I received a phone call about a month ago about some free carpet cleaning.
Awesome, I thought, we've been talking about cleaning our carpet for months now, and here are some people telling us they will do it for FREE!
Our carpet looks diseased, riddled with spots and hard, crunchy parts. Full of grape juice stains, sand and rubbed in old french fries. If you removed all the crap from a home that previously contained hoarders, it's what you would find underneath...minus the dead cats.
When the carpet lady called, I wanted to know everything. All they said is that they we're referred to me by a friend (friend is now a term I shall use loosely) and it would take them approximately an hour and a half to shampoo our carpets. For free.
"For free?" I asked, hesitant to accept until I understood fully. She reassured me that it would be free because of this referral.
"Free" usually means "there's a catch somewhere, good luck finding it in time to save yourself the money".
So I referred her to my, super-chatty, husband.
My husband took the phone call but didn't look into it like I thought he would. He's usually more inquisitive than I when it comes to "free" stuff, so I thought FOR SURE that he would ask more questions. But he didn't. All he did was jump on the "free" boat and set up an appointment.
You can probably guess where this is leading.
Or maybe you're like us, suckers.
Our appointment arrived and the "team" of carpet cleaners turned into one man with a box.
Inside this box was a Kirby vacuum.
I'm not claiming to be a psychic or anything, but I had a feeling that we were in for it.
If you have ever had a vacuum person come to your home, you know how it all starts. They use your vacuum to clean your home then put in the magical, pristine white filters in their vacuum and then use that to really clean your home.
I was gagging. After vacuuming for an hour, he had about a sandbox full of filth, lint and old food.
"I swear, I vacuum everyday! OK, not every day..but at least since last summer!"
"It's not your fault", he assured me, soothing my anxiety about having filth consume my home, "it's just your vacuum."
But my husband and I were still firm in our position about not buying this vacuum.
Not going to happen.
$2,000? Nope. I could buy books or shoes. Screw having a clean floor.
But then the deals started to happen...and my husband was all "It was pretty gross seeing all that dirt..."
Crap. I knew it was up to me to save our bank account. Shoes and books. Remember, all shoes and books that I could purchase instead!
I tried remaining strong.
He suggested we give him friends and family as referrals to get more money taken off the price of the vacuum. But I couldn't let my friends and family be sucked in like we were. Tricked. Bamboozled. I don't have many friends to begin with...I should work harder to keep them.
Then he shampooed our carpet.
That's what our carpet is supposed to look like!
I think we just threw our credit card at him. Not quite sure what happened exactly, I blanked out after that but I am now an owner of a brand new vacuum cleaner and my carpets look and smell fantastic.
3 hours + $1,200 = an evening full of regret.
OK, it's not that bad. I get clean floors, I guess.
I still think I would look better in high heels.