Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Twas the Night Before All Hallows Eve

Twas the night before All Hallows Eve, when all through the house,
scary creatures were getting restless, they even ate the mouse!
The pumpkins were carved with scary faces of delight,
Hoping that the children will scream with terror and fright.

The children were sleeping, finally worn out from fear,
while visions of trick-or-treating filled them with cheer.
My husband and I in jammies so old and torn,
crawled into our bed feeling tired and worn.

When out on the lawn, we heard a loud sound,
we argued over who would get cold to do some checking around.
I lost the battle, and climbed out of the cozy bed,
creeped to the window filled with a haunting dread.

The full moon gleamed over our Halloween cemetery,
stretching out the dark shadows making me wary.
When, what to my searching eyes should discover,
A glowing light in the dark, just starting to hover.

I rubbed my eyes hard, because it's hard to see without glasses,
Everything looked so blurry and weird, like looking through molasses.
I tried blinking them clear, to be sure of what was lurking on my lawn
The light grew and grew brighter, like the growing light of dawn.

I gasped with the shock of what I was seeing
But it was gone in a flash, so quick and very fleeting.
I realized real quick that this was no spirit or ghost.
Just a car passing through, slowing to a coast.

I laugh at myself because I was shaking that night.
So scared of what I thought, it gave me such a fright.
The sound was the neighbors, annoying as always
Not some ghoul or monster, prowling my hallways.

I decided to go back to bed, scared no more,
But then I heard something even worse, my husbands loud snore.
I groaned with disgust, I can't sleep with that sound
Sometimes a stray kick will help him stop, I have found.

So if Halloween is something you fear, fills you with dread,
Stop being scared, I don't believe in the walking dead.
The loud snores coming from our bed are much more scary,
Than any ghost or monster, no matter how hairy.

I hope you have a Halloween, filled with lots of candy
Snickers, lollipops and Tootsie Rolls are dandy.
Go ahead and dress those kids up real scary or even super cute,
Then after they are done trick-or-treating, eat all their loot.

And after it's done, turn off the lights, relax and breath a sigh,
Put away all the Halloween crap and, for now, say good-bye.
You can steal from your kids stash of candy without a fight,
What more do you want? Happy Halloween and good night.

Anyway, that poem is quite random, sorry about that. I wanted it to sound much better, but there are time limits here. These dishes won't wash themselves and there are lots of Halloween shows on that are calling my name =).

Happy Halloween!

As promised, I have some pictures of our pumpkins from our pumpkin carving party last night:

The kids used paint. I cleaned out a pumpkin for Evan and let him draw the design on.

Cleaning pumpkins is my favorite part. 
Except when I'm sitting next to Morgan.
Notice the hand full of black paint?

After cleaning out at the table, some went our tarp covered living room for carving.
Morgan and Declan decided to help out.
By stabbing people with pencils.

Grandma trying to use the Halloween house as an idea for her pumpkin.

Some of the mess.

Almost as big as a pumpkin.
Poor chapped lips.

Kind of cranky.

The mess from the kids.

Our pumpkins all glowing.
Jay and I carved a few more later that night.
We had lots.
And everyone left theirs behind for us.
Now we have tons.

Jalon did 2.
I think I did 2 as well.
I can't remember.
We were up half the night cleaning these suckers out and carving.
Plus, I cleaned all the seeds for eating purposes.
I get tired and then I get forgetful.
All of our pumpkins.
I can't WAIT for tonight!
Have a good one!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

What people type into Google that leads them here


How are you?

Strange? Weird? Confused?

All of the above?

I did some digging on my blog and found something funny I wanted to share.

You know when you type weird things into Google and you click on the page that most resembles what you were looking for? That search topic will show up for us to see what lead people to our blogs.

And guess what?

Some of you are a bunch of weirdos.

It's OK. Really. But I have to share some of these. Because they are just too funny. Some are pretty normal, if not a little boring. I didn't post the really boring ones, I'm all about the humor. Either way, super glad you stopped on by!

