Friday, April 5, 2013


Today- E is for Encouragement.

I've written about similar topics before.

Things regarding "Mompetition" and "Super Moms".

One of the hardest jobs I ever signed up for was becoming a Mother. Nothing out there has ever challenged me as much or stressed me out quite as much.

I LOVE being a Mom. While it is the hardest job ever, it's also the most rewarding.

Lately, if you've been on Facebook or the Internet it's all about parents attacking parents over how children should be raised, what other parents are doing wrong, what they are doing that's right and how you should be following their example.

Shoot, I've even seen advice posted on how to raise kids from people who aren't even parents yet.

What struggles do I face as a parent?

Some days, more than I would like to admit, because I feel that I would no longer be a "good" mother according to others. And I know, in my head, that it really shouldn't matter what people think of me or what others feel I'm doing wrong. But, for some reason, it does and I don't often post much about my family and what we struggle with.

My oldest (6 year old), Evan, is a great child. Loving, caring with his siblings and very smart. But he tests me daily with his sarcastic remarks and snarky attitude, as I'm sure most 6 year olds do. I would like to say that I'm rational and calm with him, every time he smarts off to me. But, in all honesty, at the end of the day, I'm at my wits end and it takes all I have to not scream with frustration and send him off to his room.

The twins are heading out of the "terrible 2" phase and colliding head on with the "OMG, is this what 3 is going to be?" phase.

Morgan isn't too bad, compared to her brothers. But, she is stubborn. If you do something that she doesn't want to do, you may as well try to lift the house off the foundation with just your bare hands and a hammer. Toss in screaming, at a very high pitch, and you have my daughter. That's how hard it is to get her to comply with simple instructions when she's not on board with your plan.

Declan is my attention grabber and over-active one. Every time I think I've removed a hazard from our home, he finds a new one to scare me with. Everything in our home right now is either unbreakable or nailed to the wall. We found him sitting in the top drawer of his dresser the other day. He used the other drawers to climb to the top. Luckily, it's bolted to the wall, but the drawers could have fallen out. He removes poop from his diaper just because. He pushes, he hits and throws some MAJOR tantrums that could last up to a half hour. Declan is the child that makes me want to avoid public places in fear of how he acts or might act.

Somedays I wish I could have more "real" moms to talk to. The ones that tell you the truth about how hard this is, not the parents that sugar coat it or constantly judge you on what you are doing wrong and could be doing better.

I struggle with questions, like, "am I dealing with this situation properly?", "Will this idea of mine backfire?", "Am I a bad mother because my child acts this way?" "I wonder what those other Moms are doing that I'm not doing because their kid isn't running up and down aisles like one that sucked down pixie sticks full of sugar and crack?"

And I have to believe that I'm not the only Mom out there dealing with the same questions.

Unfortunately, in a world where you only see the "good" on Facebook or on Pinterest, it's almost like we are living a lie. I cannot live up to those expectations. There's no way I would make it into the "Super Mom" club.

I'm just a mom with 3 kids, and sometimes I fail. Sometimes I do lose my patience and get angry. Some days feel as if they will never end and I start to wonder if the only word I said to my kids all day was "no". There are times I do get angry and after 3 warnings, I do spank my kids on the tush. I'm pretty sure there are parents out there that would not agree with my logic. I'm OK with that. But I'm also not telling them what they need to be doing as parents.

I fail at being the mom that I pictured I would be, back before I had kids.

I swore up and down that I wouldn't spank my kids, I would breastfeed them all and I promised that I would be the best Mom in the world.

Guess what?

I failed. On all accounts.

It's seriously hard to admit that, even to myself.

There's so much guilt that comes with that admission, but I'm trying to get over that.

I may not be the best parent, but I'm doing the best I can. I may not have a child that can meet his milestones, but he's also a different child from others and he's better at other things, like climbing. My older son may smart off from time to time, but he tells me he loves me every day, so I must be doing something right.

What I'm 100% sure of, is that they are loved.

Really, really, well loved.

Those kids of mine, happen to be my favorite people on this planet.

I think that as Mom's (or Dad's I guess...although, I haven't seen as much "bickering" between men about what their kids ate that day) that should be all that matters. And we need to support and encourage each other more often. Each parent deserves that much because we are all doing our best and sometimes a simple, "Go you!" is all we need to get through another tantrum right in the middle of the grocery store. Or a "Keep trying, it's all good!" is all we need to encourage us to make healthier meals instead of taking the "easy" way out sometimes.

So the next time you see a Mom (or Dad), fighting with a toddler, looking like they are holding in a scream while running towards the wine aisle, say something nice. Something simple. Something encouraging. Keep the negative or "helpful" comments inside.

Maybe with a little more of that, we can all start admitting that there are times when we look at our child like we aren't even sure they are ours.

(I'm pretty sure the twins are mine. Evan, however, that's still up in the air. I was knocked out for his birth and Jay wasn't in the room with me for the c-section.)

