How to NOT clean poop off your wall.

Ah...life with kids is great. Until you discover the crusty brown substance that's hiding on one of your walls and you have to somehow remove it without ruining your expert painting and tossing up whatever you ate for lunch.

It was a serious challenge. And, sadly, this isn't the first time I've had to do this.

My wall did not survive, but my lunch did!

Declan has the desire to poop in "privacy" (which means he hides against a wall or behind a couch). I can't say I have had a huge issue with this, until now. He decided yesterday to sit against the wall, poop and then walk around. I noticed a little later that he had poop on his back and all over his clothes. I started checking the house and family, wondering what/who he was against and found nothing.

Later that evening, I discovered the reason poop was smeared up his back. Bleh...my poor wall. (I almost took a picture, but since it made me gag, I decided against making others sick for my amusement.)

So, here's some advice on what NOT to do, if you are ever in my position. If you have never been in this position, you are so lucky. Do a quick happy dance, hug your kids for being awesome and revel in your clean, non-poop smeared, home.

1. Do NOT use a spray cleaner. The poop was encrusted on my wall, I didn't know what else to "loosen" it up with, so I sprayed it with some Mr. Clean. It smelled strongly and I really needed something to cover the poop smell as it softened up. Trying to keep my lunch inside, remember? (By the way, this did nothing but remove wall paint. Poop was still glued to the wall. There was no "softening" going on.)

2. Do NOT use your fingernails to scrape poop off the wall, even if there was a protective cloth barrier between your nails and the poop. The poop stayed where it was, but my paint relocated itself to my towel. (There are so many reasons why this was a bad idea...after chipping off 3 nails and cleaning some poop off them, I had another brilliant idea. See #3)

3. Do NOT try to scrub it off using someones toothbrush. My wall, instead of a nice brown color, has yellow blotches where I was scrubbing, which you can clearly see when looking at it.

BUT the poop is gone now...but so are my nails, some paint off my wall and someones toothbrush. (I did NOT put the toothbrush back. Just in case you were thinking I would do something that cruel and disgusting. I threw up just a bit thinking about someone brushing their teeth after...bleh.)

Poop is so much easier to clean off the wall when it's soft and can be just wiped off. I'm really hoping that I never have to do that again. I'm pretty sure I said that the last time this happened. But maybe this time I'll get lucky?! (Not sure if you've noticed but luck isn't something I have often.)

Although, while I'm at it, I should probably just plastic wrap my entire house and furniture, just in case.