Friday, February 1, 2013

It Never Fails....

1. When I'm in a hurry or late I will trip over every tiny thing in my path, step on a lego and cry angry tears, fall down a flight of stairs and rip my pants open right on my butt, spill coffee on my white shirt, lose my keys in my messy purse, drop something made of glass and run out the door without brushing my teeth or my hair.

2. ^ This is also the time I will hit every single red light in town, during "rush" hour, behind every old person in Minnesota, that just happens to believe the speed limit is too fast.

3. When I actually need my cell phone for some sort of emergency or actual purpose (other than annoying my husband or checking Facebook) it will either be dead, missing or frozen on an application, forcing a complete restart/battery removal.

4. When I go to the gym for a workout and I've been running for about 20 minutes (just at that point when you feel really good and start getting into it), that's when one of my kids will poop their pants and we will have to leave.

5. There will only be long lines, 3 open registers packed full of serious shoppers and one item that won't scan at the grocery store when you have a full cart, 2 screaming/crying children and one with really bad gas that finds it hilarious how stinky he is.

6. The day I decide to shower, do my hair, put on makeup and carefully select my clothing, is the day I will have no where to go. But the 5 minutes I run into the grocery store, at 9 p.m., with my pajamas on because I have a cold and haven't showered in 3 days is the day I will run into every boy from high school that I had a crush on.

7. The only time the UPS man will ring my doorbell with a package I need to sign for, is at 1 p.m. in the afternoon when the twins are sleeping and I'm just stepping out of the shower.

8. The weekend I forgot to go through my son's backpack to prep for the next week of school is the one weekend he brings home an entire packet of homework that requires the use of pictures, glitter, and Popsicle sticks that just happens to be due that very morning.

9. The one time my husband tells me that the guy coming over to fix our TV won't need me to do anything is the one time that the TV guy asks a million questions I don't have the answers for and needs me to find out in order for our TV to work.

10. ^ This will also be the one time I need to actually reach my husband because it's important and he will not answer his phone for 20 minutes or be able to get home by the time the guy leaves.


  1. I hopped over from the Bloggess because I laughed at your "coldasshitpleasehelpus" renaming for Minnesota.

    And what is up with the people who keep driving 10-15 miles per hour BELOW the speed limit? It's like a thing. I can't name the number of times per week I get stuck behind someone who insists on going 40 in a 55. Even in the summer. Is this just a Minnesota thing, and how can we ship them over to, say, Wisconsin?

  2. I promise it's not just a MN thing. Or just a WI thing. Or a michigan thing for that matter. But they need to be stopped. Or... sped along I suppose is more apropro.

    Sounds like you're having a bad day Danielle. But I can't say I didn't giggle at it a little bit. Hope it turns around for you!


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