Saturday, April 20, 2013

Ridiculous

Ridiculous. I didn't plan that on being my word today.

But some days, life takes over, and this is just what happens.

This week has been ridiculous and I am done with it. Good thing it's Saturday.

Here, for your entertainment:

1.
My son Declan has been going through a phase of ripping off his diaper.
Most kids do this.
No big deal.
Just a little extra clean up when it comes with a bonus prize inside.
And when the bonus prize becomes a crayon.
This job should come with a hazmat suit.
It's extra annoying when it happens 3 times a day.
 
2.
Same son, from above, likes to jump around and play.
Sometimes that happens to be on your lap.
Sometimes you might be chewing on your cheek.
And then he jumps up and slams his head under your chin.
Because he has an abnormally large skull, you start bleeding.
Profusely.
From the inside your mouth after chomping off a chunk of skin.
And it keeps opening up for a few days because you can't stop chewing on that one sore spot.
Ouch...
 
3.
I hate spiders.
Who doesn't, right?
I've never met someone that was "pro" spider.
And if I did, I wouldn't like them just for that reason.
Here's what happened to me, just a few days ago:

 
This was me, typing away on the computer,
not even aware there was a threat dangling so close to my nappy hair.
And yes. My hair does look like that in real life.
It's chaos.
 
 
You know when you see something falling in the corner of your eye?
Most of times, I overreact to a random piece of fuzz and my husband thinks I'm nuts.
Not this time.
This time, I believe I reacted just fine.
 

Seriously.
Evan probably heard me at school, a mile away, and knew the exact reason for that scream.
Then I kept repeating, "NOPE, NOPE, NOT HAPPENING, NOPENOPENOPE!"
My twins just bolted.
They didn't know why they were running, but they knew to get the heck outta there.
Never seen those chubby legs move that fast.
 
This is what I wanted to do.
 
This is what I actually did.
Eventually.
Took me 10 minutes to gain enough courage to do it.
And the only reason it didn't take me longer was because the sucker started moving.
Skittering with his disgusting, knobby, spider legs across my ceiling.
Probably hoping to find a new spider hidey-hole.
Not happening. Not on my watch.
I stunned him with the Lysol, turned the vacuum on and sucked him up in it.
With all the extension tubes I could find, creating a 10 foot suction tube.
There needs to be a proper distance between me and that spider in case of accidental "falling".
Once I knew he was in there, I left that vacuum running for 5 minutes.
Just to be sure there were no spider legs trying to hang on in the tube.
Spider dead, house smells spring fresh and germ free.
I win.
 

27 comments:

  1. Hahahaha! I have a HUGE fear of spiders too; if you're interested look back at my Friday Fact or Fiction post on it to explain the full extend of my spider phobia :)

    I actually pay my daughter, who is unbelievably BRAVE beyond her 10 years, a dollar, to dispose of any spiders that happen to enter my house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really hope I get at least one kid that brave. So far it's not looking so good...

      Stupid spiders. I don't care if they are here, as long as I don't have to see them.

      Delete
  2. I've always been called on to be the spider killer in the house. I don't really mind them, but the jumpy ones still make me a bit nervous.

    You did verify that the spider was actually dead in the vacuum and not just making it his new home right?

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    Replies
    1. I don't like it when they're fast ones.

      It better be...seriously. That vacuum is about to sit outside until my husband can clean it out now.

      Delete
  3. Oh good lord. The terror. Thank goodness for my fearless, furry spider killer. Bubba earns his rent, yo.

    My sophomore year in college Axe gave out sample cans of body spray at orientation to new frosh. Those boys instead used these cans and lighters to create flamethrowers to get rid of spiders. (not the safest choice in a dorm full of people, but effective)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet those flamethrowers smelled fantastic =). My husband does that in the garage with WD-40. One of these days there won't be a garage...

      Delete
  4. Haha! I love the ripping off the diaper story...it reminds me of my little brothers when they were little. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm purchasing duct tape just for this. And rubber gloves. =)

      Delete
    2. Duct tape is a great idea. You can even get fancy and buy the fun printed ones. I have zebra striped duct tape.

      Delete
  5. When my kids were smaller, they informed me of a spider on the wall. Being as I'm not afraid of them and I'm lazy, I told them it was my pet and he was fine by himself. I don't know whatever became of that pet but to this day, when the kids see a spider in the house, they still ask me if it's a pet. It's funny how they remember the dumbest things but can't remember to bring important papers home from school.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's hilarious =). Kids remember everything we don't want them too. Like swear words.

      Delete
  6. The cartoons are cracking me up! We have this weird spider/cricket hybrid that creeps into our house. I should get a picture but I'm too busy running and screaming. Seriously freaky looking monsters. I think you were very brave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm an expert at Paint. =) I tried to get a picture but it looked like a speck on our ceiling. There was no way I was going to get closer to it...no way.

      Delete
  7. You've been nominated for a Liebster Award! Check it out at http://www.mychillthoughts.com/2013/04/recognition-rules-and-random-facts.html

    Congratulations!

    -Cristyl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Holy buckets! I'm so excited! Thank =)

      Delete
  8. Declan is a cool name. Props to you!

    I hate hate hate spiders too. Eep!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I should have named him trouble...would have been more appropriate.

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Agreed! They better stay away from me this year. I'm armed and dangerous.

      Delete
  10. Ow I hate it when you bite the inside of your mouth, it feels weird for days....spiders are my big fear, I can't even get rid of them, I can chuck things at the, like cushions and wait for hubby or get a neighbour to sort it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I bit off half a cheek on the inside. And I used to hide spiders under bowls or buckets and just hoped they were still there when my husband came home. I hate them. =)

      Delete
  11. Eeeeeeeek! So creepy!
    But super duper kudos to you for your victory!

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  12. Bwahahaha! Perfect spider extermination technique!

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  13. This post was hilarious! You literally had me laughing out loud, I even snorted and my boyfriend asked me what was so funny.

    Crayons in the diaper... my youngest somehow manages to stash food.

    Have fun with a-z. Thanks for the giggle.

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOL @ crayons in the nappy!! It's the little surprises that let you know you're still alive...

    Good work on spider extermination, I'd have done exactly the same!

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  15. Hahaha Ohhh, the spider ... you sound like me!! Thanks for stopping by my blog :) I loved this post!

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  16. I'm one of those people you hate - I happen to like spiders! My ex partner was the one who hated them, 6ft 3ins and built like a mountain and he would be a quivering wreck at the sight of one leaving me, a less than 5ft midget, to deal with it.

    Great blog by the way, looking forward to reading more tomorrow

    ReplyDelete

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