Friday, March 29, 2013

Pool Party! In March.

Spring has sprung!

Warm weather has arrived (by warm, I mean warm for here...40 degrees is toasty in Minnesota) and with it, the melting of all our snow.

Mother Nature decided to grant us the greatest gift of all- a pool! I always wanted a pool.

Or a lovely pond.

Either way, I knew that I was residing in the Land of 10,000 Lakes, but I did not anticipate the 10,001st forming in my backyard.

When I was a young girl, my siblings and I looked forward to this happening all year long. We would wait and watch all the snowfall, hoping for tons and tons, because we knew the consequences of all that snow would be when spring would finally arrive.

Our backyard went downhill slightly and at the bottom, where it flattened out, there would be a large accumulation of water due to all the melting going on. For us, this would be days of pure glee and tons of fun.

So. Much. To. Do!

We would use our sleds as boats, make the most awesome winter "stew" and waddle through it like we were on an expedition. There would be log "alligators" we would have to escape, giant sticks to be used as paddles and some serious splashing to be done.

I'm fortunate enough to have something similar for my kids to play with...or am I?

As the mom, I now realize what a disaster this could turn into and what a HUGE mess it makes!

I can't let them out there unsupervised any more, which totally cuts into my "Mommy quiet time" (like that actually exists...ever). They literally go swimming in it or they drink it.

And then they come in soaked to the core.  Which wouldn't bother me as much, if someone else did the laundry in the house.

But because I need to relax a bit, (a tiny, tiny, tiny bit...) I decided to just let them play, even if it was for just a few minutes. I took some pictures so you could check out our new pond.

Seriously considering some fish back there.

And maybe a waterfall.

This is what I saw when I first got out there.
Don't mind our chopped down tree in the back.
We're saving all that for one GIANT bonfire this summer.
It's going to be like a wildfire in our backyard.

The playground is now playing the part of "pirate ship".
Just like Evan always dreamed.

You can see the sandbox in the middle.
Or what's left of the sandbox.

Evan making his own winter "stew".
He dumped it on Morgan shortly after this picture was taken.

More playing and splashing going on.
And maybe some drinking...ewwwww.

My feet getting soaked.
Say one thing about the boots... I dare you.
They are ugly, but awesome.
Except when I waddle through water.

The lost shoe of summer that's now a boat.

Morgan won't stay out of it.
Which means, Morgan won't stop eating sticks and drinking the water.

Declan splashing.

Declan ignoring me completely and doing what he wants.
What else is new.

At this point, I was done.
I wanted them out of there.
You can see how much control I have.
More ignoring mommy...she's totally lame anyway.

Playing with his "boat".

After me telling him to not go in there, I seriously considered pushing him here.
Just a tiny bit.
Not a big push...more like a nudge.
But I didn't.
I swear. 

Some of the caverns I found in our yard.
We must have an entire river underneath all the snow.

I thought they were pretty.

I have no idea what was creating the swirls, but I found it pretty.
A little gross...but mostly pretty.

More swirly stuff.

The end result.
Hot darn mess.
So wet and smelly...never again.
You win this round, backyard...see you in the summer.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Click here for some motivational pictures...with my sarcastic comments added for free!

It's your lucky day.

I hunted/scoured/searched all over the Internet to find you the BEST motivational posters.

Then I added my own sarcastic comments below each one for your pleasure. Or mine.

Side note: If you are offended easily or don't like sarcasm, please don't continue. Sometimes I just like to be funny. Or maybe not so funny, as my husband puts it. Whatever.

I don't understand how this is supposed to motivate me to do something.
It's like they don't know me at all.
I prefer nothing.
Sounds a lot safer to me.
I'm all for those consequences.

I don't see plastic surgery on that list.
That's the only way I'll ever have perfect abs.
Or when they get rid of all the Oreo cookies from this planet.
Whichever happens to come first.
Noooooo! Who told you?!
I like the sound of those odds.
How is this supposed to motivate you?
Once again, doesn't that sound nice and safe?
I don't like change.
I'll have some nothing please.
With an extra side of nothing.
I'm now the most boring person you've probably ever met, right?
I'm OK with that.

