Crazy Conversations with a 5-year old

Conversations with my son Evan are always interesting.

Lately he's been heading into a more sarcastic phase, which is annoying for the most part, but awesome when it's not directed towards me. Here are some of our latest conversations that I've saved just for your enjoyment:

Christmas Fun:

Evan was part of the Nativity in our Church. His goal was to be an animal.
He runs up to me wearing a white sweatsuit and white, fuzzy animal ears.
Evan: "Mommy! Look! They made me a sheep!"
Me: "You are so cute!"
Evan: "I know. I have woolly clothes and I put on my antenna."

Holiday Blues:

Evan: "You better help me clean up Mommy."
Me: "Why should I help you clean up your mess?"
Evan: "Because, if you don't I won't make you a card for the holidays."
Me: "Dude, the holidays are over."
Evan: "What's in January then?"
Me: "Nothing..."
Evan: "So we just sit here then?"
Me: "Pretty much."
Evan: "I hate January."
Me: "Me too."

Crappy Dinners: Morgan has a tendency to enjoy spicy foods, like red hot jalapenos right off the vine. We think she burned off her taste buds which now allows her to consume very, very hot, spicy wings now. It's funny to watch every one else suffer and sweat while she chows down like it's nothing. We joke around often about her burned off taste buds because she also eats the most disgusting foods without issue. Like bananas dipped in ketchup.

Evan: "Mommy, this chicken is a little spicy."
Me: "I know. It's yummy though. Look, Morgan likes it."
Evan: "Morgan likes spicy because she doesn't have any taste. I wish I didn't have any taste for eating some dinners."

Statements that end up biting me in the butt:

Often, when we have to park far away from the store, Evan whines about the distance he has to walk. I usually say, "God gave us legs so we're going to use them."

Me: "Hey Evan, could you please grab me some tissue for my nose?"
Evan: "Mommy, God gave you legs too."

When Evan is at school, he tends to get in to trouble for talking to much so I tell him to put his listening ears on and pay attention so he doesn't miss anything important.

Me: "Did you have fun at the gym daycare when I was running?"
Evan: "Yeah, except there was a baby there and he was trouble."
Me: "Were you nice to him? You were a baby once you know."
Evan: "I know. I was nice. I'm big now. Bigger than Morgan and Declan."
Me: "You will always be bigger than Morgan and Declan."
Evan: "I'll be a girl before them."
Me: "What? You won't be a girl before them."
Evan: "I didn't say GIRL Mommy! I said GROWN-UP. P, P, P. Didn't you hear me? Put your listening ears on Mommy."
Me: "Geez...my bad."
Evan: "If you turn the radio down a little you could probably hear me."

Valid point. But still...shut up.

This kid is nuts.

There was even a day that he was standing behind me, playing with my hair. I could feel him kind of digging around, as if he was searching for something he lost.

Me: "Evan, what are you doing back there?"
Evan: "Searching for the eyes that are on the back of your head. I think they're hiding."

Yes. But they're there. Trust me.

My Mom has them too.