Friday, April 27, 2012

And the White Trash Award goes to....

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Yup. That's right. It's me.

Here are some of the reasons I am the clear winner of this high achievement:

1. Took kids to play in backyard today. Decided against actual play clothes but kept them in jammies. Why did I do this? Because I'm lazy and they would just get them dirty anyway...what's the point? Plus, my backyard is fenced in and most people have jobs around us. I had them in jackets, I doubt anyone could even tell. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

2. How many toys do you need to have on your roof? I have 2, plus 1 on a neighboring roof. Do NOT call us to play Frisbee at your home...unless you really HATE your Frisbee's and want them to die.

3. My kids use a dirt pit for a sandbox. My husband is, for some reason, against this idea (I guess he likes grass, but our kids prefer dirt, so dirt wins). I encourage the dirt pit, because anything that keeps them quiet and out of trouble for more than 5 minutes at a time is alright by me.

4. I have towels for window coverings in our Master Bedroom. It pains me to admit this (the white trash is strong in this one) but when we moved here the ones that were there HAD to go. (I can only take so much from 1950. "Retro" is one thing, dilapidated and bug infested is another.) I put up what I had available, which was a towel, because I thought this would be temporary. 2 years later, and I'm still looking at those same faded towels.

5. My kids have runny noses. My daughter eats dirt. Dirt + runny nose = a disgusting mess that doesn't come off easily (but looks awesome if she wanted the facial hair look). Morgan finished her day with a Chin Curtain. (I looked this up on Wikipedia and this was the closest I could find to what she had going on. Plus, the term makes me giggle because it's sounds much more gross than it is. And I'm a nerd.)

6. I went outside in jeans, an old t-shirt that I covered with a stained sweater that my husband left on the floor and no socks with my shoes. My hair is the same hair I crawled out of bed with (but tossed up in a super stylish rubber band) and is such a hot, curly, fuzzy mess right now, I'm scared it would probably eat a brush. But, still I decide to play outside, thinking I'll just be in the backyard with the kids...right?

7. Wrong. I decide that it would be fun to take a walk around the neighborhood. Not even thinking about what the kids look like or taking my own appearance into account. (If Stacy and Clinton, from What Not to Wear, caught me looking like this, there's no way they would let me live. No hope for this one.) Why does everyone have to be outside during this walk of mine. I received so many horrified looks, I couldn't even begin to count. I'm pretty sure child protection services will show up sometime today. Looking at my creepy Man-Child with some delightful facial hair that would make her daddy proud, Declan with boogers sliding down his face and Evan (for once, he's the normal one.)

I gladly accept this award and hopefully, one day soon, get to pass it one to someone much more deserving. I'm going to guess that it's staying here for awhile. Not a whole lot of hope here. In fact, at the rate we're going, I may get to keep it forever! Go me!

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