I'm pretty sure that if I had a twin, I would be labeled as the "evil" one.
Therefore, I already win.
Another side note: How creepy do you have to be to imagine this scenario and get motivated by it? Weirdo.
Is the reward vomit?
Because that's coming up next.
Get it? Coming up...haha!
I'm hilarious.
Pretty sure if I'm in pain and hurt, and it's not childbirth, I quit.
And the only reason I didn't quit childbirth, is because there's not much of a choice once you get started.
Or else I would quit that too.
That's an interesting way of putting it.
"That person is sure dedicated to taking pictures of me through my window."
Or, "I love the way you are so dedicated to following me around and sending your toenails in letters to me. Most lazy people would never put forth this much effort to creeping me out."
I'm guessing this isn't what they meant when this poster was made.
I can always turn something meant to be motivational into something creepy.
It's just how I roll.

How many is it going to take?
Because after about 50 of these, my mood is still not that great.
You know what's even more simple?
Sit yo' ass on the couch.
Doesn't even require pants.
Or shaving your legs.

Or so creeped out they want to run away from you.
Maybe my "happy" is different from your "happy"?
This must be my happy face:
That's all I have to motivate you for today.
Hope this helps you sit on the couch more and relax a bit.
Chillax dude.
(Spellcheck hates the word chillax, but I've seen it on the Internet, so I know, for sure, it's a real word. Spellcheck is also mad at "creeped". Don't care. I do what I want.'re crazy.)
There's always tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah....shut up already.
I say that everyday.
You think you would just ignore me by now.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My son is turning into a vampire. Probably.

Or at least he thinks it's a possibility.

We had an awesome conversation the other day after I picked him up from school. Since I'm nice, I will share it with you:

Evan: "Mommy, today "Sarah" told me that her brother is turning into a vampire!" I'm using the name Sarah because I have no idea who he was talking about. I only pay attention to the funny parts.

Me: "What? How does she know that?"

Evan: "Because he hit one."

Me: "Yeah..." Pretty sure that's not how it works. At least not according to my expert opinion. And by expert opinion, I mean because I watch True Blood. "So now he's a vampire?"

Evan: "Yup!"

Me: "How did he hit one?" Seriously, this has to be much harder than it sounds. They are super fast. Once again, using True Blood as a reference point here or maybe Twilight. It's so hard to keep track.

Evan: "I think it was with a club or something."

Me: "Wow...that's pretty advanced for a kid."

Evan: "Now everyone at school wants to be a vampire. Sarah wants to become one so she used marker to color her eyebrows blue."

Me: "Dude. Why blue? Her eyebrows?" Her Mom must be pissed. At this point I'm so lost, I don't even know what questions I should be asking. But if I keep him talking, eventually it will all pour out, like hilarious vomit that I will write down just to use on here. I'm all about sharing the laughter.

Evan: "Mommy, you know that a vampires favorite color is blue. That's why she did it. So she could be a vampire now too." See what I mean? I learn something new everyday. I had no idea that vampires favored blue.

Me: "Do you even know what a vampire is?"

Evan: "Not really...but it's a monster thing. I think."

Me: "Well, they aren't real."

Evan: "I know that. But "Sarah's" brother doesn't. Because now he is one."

Me: "I don't think he is one. He's probably just weird."

Evan: "That's good. Because I don't want to be one. I don't like blue."

I think that the color blue should be the least of your worries.

I'm glad he had enough sense to not try to color his eyebrows. I feel bad for that Mom.

My husband will probably say something like, "This is what happens when your Mommy spends a lot of time watching Twilight and True Blood." (In my defense, I don't watch in front of my kids. Don't judge me people.)

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

You totally want to be my friend....right?

