Thursday, May 10, 2012

Hoarders Annoynomous

My name is Danielle.
I am a Hoarder.
More specifically, I'm a food hoarder.

About a year ago, I decided to try couponing. Not "normal" couponing, but more of the "extreme" variety (wouldn't it be funny if by extreme I meant a timed grocery shopping expedition in which you had a Hunger Games style fight to see who could get the deals first and save the most at the end? Actually, it's almost like that, just grab a shopping cart for your weapon and battle on! This would be more entertaining if I was actually joking. Ask my style of grocery shopping is brutal.) It was very difficult and time consuming at first. Then I started to get the hang of it. I became better and better, which brought in more food in large quantities. (Woo-hoo on saving money!)

Then I needed more storage.

My husband created a pantry for me out of the playroom closet. That became very full, very fast. (Yes, I am showing you all my food. I like marshmallows...leave me alone.)

He built me a 5 tiered shelf in the basement. Which is now very full as well. (Woo-hoo on making my husband roll his eyes at me when I filled the entire shelf with 1 shopping trip.)
(And yes, I know I have wood paneling in my basement, but it's not as if I put it there! But it is hiding the homes of several species of centipedes so it can stay...for now.)

I have more food and supplies than most people need in a year. Why?

Because I'm obsessed. I have a problem. I LOVE saving money and if I have to buy lots of something in order to do that...well, get me more room! I can't stop buying food...lots of food. (Sometimes I want to giggle and roll in all the cereal I have, but I can't stand the thought of crushing my Cocoa Puffs.)

But, guess who's house you'll want to come to when the Zombies attack or your grocery store blows up? (I don't know why the grocery store blows up, but I'm having a hard time coming up with some good reasons here...just go with it.)

That's right. Mine. (We can live off my pasta, cereal and loaves of bread. I'm a lover of all things starchy.)

Ok, so I have more deodorant than I may need for a few years, but at least you know we won't smell bad here. (I even donated a TON for the Stamp Out Hunger, so take it easy. I have about 10 bags full of food that poor mailman, in his tiny mail truck, will have to load up.)

I believe I inherited this "disease" through my parents. My parents are appliance hoarders (Mom, Dad...I love you. Please don't kill me for this). Every new appliance that comes out is a "must have". They buy it, break it and store it. Many appliances have met an untimely death at the hands of my Dad. (I was really looking forward to those mini donuts!)

You just never know...right? I have to take a month off of my shopping so my husband doesn't start getting all shouty at me for buying too much and not having any more room.

But I NEED more bottles of chocolate syrup for my coffee...


  1. Hysterical article. Husband Jae and I lived on $100 a month for groceries for the two of us when we were first married, so I know all about this.

    And when the zombies attack, if someone comes to you who's vegan, just send them my way. I've got the non-dairy version going on at my house.

  2. haha, preparedeness being my profession, you're actually well on your way to being where you should be. You've got the food covered, but what about water? Should a mega storm hit,(winter, summer, whenever, it doesn't matter) if the power is out and the water supply can't be pumped, is obstructed, whatever, You need to have at least a 72 hour supply for your entire family (this works for zombie outbreaks too obviously). I'm jealous of your amount of items. I don't even have my 5 shelf full! That reminds me, I need to find a food grade 55 gallon drum for water...

  3. I actually had a good storage of bottled water. But we tend to drink it whenever we get thirsty so it never lasts too long. I have a lot of food...almost too much of it is just crap. But I still smile when I look at all my jars of jelly.

  4. Okay it just cracks me up on how much we are alike, I do not coupon because I do not have the faintest idea on where to start to make it the most benifical for me, I am afraid it may be to time consuming for me..... However, food storage is something I have come to really love, I live in a largely LDS populated area so food storage if very common here. I have learned about something I really like that we have here alot, "CASE LOT SALES" you can buy in bulk for very cheap and I love it. It is amazing the amount of food I have stored down stairs in my laundry room. I went to Costco and bought one of those industrial resturant five tier shelves and man "O" man I make use of that thing. I bet I have enough food to feed my family for months if we rationed things properly..... so when the Zombies come food wise we are ready..... we are not prepared as far as water is concerned so I am going to start stocking up on bottled water, good thing I have a large laundry room for proper storage...... Oh and I wouldn't call it hoarding, I would call it being prepared....


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