Here's a list of a few I could find:

1. Cinderella thrift store costume - makes sense and actually applies to my blog. Awesome.

2. Crazy family rule - Not sure I understand what you were looking for in the first place.

3. Crazy weather rants - Really? You searched Google for this? Bored much?

4. How to clean poop off walls - This was searched more than once. I explained once on how NOT to clean poop off of walls. I did not post a tutorial on this subject. I'm surprised at how many people have to deal with this and search Google in hopes to find some miracle to get that poop off the wall. Good luck. You can read my blog post and watch me ruin a perfectly good wall by scrubbing the crap (get it? I crack myself up) out of it.

5. Craigslist donut robot - you actually buy one of these, I demand you share the goods. Not sure why you just didn't hit up Try that out next time.

6. Belly roll girl - Now I want to Google this, just to see what comes up. I'm confused. I seriously hope I did not post any pictures of me doing anything that sounds like this.

7. In his undies - can't remember any blog posts on this subject...not sure what lead you here. Or why you are searching Google on this subject in the first place.

8. Sluts dressed in naughty school girl - yes. This makes perfect sense, considering I run a porn blog. I get that my blog may have popped up since I posted about slutty Halloween costumes. But after seeing a list of websites in Google, how did clicking my blog seem like the best option? Maybe it's not as dirty as my mind is making it out to be. Maybe it was someone looking for humor? Either way, funny stuff.

See what I mean?

Don't get me wrong, glad you stopped by for a visit. I hope you enjoyed your stay and will come back to read more wacky posts that I might put up in the future.

And please, keep typing good stuff into Google. I need a giggle.

P.S. Halloween is tomorrow! Did you know? Did you forget? I'm so disappointed in you! There will be tons of adorable little kiddos coming to my door and I'm so EXCITED to hand out candy. Then I get to search through my sons bag of candy after he goes to bed in hopes that I will discover many delicious treasures that I'm sure he won't miss. Woo-hoo! I'm holding a pumpkin carving contest tonight. I'll post pics tomorrow. Have a good one!

Monday, October 29, 2012

32 year old Cinderella.

Yeah. I'm 32. What of it.

I'll dress like a darn princess if I want to!

It was awesome.

It's never too late to play dress up. Halloween is the perfect holiday to do it in public.

And it gave me ideas to do future princess dresses. Maybe far, far into the future, but still. Maybe I'll get lucky and find more "prizes" at the thrift store. Hopefully, because I won't be paying full price for them.

As I promised- the pictures/evidence:

Before we left for the party.

I still look a little fluffy in the back. As if I didn't fit. I don't care.
Not giving up my candy.
Even if I have to suffer through a little back fat. 

Posing with Edward. He's our butler.
He's so handsome.

Posing with my husband.
Who cheated by wearing a costume that isn't a costume.
Yeah. I said it.
But it still looks good on him.
Cinderella is shy.
She hides on the couch and tears up in pain when the inside boning metal starts jabbing her in the ribs.

I felt pretty and had such a good time hanging out with friends.
Plus, I won a box of Spooky Pop tarts in the costume contest!
My kids were thrilled!
Some people were asking if I was going to put this on for Halloween to go trick-or-treating with my kids. The answer is...I'm not sure. It took me 2 hours to look like this. And that's with help. I'm not sure I could suffer through the process again just for an hour of candy-hunting. But it was fun to be dressed up and it would be nice to get more use out of the costume.
So maybe.
I just think I'll avoid the fake eyelashes this time. So annoying.
It is fun to play dress up though. Even if it's not just me doing it.
Morgan looks so cute as a Harry Potter:
She's such a nerd.  

But a nerd with a beautiful smile.
And a ladder wand.
Harry Potter must be a popular costume choice this Halloween.
Edward really, really wanted to play dress-up. He spends so much time standing there, holding the tray of candy and scaring the crap out of our kids that he deserves a break and some fun.
And who wouldn't get sick of that worn out, Victorian style gear. Finally, I decided to just give in and let him play along. I tried to get the Cinderella dress on him, but his limbs don't move.

He makes such a good Harry Potter.
Look at that smile!
That hat looks fantastic!
I apparently have too much time on my hands.
I better go get some laundry done now.
Happy Halloween!
But it's not over yet- so stay tuned!
More fun yet to come.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Time to's been way to long again!

