amazed at how great it really looks.
The "corn nuggets" really sell it.
 
I really hoped I helped you discover some great Christmas Gifts for this upcoming season.
Your kids will love them all!