If you don't know me at all or very well, you may not know that in social situations I get very anxious. It doesn't matter if I've known you for awhile or not. My hands go numb, my stomach gets those nervous cramps and I sweat like I'm running a marathon. (This made dating especially awesome.)

I get anxious around people because I am not a talker. As an introvert, I prefer to watch rather than join in. Also, I tend to say the wrong things at the wrong time. All the time.

But because I'm tense during these conversations, I love to add humor to "lighten things up a bit" or if I make them laugh with me, at least it won't be at me.

Unfortunately, my humor is seriously awkward and this whole thing ends up being one vicious circle.

I hate talking because I'll say something awkward, but I think if I add humor it will make it less awkward, but I end up saying the wrong thing and make the situation even more awkward than it needed to be in the first place.

I know, right?

Welcome to my head.

So, onto the story that made me explain all this crap in the first place.

Today we went to the gym. And since I'm posting this tomorrow morning, I'm talking about Monday. I should just erase this and say "When I went to the gym on Monday" but I'm lazy.

Keep reading. I swear it will get better than this.

Anyway, after doing my workout, I went to the daycare area of the gym reluctantly to retrieve my 3 kids. There was another Mom there doing the same thing and her son was around the same age as the twins. (2 years people, keep up...) He had a particular attachment to Morgan and kept trying to give her a hug. (She has my looks, so it's no surprise he wanted to hug her. See, I'm totally funny, right?)

Unfortunately for him (and her future spouse), Morgan is not a hugger. So it was no surprise when she was less than thrilled when this boy grabbed her from behind and squeezed her. For awhile.

The other Mom was trying to convince her son that a 5 second squeeze was probably good enough, but he wasn't done.

She was smiling at me when she said, "He is giving her quite the molesting hug there."

I decided to add to the conversation this interesting little tidbit, "I'm pretty sure that's the only way boys know how to hug."

The conversation ended after that. I'm not sure she even appreciated my attempt at being humorous.

She wouldn't even make eye contact with me after that.

I thought I was hilarious!

There's more where that came from, I can assure you. Stick around and I'll either make you laugh or make you want to run for your life.

It's surprising that I don't have more friends.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Dude, Where's My Life? Oh yea...buried underneath that pile of laundry.

Do you ever have one of those days when you are seriously lacking motivation to get done what you need to get done?

I've had so much caffeine today, I could fuel my car for a week and yet, my house is still a disaster. I keep thinking that if I just add more caffeine, I will actually get off my butt and get to work. AND YET, after 2 packets of Crystal Light Energy and 1 full cup of coffee, here I am. Staring at my computer screen....wondering when the caffeine will just take over and put me in a cleaning coma* so I can stop feeling guilty about spending all my time online, giggling over cat videos.

I'm thinking that it's not the level of caffeine holding me back from accomplishing my tasks today...but rather the fact that I repeat this on a daily basis.

It's just that no matter how many times I clean it, wipe it, organize it and vacuum it, the next day I will have to repeat that entire process. (Talking about the house here...just in case you were lost. I read through it again and felt I should probably clarify.)


And annoying.

I may not be like this forever and one day my kids will be older and not so messy, blah, blah, blah. I'm not holding my breath. If they take after me, at all, then we will be on an episode of Hoarders one day in the for it. "1 anxiety/OCD ridden mother and 3 kids, buried beneath the junk, bonus points if you can find where she put her sanity, since it's been missing since 2007".

I spend 2 hours a day, cleaning this pigsty. 2 hours. A. Day. 2 hours that I COULD be watching Doctor Who episodes or doing something useful, like staring at (check it out and waste some time! You're welcome). Pretty sure that's what my husband thinks I do anyway.

2 hours a day I clean this house.

For no reason.

Other than to torture myself I guess. (Or to keep my husband from going full out crazy pants on me.)