That's how it works when you have kids. They run a fever one day and the next you're up all night because they have Croup. Ick.

So it's been awhile. But I'm here now! That's what counts, right?

I have a TON to tell you...I hope you have coffee, because this will take awhile. 

A few weeks ago, my Mom held a craft night.
My sister was there and did a small Halloween craft house.
I went and worked on my tulle lights that I found on Pinterest.
(p.s. Tulle lights= worst waste of time ever!)
And my Mom made some pillows for my sister.
Then my sister had an idea to dig up a dollhouse that has been buried in my parents basement since 1992. "Some" assembly required.
And by "some", I mean "box full of microscopic pieces."
The box should have said "Good luck, you'll never get this shit together. But please take pictures so we can laugh about it."
This was the house. So pretty and looks so simple!

Holy crap. What are all those boards for? Oh..those are the tiny pieces you punch out...sounds time consuming and kind of like torture.

What is more scary, the boards or the fact that they need a warmup sheet for the instructions?
I like how it states in big letters "DON'T PANIC".
Should have printed that on the box.
I'm past panic now. 

And it came with a bag of cocaine.
Or stucco powder.
Either way, I quit.
Back in the box it goes.
See you in another 20 years.
My costume is finished.
For the most part.
I still have to put it on and make sure it stays on for a few hours.
I'm thinking of gluing it to my body.
Or staples might help.
My Mom can work miracles with fabric.
She took the dress home with her, added the extra bits and fixed the back so I could wear it.
Don't believe me?
Just look for yourself- 

The dress front. Looks like Cinderella, right?
It better.
There really isn't another option.
I added the sleeves, so those will more than likely fail.

Dress won't zip? Add some grommets, ribbon and call it good.
It's a little snug still.
I won't be breathing that night anyway.

I tried to find glass slippers, but they cost $30 and I was trying to keep the costume under $40.
So my husband found these uglies at the thrift store and I decided to coat them with glitter.
Best idea ever?

Not even a little.
Clumps of glitter everywhere.
Use something else.
Anything else, if you plan on attempting this.
It will be fuzzy slippers for me.
The rest of my costume.
Gloves, gold hair spray, a blue bracelet I just happened to have.
Extra blue fabric to cover a headband I have.
The bracelet was purchased from my parents years ago.
I love antique jewelery.
Now I actually have a reason to wear it.
The party is on Saturday.
Wish me luck.
Whew...tired yet?
Good...I have lots more to tell you!
I decorated my house for Halloween.
It's a little overdone, but I have fun with it.
I even have decor from the 70's when my parents had a Halloween party.
They are my favorite.
A quick view of the stupid tulle lights.
Never again.

Our butler. He is "hiding" because he scares the kids. But he's heavy.
We brought him out for the party last night, but my husband can't take him down until later today.
Even though he's holding a platter of candy within reach, I have no worries.
Although, Declan has been calling him "papa".
Papa = Grandpa.
It's so cute.
This is my dining room table decor. I liked it but I'll have to remove it now.
The kids want to color on it.
The menu won't be as scary with cute scribbles on it.

A close up of the pain-in-the-tush tulle lights.
This took 10 yards of tulle and I only made it halfway.
I doubled the strand so I wouldn't have to go as far.
If you do this, get LOTS of tulle and a very short strand of lights.
Or be prepared for a month of work that will just piss you off every time you look at them.

My Halloween quilt.
My Mom made this for me for my birthday.
I told you about her abilities with fabric.
She's amazing and I'm a VERY LUCKY daughter.
I had a birthday.
I turned 32, reluctantly.
But it was a good one!
I even have proof!
Despite the look on my face, I was not drinking.
My husband took the picture.
That should explain everything.

I'm singing Happy Birthday to myself. The kids are just waiting for me to cut the cake already.

Yes. I'm hot.
But taken.
Even my poor Evan looks frightened.
Am I even on 5? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to scroll back to check.
I've been making signs and stuff.
My sweet husband has been selling them for me on Craigslist.
I made $45 already!
Coffee anyone?
Here's my current one I'm trying to finish:
I like it so much, I'm not 100% sure I'm going to be able to part with it.
Since there were pictures of my boys up above,
I decided to add a couple of my girl.
She likes the camera.
A lot.
I know, I know. A Santa shirt in October.
Get over it.
Plus, look at that smile.
Just don't look at that hair. Oofta.

