I'm sorry if this does not apply to you. But if you have a husband, good friend or even a dog, some of these may actually work.
I realized how great having kids was today in the grocery store, but it came as a shock because I never really noticed how often I tend to do this. I love pointing fingers at my kids, much easier and they don't have a clue. Here are a few reasons having kids comes in handy:
1. Need to fart while in public? No problem! Just go for it and start pointing fingers. Everyone knows that children stink to high heaven all the time. Be warned however that if your child is old enough, he will start pointing fingers right back at you. (Darn you Evan. Luckily I have two more that are still in the dark about this trick.)
2. Tip over a display in the grocery store? Easy! Take the kid out of the cart and no one will even think of blaming you once they see how crazy your child starts acting. (I have to brief Evan on keeping a secret on this one. He's a blabbermouth.)
3. Spill your drink at a restaurant? Piece of cake! Switch seats with a child and all is good. (Make sure the drink is non-alcoholic to prevent any visits from child protection services. Not a conversation I want to be having.)
4. See someone you really don't want to talk to? Whisper in your kids ears that they aren't getting any dessert after dinner and the tears will start rolling. Watch as people avoid you and the ear piercing screams about chocolate chip cookies.
That's about all I have. There are probably a million more ideas, but I'm too lazy to think of them. My kids are really acting up today, so I have to cut this one short.
I'm really good at this!