My husband comes home from work, takes one look at the house and asks, "Did you accomplish anything today?" (Seriously-this from the man who decides to wash GARAGE towels in my washer and now it's coated with what I can only assume is some sort of thick grease that is normally used to lubricate Big Ben gears with the amount that is now covering the agitator, but is not water soluble, because it's NOT coming off my washer no matter how many times I run it. I'm feeling a little stabby right now, Jalon.)

Why, yes, I did. I spent 2 hours, picking up this pit, scrubbing the toilets, wiping down the dust, and scrubbing the kitchen. Then I spent the next 2 hours after that watching the kids, bring out every toy they own, spill juice on my carpet and use baby wipes to clean my windows. The dishes that are now sitting in the sink are the ones I found AFTER I ran the dishwasher and the ones used to prepare dinner because I can't clean while I cook. (I blame my ADD).

And the LAUNDRY. I know this isn't the first time I've said how much I despise. No hate. No, still not right...I loath laundry. Sounds better, right? Much more hateful sounding.

This is my laundry pile as of this morning:


Dude, Where's my laundry basket?

Who the heck is wearing all these clothes?

It's not me. I wear the same pajamas all week (don't judge me).

I think my family needs to take a few lessons from me:

#1. If no one is actually going to see your pants, why wear them?

#2. If they pass the sniff test and have no VISIBLE stains, you can keep wearing them...for awhile.

I'm guessing a few of you are cringing in disgust. Don't pretend you don't do the same thing. It's not as if I said that about underwear....geez.

*I swear, once I get started I usually can't stop. Although, in order to achieve this level, one must consume 3 times the normal amounts of caffeine allowed per day and actually "get started" on cleaning.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

This is it, I'm being open with you while still being "me"

Jay and I spent some time talking about our son Declan and how he may or may not have ADD. We aren't trying to self-diagnose and I know that he's very young, we were just told to prepare for the possibility that he may have it.
Jay took it upon himself to start doing research on symptoms of ADD and ADHD. Then he found a category for signs and symptoms in adults.
He read each one of them off out loud and I ended up answering yes to almost every single one of them.
Oops. It started off kind of funny, almost like a joke, but then turned into "This makes sense now, maybe I should see someone."
I had no idea that my daydreaming and losing my train of thought as often as I do, was a sign of this. I just thought it was "Mom of 3 kids" syndrome.

I'm seeing a therapist for my issues now...and I use the word "issues" lightly here because I'm not 100% sure what exactly is "wrong" with me. My doctor tells me I have lots of anxiety, but there's a bit more too it and we've only had 1 appointment so far. I don't really want to take medications for any of this, so for right now, we are just talking about things.

I want to be honest and open about who I am, because that's why I created this blog in the first place. I wanted to look more into the ADD and ADHD thing more so I decided to entertain myself with the Internet for awhile.
There are SO many fun quizzes out there that I can take regarding ADD and ADHD. We haven't talked about these issues yet, since my doctor wants me to work on my anxiety and OCD first. But, the Internet is there and I'm bored.
Here are my results from 3 different quizzes: 

Could You Have ADHD?

You got 17 of 20 possible.
Your score is highly suggestive of ADHD. You should consult a psychiatrist for evaluation. This is a diagnosis that can drastically change your life for the better.


Results of your
Attention Deficit Disorder Quiz

You scored a total of 42
A score of 36 and up means you are an adult living with ADHD.

Adult ADD/ADHD Screening Quiz Answers

Total score of: 103
(70 or Above, High Probability of ADHD)

Your answers to this adult ADHD screening test total 70 or over, which is associated with a high probability of ADHD.
(I can't remember where I found this one.)
Don't get me wrong, I am taking this stuff seriously by seeing someone and I'm not making fun of anyone that happens to be dealing with the same. But I tend to make things more humorous because it makes me feel more comfortable sharing with others. Please don't take offense by what I've written, this is just about me and my viewpoints on what's going on inside my head.
I just found the quizzes randomly on the Internet, although I know some take these seriously, I don't believe in being diagnosed from the Internet. I just found my results interesting when all 3 quizzes told me exactly the same thing.
This isn't easy for me, talking about what's going on inside my head and why I'm seeing a therapist, but I don't want to lie and try to cover it all up.
I do tend to make it more humorous, because if I'm still laughing then nothing could be that bad.