I love this face.
Ok. I'm done updating.
I'm pretty sure I've covered it all.
I hate it when kids get sick.
I get very spacey and forget everything, just so I can focus on surviving.
I even forgot to send my son's homework in with him today. :/
I have more parties coming.
I'll take more photos and let you know how the dress holds up.
Happy Halloween!


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Crafting a Thrift Store Costume for Halloween.

I found it.

Yesterday I was stressed and concerned that I wouldn't find the right costume for me.

Then we went secondhand shopping and there it was.

The dress. It was BIG, fluffy, powder blue with sequins and beads covering the layers of tulle. I fell in love.

It reminded me of Cinderella and I had to have it.

$15 later I was the proud owner of a Cinderella ball gown that didn't fit.

Crap. Thought that one through didn't I.

Darn candy, ice cream and my lack of exercise....

So I took the dress over to my Mom and we discussed a few adjustments that could be made to turn this dress into something perfect for me and I could actually wear without it falling off because I can't actually zip it.

I was debating on whether I should leave it, fix it up a bit and just be Cinderella for Halloween or dye it black, wear my black mask and turn it into a masquerade ball gown?

So many choices...

We picked Cinderella.

I've always wanted to play princess...maybe 32 is a little old for this fantasy to play out, but I don't really care! It's so pretty.

I know it doesn't exactly scream beautiful, hunched over on my couch, but it will be.
I see lots of potential in this gown.
We are planning on turning it into a Disney version of Cinderella gown. I'm going to add more sparkles, just because I like things that sparkle =). My Mom is going to help me modify the dress by sewing on some sleeves and those white humps on the side (no clue what to call that). Add some gloves, black choker, a headband and POOF, Thrift-store Cinderella is complete.
I will post progress reports, with photos, if anyone is interested. I'm excited. Not like I needed another project added to my plate, but this won't take too long (hopefully).
Wish me luck.
Either way, it's still better than a sheet with eye-holes cut out.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Anyone order an extra slutty Halloween?

Halloween is one of my favorites.

If you've ever read this blog, you would already know that little tidbit.

It's all about candy, fun decorations and awesome costumes. Notice the word awesome- not slutty, skimpy or non-existent.

My husband wants to go to a Halloween party this year and I'm scared.


Maybe it's because I've given birth to 3 children, I'm 32 years old and most of the costumes I get to choose from resemble this:

Army girl? I get a weapon right? If it comes with the boobs, I'm in! Or those boots. I bet I could wear those again, all year round. They would pair nicely with my daily sweatpants and stained t-shirt.

This is Princess Leia from Star Wars. I could only do Star Wars if I was Darth Vader.
This shows WAY too much skin.
Why even put clothes on? Just spray paint your undies and save yourself $50.
Although, I guess if my tummy looked like that, I would grease it up and waltz it around just as she did.

Naughty school girl.
Yes. They still make this one.
It's a bestseller.
Kill me.
Not only do I NOT want to wear those costumes, but I'm scared for my daughter. Is that what she has to look forward too? Grrrrreeeat.
If I choose not to wear the "slutty" version, they do make "normal" versions for us "weirdos".
Yes, this is an option. It's so "cute". Just what I wanted to be at 32 years old.

I actually like this one. My only issue is that it costs quite a bit. And yes, $54 is quite a bit in my book. But if I can talk my husband into spending $100 for one night, maybe he'll get the matching Men's costume.

This costume would hide EVERYTHING. But does it need to be so ugly? Sorry if this offends you...just not my idea of a good costume.
What makes a good costume?
Maybe one that doesn't turn me into a slut. Maybe one that you don't have to read the package to see what it is because there is so little of it that you can't tell just by looking.
I've seen pictures of people at Halloween costumes and half the fun is just trying to guess what each girl came as. It's as if there's a competition on who can out-slut everyone else.
I just want a good costume that fits without showing my baby flab, that people won't look at and say "who are you trying to be?" and didn't cost an arm and a leg.
Any ideas?
Sheet with eyeholes it is.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Get my butt in gear!

