Saturday, November 17, 2012


Every single time I say "I'm never doing this again", I do.

Obviously I don't have much of a choice when it comes to grocery shopping, so I should probably stop saying it.

Disaster follows me everywhere.

In fact, I may be the reigning queen of disaster.

I should have little disaster minions following me around.

Oh, wait. That would probably be my kids.

I knew today was going to be an interesting day at the grocery store.

It's the weekend before a huge, foodie holiday, it's double coupon day and it's a Saturday.

But I needed to go, planned ahead and even had my Mom save the day by watching 2 of my 3 kids. I brought the easy one with me to the store.

I had caffeine already, a planned out list with coupons attached and tons of time...all the makings of a wonderful trip.


The grocery store was packed. As expected, so this didn't come as a shock. Just makes things a little more interesting. It's like Hunger Games, except add ham and rolls that are on sale. And remove the delicious men and toss in a full butt crack that I saw attached to a very hairy man. I will never be able to erase that image from my brain. I would like to donate a belt and some underwear to that cause, just so no one else has to have their eyeballs burned from their skull.

Surprisingly, I actually found everything I needed. Plus some.

So much SOME that I couldn't fit anymore inside the cart. At all. It was to the point where things fell out if I made a turn too sharp.

In fact, I had so much inside my cart, people felt the need to comment on how full it was.

3 times.

Thank you for your outside, completely welcome and honest observations. Without them, I wouldn't have figured out that I had a ton of food, that I must have a large family to feed, and that my daughter wouldn't have anywhere to sit soon.

I just laughed and then rolled my eyes and tried to find more room to cram that last item I needed in the cart. In my mind, I was shooting lasers at them with my eyes. Wish I had that superpower. Or the superpower that could give other people the cart with the annoying, wobbly wheel. Point one finger and BOOM, good luck steering that crap.

After checking out, I had to get all my food to the car. I barely fit all this food back inside the cart. I had to cram a few plastic bags, full of cans, underneath the cart since I was out of room. Who ever invented the bottom of the shopping cart, seriously needs to reevaluate this huge fail. The bottom is useless! No grabber to catch anything and it is at a downward slant. So you can clearly see that this was the best idea I've ever had to store my extra bags of food down there.

The parking lot at my grocery store, slopes slightly, almost as if your going downhill to your car. I parked so far away, I was in the last parking space in my row. While walking the 25 miles to my vehicle, my bags had slowly made their way down on the tip of the bottom, one fell off the end.

As I stopped to pick up my fallen bag, in the busiest parking lot in the upper midwest, it ripped open, spilling cans of cranberries and green beans all over. I couldn't ditch my cart, because it started to roll downhill (and I had a sweet little 2 year old sitting inside, laughing at me fetching food off the street...on second thought, maybe I should have ditched her), but I didn't want to lose the food I just spent a fortune/hours on shopping for.

So I had to take my cart around with me and fetch all my spilled food. I decided to carry the rest of the bags that were on the bottom, while pushing the cart. This wasn't difficult at all.

More comments on quantity of food happened and comments on how this would all fit inside my vehicle. Like stuffing 20 clowns inside a car built for 2.

Thanks in part to my master skills in solving puzzles and also for soft, squishy foods, I managed to squeeze it all in there. I should get paid for this.

I hate when your driving with a back seat full of food and you can hear it all shifting around, falling and crashing in the back. No matter how gently you drive and take those turns, this still happens. After that, you get home, open the back door and everything comes tumbling out. Including the precious milk you got for free thanks to an awesome coupon. (The milk is fine, thankfully.)

I keep saying that I'll never go back...but I know I'll eventually get hungry. I always do.

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