Friday, April 20, 2012

My New (and already Doomed) Fitness Plan

Yes, I know...don't get all negative right off the bat by saying "doomed", right?

I started out with my gym membership and would wake up every morning at 4:45 a.m., the buttcrack of dawn (I call it the buttcrack because it's dark, scary, and no one actually wants to see it). Barely awake and practically sobbing, I would drive to the gym and hop on the treadmill (repeatedly fly off: see previous post) then go home.

It became quite difficult to wake up at this horrible hour and even more difficult to stay awake and present for the rest of my day. Not terrible if I had been able to crawl back into bed and sleep for a few hours, but my kids were awake the second I stepped out of the shower (darn early risers, just wait until you get older, I will be getting even!).

I then decided to try using my Wii Zumba. I like dancing, why not in the safety of my own home where no one can see my flailing limbs and lose an eye by being next to me. I have to do it when all the kids are awake and we have turned it into "Fun Dance hour with Mommy". Here's where the "doomed" part comes into play. My first hour on the first day went something like this:

DAY 1:
11:00 a.m.-start up video game, kids start squealing in anticipation. Takes 2 minutes to clear living room of toy clutter (or landmines that when stepped on cause instant pain. I hate Lego's for this very reason), only to have them think this is a new game and shove it under my feet again.

11:05- Music starts and so do my hips. Morgan finds this funny and decides she will spend the next few minutes slamming her head against my hips and bouncing off of them. Declan is in front of the TV, spinning in circles and Evan is right next to me, trying to follow the skinny, hip, dancer girl on the screen. (Neither one of us is very good at that part. I blame the stupid, skinny, dancer girl.)

11:10- Morgan is on the floor crying because she bounced off my butt too hard and landed on hers. This girl totally takes after me in that aspect, we do NOT land well! Declan is on the floor, trying not to puke after spinning in circles for too long. Evan says "What is that girl trying to do Mommy and why are her legs moving so fast?" I don't know, but I might try to kill her.

11:15- I may finally be working enough to sweat a little (it really does not take much) and Morgan has decided to start throwing small toys at me (dodging these may be what's getting me to sweat). Evan found a new game of "put a bucket on Declans head and watch him run into walls" and I have to stop the game to control this situation before it gets out of hand.

11:16- It's out of hand. Declan slams into a wall and is on the floor crying with a bucket covering his face (at least he had protection on), Evan runs to his room because he knows it was his fault and he will be in trouble.

11:20- Everyone is calm and quiet, I resume the dance routine again. As my legs form somewhat of a bridge, the twins decide to crawl around and through them, tripping me up and making me land on the floor. After making sure we are all OK, I decide to hand over the remote to Evan and let him take over so I can calm the twins down.

11:22- I start to realise that these "dance moves" are not meant for 5 year old boys and wonder if I should turn it off or tape this and put it on Facebook.

11:23- My decision is made for me when Declan shoves Evan to the floor (yes, my 2 year old CAN push my 5 year old like he's a pillow), Morgan starts screaming because the other two are screaming, and I have to turn the whole thing off because my head just started pounding in time with the Zumba beat.

Yeah. Like I said before...doomed.

I think I'll just keep the extra few pounds. It sounds like losing them might mean losing my sanity.

Not a 100% sure it's worth least not yet.

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