A Piece of Advice

Today is "A piece of advice you have for others".

I have lots of advice. Like, not traveling to the middle of the desert when you know you have bathroom issues. Or, if you are going to squish a wasp, make sure you either get it good or learn to run for your life. Those things hurt.

Here are some more, I learned more recently:

1. If you are going to "fix-up" your backyard, don't share your ideas with your spouse. Just do it and hope they don't get mad. You start running all your plans by your loved one and pretty soon, it's a war. Why? Because, why not?

2. When doing your laundry, make sure to sift through it all before washing. Kids like to hide dirty diapers inside the laundry basket. Wash one diaper and that laundry will never come clean again.

3. The best way to kill a spider is with Lysol and a vacuum cleaner.

4. The best way to kill a giant centipede is to set fire to your house and just start over.

5. Sure fire way to get your kid to throw a giant fit in the middle of the store is to just say no. He will do that one scream, (the one scream you know he does on purpose just because it really, really makes you mad. It's also the one that triggers a headache and makes you consider just leaving him where he is, while you run away and pretend you have no idea who he is.) until you buckle the seat belt in the car.

6. Don't ever do this to someone else:

    I was walking Declan and Morgan in our jogging stroller to pick up Evan from school. We arrived a few minutes early and decided to play on the tiny playground that sits near the front door. While they were playing, another parent decides to let their child play with mine. Now, due to the laws of normal social customs, we are supposed to communicate. I hate this part. I get so nervous. I'm going to say something wrong...

   She starts out by asking how old my twins are. I tell her they are almost 3. She tells me her son will be attending the pre-k program next year and how they almost would be attending together. Darn. Then she asks me who I was waiting for and how old. I say, "My son Evan is in Kindergarten." She looked surprised and said, "Wow! He's so young. You must have had him and had it so nice for a little while, then this happened." When she said this, she waved at my twins like they were a disease. I just sat there in a numb silence for a few seconds just to process what she meant by that.

   Nothing good, I'm assuming, which is why I WISH my answer went like this, "I just had a set of twins purely to enjoy all the wonderful, rude comments that would come my way. I was betting you were going to ask if they were identical, but this took a different twist. Now I have something to write about. Thank you!" I didn't have an answer. Which is what happens when I'm too stunned to actually think of something sarcastic to say. I really hate it when that happens. Although, it's probably better this way as I'm sure playground brawls are still frowned upon.