I haven't been on here...because I've been hiding in the basement like a hermit.


Because Christmas is hovering closer and closer and I'm busy working on stuff for everyone! OK, not everyone. Not every person appreciates a hand made gift. But hopefully I can find a few people that appreciate some gift made with love.

So I've been making more signs to sell on Craigslist (sold one for $20! woohoo!) and creating a stained glass project that's been waaayyy out of my normal comfort level. Plus, planning more projects that will come after I finish this round.

My "teaser" photo. This is just one of the many I have to create and then put together to make one piece. I'm scared. Sorry it's all goopy. I didn't clean the flux off.

On top of that, I'm making a monster hat for Halloween, working on some Halloween lights and trying to finish a Halloween sign.

AND THEN- I still have a door to sand, a fireplace mantel piece to work on and a headboard and foot board that need some attention.

While I'm doing all this- I'm raising 3 kids, trying to work on a puzzle (go me a nerd), clean the house, manage my laundry pile, planning a couple Halloween parties and make time for eating.

I'm apparently a little busy. But it's my own fault...I put too much on my plate and I actually like it that way sometimes. I like making to-do lists and knocking them out. It gives me a sense of purpose.

We are also planning something new for Christmas this year. Well, two things actually.

#1- A new way of doing Christmas to prevent it from getting out of hand. Last year I went shopping on Black Friday (my favorite day of the year) and bought so much stuff I was SURE the kids would LOVE for Christmas. Turns out, after all that trouble, money and wrapping, I'm already giving a TON of toys away because they never touched half of it. Evan just tore through gifts like he wasn't even seeing them and I felt like I spent so much time picking out the PERFECT gifts! I thought for sure he would spend the appropriate amount of time oohing and ahhing over the gifts. Nope.

So we've (my husband is totally on board-less money= happy husband) decided to try something new.
I found this on Pinterest and gave you the link as well. This will help us focus a little bit and not just go crazy with "I want, I want, I want". My 5 -year old could sit down with one of the MILLION toy catalogues that find their way to our home and circle every toy he wants with a marker, then hands them out when people come to visit.
We are also asking each family member to keep it to a 1 toy- per child. Our kids don't need much. Not more toys anyway. Maybe some socks. Mittens and hats are always welcome, since they are the first to go missing.
And with my husband, I figure 1 gift for each of us is good enough. I have a hard enough time buying him something as it is. He's the HARDEST person to shop for EVER. Seriously. EVER. He tends to pick the most random stuff off of ebay or wants a very specific or very expensive tool that I could never find or buy or bring home without him knowing. I could physically harm him except that I actually managed to find him something he wants this year. So there, Jalon =P.
#2. The other new item we are trying this year is RACK.
This makes me very happy and excited for December!
It stands for Random Acts of Christmas Kindness. It's going to take over our advent calendar this year. And it's going to show my 5 year old what Christmas should really be about. I want him to appreciate the giving portion of Christmas more than the getting. The twins will be involved in this as well, but being 2 years old, they may just end up eating more of the donations than anything else.
This is the original link that I found online. But there are tons of people out there that do this and have so many wonderful ideas. I have a list of 25 things we will be doing. I actually have a list that's more like 30 items, so we might end up doing 2 on one day, depending on what's going on.
Unlike the blogger above, I don't have tons of money to buy/give, so I'm going to donate my time or items that I have here. If you're like me and maybe don't have a lot, donate time instead. Or items you no longer use/need in your home. Like instead of Starbucks gift card handouts, I'll see if the women's shelter needs donations. Or if we can spend a couple hours at our local food shelf.
We will be making tons of cookies/cakes/goodies to take to firefighters, police station and to Evan's school. He's very excited to take it to the firefighters and police station, he's hoping they'll let him stay and play.
I'm working on being more involved on Christmas. Not just spending all my time on shopping (which I hate) on gifts that aren't really needed. And I really want my kids raised with the belief that Christmas isn't about presents or what Santa will bring you this year.
I also encourage you all to join us. Maybe create your own list or come with us when we do ours. We're going to spread some Christmas joy this year and hope it's as contagious as the flu.