Thursday, March 14, 2013

Once again.... episode of "Things I never thought I would have to say out loud".

1. "Stop licking the windows!"

Morgan is the most guilty of this offense. I can't keep my windows clean thanks to her. The lower half of every window is smudgy and appears foggy.

2. "Please don't wipe poop on the wall!"

 Declan has a new habit of sticking his hands down his pants and one day, he did it after he filled his diaper and the result was something from a horror movie.

3. Because of #2, I now have to constantly say, "Get your hand out of your pants!" So gross.

4. To Evan, after he smacked Declan, "Don't hit your brother there! One day that will really hurt, for both of you."

5. "Could you please keep your pants on for more than 5 minutes!"

Wouldn't this be more entertaining if I had to say this to Jalon?

6. "Please stop licking my toes!"

Only Morgan...she's special.

Having kids is always an adventure. You find yourself yelling the strangest things out loud and sometimes, in public. I'm never sure if strangers find us highly amusing or just crazy.

I'm guessing crazy, based on the looks we receive and the way they hustle away from us, as if crazy is contagious.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Getting back into it.

I've decided that I need to kick this blog up a notch.

I haven't been writing as much, mostly writers block and deciding whether I should keep going with this blog or not.

But, I still like writing, so I'm just going to attempt to refocus and get my butt back on here full time.

So I entered the April Challenge from here:

I feel so distracted lately.

Maybe this will help with that. Not sure, but it's worth a shot, right?

Also, since April is my anniversary month, not only to my husband (9 years on the 17th!) but my 1 year being on my blog!

I MUST have a giveaway!

Not sure what it will be yet, but I will make it awesome.

This really isn't a "real" blog post I just want to make a quick update on what's going down here.

It's Spring break in my house right now and my kids are going haywire. Spring fever has spread through our home like a cold and all the kids want to go out to play, but it's still full on winter outside. Cabin fever is starting to set in so I've been spending my days trying to keep the kids from climbing the ceiling and licking the windows. My creative ideas are running slim and the kids are not buying my "fun" ideas anymore. "Let's clean the house/dance party" is not met with the same enthusiastic response anymore.

Evan: "Mommy, what are we going to do now?" (This was asked after leaving Target)
Me: "Probably go home, watch TV and I'll start making dinner and wash the dishes."
Evan: "You are not a fun Mommy."
Me: "Thanks a lot." I should have said, "I'll watch TV while YOU make dinner and wash dishes." Bet I would have raised my fun level a TON.

We are all clinging on to the last threads of sanity that we have left, hoping that spring is just around the bend. This has been making my ability to focus on anything for a long period of time non-existent.

I enjoy winter but I think it's time for it to release it's grip and move on. We are ready for some warm sunshine and thunderstorms!

I know...not everyone likes tornadoes as much as I do.


Thursday, March 7, 2013

Just hit me over the head next time...much less painful

I received a phone call about a month ago about some free carpet cleaning.

Awesome, I thought, we've been talking about cleaning our carpet for months now, and here are some people telling us they will do it for FREE!

Our carpet looks diseased, riddled with spots and hard, crunchy parts. Full of grape juice stains, sand and rubbed in old french fries. If you removed all the crap from a home that previously contained hoarders, it's what you would find underneath...minus the dead cats.

When the carpet lady called, I wanted to know everything. All they said is that they we're referred to me by a friend (friend is now a term I shall use loosely) and it would take them approximately an hour and a half to shampoo our carpets. For free.

"For free?" I asked, hesitant to accept until I understood fully. She reassured me that it would be free because of this referral.

"Free" usually means "there's a catch somewhere, good luck finding it in time to save yourself the money".

So I referred her to my, super-chatty, husband.

