Tuesday, June 5, 2012

How Embarrassing!

I have lots of embarrassing moments...A LOT! Usually I embarrass myself plenty, but now that I have kids, turns out there are tons of opportunities for embarrassment.

I decided to share some moments with you. The first two are MY embarrassing moments. My fault, on my own, by myself...all me.

1. This one is from a few nights ago. It's not as embarrassing, so I can just ease you in carefully. I wore a very cute white dress to work. It has black and gray stripes on it but it has some big white stripes. I even wore heels and made myself very uncomfortable to look wonderful for a whole 4 hours. Until I realized that I was wearing Hot Pink undies. Didn't even think about what kind of underwear I had on. And yes, you could see them. I decided to try to "roll" them a little so it wouldn't be as blaring, but no such luck. And there was NO WAY I was going to go...naked.  I just hoped no one looked as my ass. Which, I'm guessing, doesn't happen as much as I wish since it's as flat as Iowa now.

2. Another embarrassing moment would have to be the time I was pregnant with the twins. This is a bad one. If you have more "sensitive tastes" maybe this wouldn't be the best one to read. After going through the first trimester with twins and not wanting to eat a single bite of food, when the second trimester hit, I wanted to eat everything in sight! Certain things held more appeal than others and I found myself craving a gigantic sub sandwich from a Pizza place near the office I was working at. IT was loaded with a spicy dressing, onions and turkey. I devoured it. Inhaled it. It didn't stand a chance. Approximately 30 minutes later, my stomach is starting to ache to the point where I can't handle it anymore. I start to get up to walk to the privacy of the bathroom when I notice that every step I take, I fart. Loudly. In front of everyone. There's no fooling anyone. So I just start jogging. Jogging with an extremely gassy belly is never a good idea. Let's just put this one down as very embarrassing and should never be discussed again. Ever.

Now, if you have kids, I'm sure you have experienced your own embarrassing moments with them. Every kid is pretty much the same when it comes to be disgusting and if you haven't had these moments yet, be prepared. Oh, just kidding! You are never prepared!

1. They will fart in public. All the time. And it will be loud. They may even laugh about it. Or depending on the age, blame it on you.

2. They may throw up in Sams Club in the candy aisle, causing a HUGE mess and making you run out of the store as quick as you can.

3. Poop is apparently the most hilarious word to say out loud at the Zoo. Evan had to point out (loudly) that an animal was eating his own poop.  I had every Mom in the area glaring at me like I dared him to say it that loud.

4. Declan has been saying goodbye to his penis lately when I change his diaper. All you hear is "bye-bye wee-wee". Yes...this is actually happening. I think that's why he has been stripping down all the time. He must like looking at it and misses it after awhile. Boys...*sigh*.

5. Morgan has been calling random guys Daddy lately. And Jalon...I swear it's not my fault. Evan did this once too at a gas station. The guy had the same hat on and Evan walked right up to him and said " Hi Daddy". Oops.

6. They will poop all over and it will smell to high heaven. Then it will leak through their outfit or shoot up their backs and everyone will see it and then glare at you like you fed that poor baby Exlax.

7. Morgan had mosquito bites all over her arms and her eye, giving her the look of being attacked with the pox or some other disease. Her eye was so swollen I couldn't take her out in public for a few days. I didn't want to hear it because someone WILL say something.  And that someone would have been beat down with my glare...because I'm a wimp and probably won't do anything else.

8. Evan likes to sing along to music he hears and we are shocked at what he tends to retain. Songs I'm surprised even make it to the radio. Some are not my fault. Some are. I'm to blame for the "I'm sexy and I know it" one. But Jalon "I am not a whore" is so your fault!

Exposing little bits of myself is not my favorite thing to do, but it's nice to just put it all out there. Everyone embarrasses themselves at some point, mine just tend to be a little disgusting. Hopefully I didn't offend anyone with all my fart/poop talk.

It's my world now and you just stepped into it.


1 comment:

  1. Those were awesome little tid bits of emabarrasing moments, of course with having three children of my own, emabarrasing moments are the norm in my life as well and trust me I have had some good ones, for instance my family of five are sitting reverantly in church and at the quiet moment my just turned 2 yr old son decides it would be the perfect time to try the out F*&%, oh yes thats what he said, and beings that the precious little thing is my mini me with red hair I couldn't even look at him in disgust as though he may be someone elses child, oh yes hes mine..... not a proud moment for sure. Then there is the time that my oldest daughter age 3 1/2 decides to tell the checker at Walmart in a loud booming voice, "My mom had me before she got married" line of people a mile long behind me, yes I live in Utah a very moral and religious state, so I may has been wearing a huge scarlet letter on my chest, I know everyone was thinking that I was going straight to hell!
    So Danielle don't feel bad these are the moments that we can look back on when our children are young adults and say remember when you did or said this..... oh yes we can use it against them at some point hopefully....
    I have many more but this is your blog not mine.... :)


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