Running for my life

I have taken up running.

Again.

This is not my first or last time I will have to re-train myself to run. I'm not a huge fan of running. I love the feeling after I've completed a run and I see my time and realize that I am getting better, despite the pain I feel.

I also love listening to my music, not having to think about anyone else for a half hour, and just being outside at dawn, before anyone else is awake, makes my day.

And that feeling you get, after running for a bit, when your body is adjusted to it all and you hardly notice you are running anymore...oh wait, that doesn't happen.

When I run, it's a very scary picture. People tend to move away when they see me coming. I was told before that I run "funny". Awesome confidence booster there. I also turn bright red and pant like I'm in the middle of birthing another child, when in fact, all I can seem to accomplish is 2 miles. Barely.

I don't know why I do this to myself.

Yes, yes I do.

Because I keep thinking that one day, I may accomplish a run that's more than 2 miles. That one day, I can keep these extra 20 lbs from spreading across my ass making it appear as if my thighs are full of cottage cheese. Then maybe I'll get that feeling of accomplishment from doing something that I trained so hard for and did something I've been scared of for so long.

When Jay and I took our trip up to Duluth for a weekend, we were there during Grandma's Marathon. HUGE run. Look it up if you don't know. www.grandmasmarathon.com Just because I'm nice.

We were driving at that point, taking different routes because the run was still going on when we were trying to drive in town. It was crazy! I cannot believe how many people did this run and it was not at all what I expected! Most looked like they trained for years. Some looked like they decided to get up today and just go for it. But no matter what they "looked" like, I was amazed by the actual attempt. We even saw a pregnant woman finish the run. Wow. I could barely get my ass out of bed during pregnancy, let alone complete a full out marathon.

It was inspiring watching these people finish a race they committed themselves to doing, for whatever reason. It was also inspiring to watch everyone encourage each other during and after the race.

To see someones face as they finished running 26 beautiful miles. I wanted that feeling. I also wanted a medal. And a t-shirt. Free stuff is awesome. (I know that it's not "free" but still...leave me alone.)

Part of me would love to be there at the end, cheering on those that finish. To photograph their faces and bottle up those emotions to keep with me forever.

The other part of me wants to be that person finishing a race. Doing something I never thought possible before.

Why can't it happen for me?

Not sure. Ok...that's untrue. It might be because I'm lazy. I have a hard enough time getting my own butt out of bed at 5:30 a.m. to run around my neighborhood for 2 miles, let alone train for a 26 mile race.

Plus, I heard something about losing toe nails...that's a little scary. I think my toe nails have a job to do down there, I think they should stay there. My feet are hideous enough without removing a nail that I can decorate and disguse the ugly.

I keep seeing all the people on my Facebook, in blogs and in books, completing HUGE races (including something called an Ultra-marathon? Holy crap...didn't even know that was an option.) and I really want to be one of those people.

Kind of.

So I decided to start small. This almost doesn't feel small enough, but I'm going for it. Why not? This Sunday, I will be running (with my husband and friend) in the Warrior Dash.

It's a simple 5K. With challenging obsticles. Look it up- www.warriordash.com And it's for a good cause.

I'm scared.

And excited because there's a medal AND a helmet at the end as a prize! Plus beer. If your into that sort of thing...which I will be.

I just keep thinking it will be like Basic Training obstacle course, without all the screaming about how much I suck at life. I hope. My husband might yell at me like that once he realizes how much I plan on slowing him down, but it's only to be expected.

Hopefully, I make it to the end, even if Jay has to strap me to his back or drag my heavy, filthy, mud covered, carcass across the finish line.

Because I really, really, really want that helmet. It even has horns...I'm going to wear it always.