My husband took the phone call but didn't look into it like I thought he would. He's usually more inquisitive than I when it comes to "free" stuff, so I thought FOR SURE that he would ask more questions. But he didn't. All he did was jump on the "free" boat and set up an appointment.

You can probably guess where this is leading.

Or maybe you're like us, suckers.

Our appointment arrived and the "team" of carpet cleaners turned into one man with a box.

Inside this box was a Kirby vacuum.


I'm not claiming to be a psychic or anything, but I had a feeling that we were in for it.

If you have ever had a vacuum person come to your home, you know how it all starts. They use your vacuum to clean your home then put in the magical, pristine white filters in their vacuum and then use that to really clean your home.

I was gagging. After vacuuming for an hour, he had about a sandbox full of filth, lint and old food.

"I swear, I vacuum everyday! OK, not every day..but at least since last summer!"

"It's not your fault", he assured me, soothing my anxiety about having filth consume my home, "it's just your vacuum."

But my husband and I were still firm in our position about not buying this vacuum.

Not going to happen.

$2,000? Nope. I could buy books or shoes. Screw having a clean floor.

But then the deals started to happen...and my husband was all "It was pretty gross seeing all that dirt..."

Crap. I knew it was up to me to save our bank account. Shoes and books. Remember, all shoes and books that I could purchase instead!

I tried remaining strong.

He suggested we give him friends and family as referrals to get more money taken off the price of the vacuum. But I couldn't let my friends and family be sucked in like we were. Tricked. Bamboozled. I don't have many friends to begin with...I should work harder to keep them.

Then he shampooed our carpet.

That's what our carpet is supposed to look like!

I think we just threw our credit card at him. Not quite sure what happened exactly, I blanked out after that but I am now an owner of a brand new vacuum cleaner and my carpets look and smell fantastic.

3 hours + $1,200 = an evening full of regret.

OK, it's not that bad. I get clean floors, I guess.

I still think I would look better in high heels.

Friday, March 1, 2013

8 O'Clock P.M. = Uncontrollable Cravings

8:00 p.m. is probably one of the hardest times for me to remain faithful to my new diet.

Why 8:00 p.m.?

Because of these:

1. The kids are asleep, so I don't have to share.
2. I can relax...and not share.
3. I can eat in the living room....and not share.
4. I can eat as much as I want and don't have to share.
5. I can bust out the REALLY good treats...and not share.


Very good reasons.

But now, after removing treats from my daily routine, 8:00 p.m comes around, my stomach has been protesting...loudly.

There's a part of me that's all, "Let's just eat it so it's not in the house anymore. Next time you go to the store, don't buy anymore treats." Suuuuuuuurrre.

I wrote a poem, just because I wanted to. Actually, it sounded a little more "rap" like in my head.

Standin' in the kitchen
in my bare feet.
Just started my diet,
but I'm cravin' a treat.

I tried talkin' to my tummy,
"NO tummy, we don't need to snack.
You are getting really jiggly,
and there's a new roll on my back."

But then tummy growls and rumbles,
putting up one heck of a fight.
"Listen up girl, feed me a cookie,
and I won't bother you again tonight."

I spot the bucket O' cookies,
the snack cakes galore.
Maybe the calories don't count,
if I lick the kids leftovers off the floor?

How desperate am I
for one tasty little treat?
Really Danielle? The floor?
That's where we put our nasty feet.

Who decided to buy all this sugar?
Who needs all this junk?
I need to break free of this kitchen
Or I'm going to eat my way out of this funk.

My tummy tries again,
to convince me to cave.
"Just have one tiny cookie,
then I promise I will behave."

"You LIE tummy!
I know that ain't true!
I will eat one cookie,
then come back for two!"

This diet is going to be hard,
a battle I may not beat.
I need to gain some control soon,
or I may lick the floor for a treat.

My husband may put up with a lot
due to marrying me
But this could be the end for him
if he catches me talking to my tummy....

Have a great Friday!