This job is hard. Wearing a thick cloak of guilt over whether you are doing a good job or not, makes it harder and more stressful. Getting negative comments on top of that, is all takes to push me over the edge, and then I end up crying in the bathroom wondering how God could have ever let me be a Mom.

So, to other Moms (and Dads) out there....

Way to go!

Keep up the good work!

Awesome job!


  1. Hey Danielle- I love what you said here. It is so hard to find honesty when it comes to parenting. I can so relate to what you are saying here. I tell everyone I meet, being a parent is simply THE MOST humbling thing that can even happen to a person. And anyone who says, "not my kid" is deluded. Kids are kids. We all make mistakes. Forgiving ourselves for making them and moving on, is probably one of the hardest parts of being a parent. :)

    1. Thanks for the support! I was nervous with this post, but I decided to be brave and just put it out there.

      It is very hard and you don't realize how hard until you are in that position.

  2. You're so right. I've only been a mom for 3.5 months, but before I was even a mom I saw how "friends" were competing to be the best parent and telling others what they were doing wrong. Everyone was so opinionated and weren't afraid to voice it at the others. I just told myself that I was going to do it my way and others might not think it's the right way, but I know that they aren't doing everything perfectly either. Sometimes I do the "no-nos" [i.e. let my son nap on his tummy] but I make sure I'm watching him while he's doing it. I'm sure our parents thought the same things, and I think I've turned out ok. And I'm sure our kids will, too. Great topic. I love seeing a mom keeping it real. Thanks. =]

    1. Thanks for the support! It's shocking how many parents feel that it's their job to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I do lots of no-nos. LOTS. But my kids are doing well, so I'm pretty sure I didn't damage them for good.

  3. Facebook for the most part looks like a perfect world until you get that one person who has to vent. My kids are older now, so I'm out of that baby/toddler phase. I find it kind of odd parents are trying to be perfect. It's possible that if parents try to be too perfect they could end up with spoiled children who expect everything to be perfect. It's not good if we do too much for our children. One day they will have to face the real world.

    1. Too true. I can't wait to be out of the toddler phase, although I'm sure the advice doesn't stop, even then.

  4. I am a mom of three too, and the best thing I ever did for myself and my kids was to stop being so hard on myself and apologize. A lot.

    1. Yeah, that's the hard part. I've been trying to stop being so hard on myself and just do the best I can. Hopefully my kids will know that I did my best. =)

  5. The hardest part of being a mom for me is knowing that everything I do helps mold my girls into the women they'll become. Talk about pressure!


    Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi

    1. Crap. When you put it that way, I'm probably raising future crazy people.

  6. I can so relate to this been the second daughter to the mother of three and me being the stubbornest nd the loud one.

    And actually every mom in this planet is a super mom. Hugs. :)

    - A fellow blogger from A to Z!

  7. Danielle not that my thoughts matter or count for much, I think that on all accounts you are a great mother, trial and error is how we have to raise our children. The little darlings didnt really come with an instruction book, and if your children are anything like mine, you would most likely need 3 seperate manuals. You can not base one child off of the next. I had my first child when I was 25, not a super young mom, had a few years under my belt, about 6 years of military training and man if I had 3 kids just like her I may actually have earned the "SuperMom" award. She made parenting so easy, slept for hours on end, took to nursing like it was nothing, smiling a drooly happy smile while cutting teeth, slept till 10 in the morning, if she did wake up she would just lay in bed till I went to get her. Never got into anything she wasnt suppose to, potty trained like a champ, I mean really the best kid ever. I have come to the decision that God has an evil great sense of humor, because he gave me Hailey and then three years later came Sophia the devils spawn, and that is putting it politely, and then 3 months after I had Sophia I found out I was pregnant with devil spawn #2 my son Tristin. Yes yes God has a sense of humor, he gave me Hailey and then the other two came and man my life has been a constant challenge from there on out!

    Rest assured I yell, Im a yeller I get that from my mother which is funny cause she always tells me yelling falls on deaf ears, ha ha does she not remember raising my brothers and I??? But I yell alot, and I do spank, I never thought I would ever spank but I feel the good Lord gave my children padding on that little bum for a reason, I have never gone overboard, and yes I always feel sad and that I am a bad mother, but I know Im not the bible states your spare the rod you spoil the child!

    I go to town and I see other parents that struggle with their children and I always feel a little sorry for them, but also feel comfort to know that I am not alone, and neither are you. When ever I see another parent struggle I always give them a sympathetic smile. But I refuse to hull up in my home and not venture out, I have 3 little monkies of my own and I watch 3 others to bring in a little extra money, and I will take all 6 and go to town, sadly it is always my youngest 2 that are the worst. People look at me when I go to town like I am crazy, and I may be but I needed to go to Walmart!!!

    Danielle I read your blog all the time and alot of times it amazes me how much of your life paralles with mine sometimes. My mother reads your blog and always tells me that she feels as though she is reading about my life....LOL! I think that you are an outstanding mother, and that you should never doubt yourself, question yourself or wonder if you are doing it right! You are "SUPERMOM"!!!


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