Thai Chicken Lettuce Wraps

I told a few people that I would share this recipe and I'm finally going to do it.

I didn't share before, because it wasn't quite ready. I needed to adjust a few things and I'm still not 100% sure about it. But, feel free to give it a shot and adjust as you feel fit. We all modify recipes to our own liking anyway so why not just go for it.

Side Note: I do not write recipes for a living. This is the best I can do.

Thai Chicken Lettuce Wraps Recipe

 

Chicken Mixture:

 

1 rotisserie chicken, meat removed and chopped.

1 red pepper, chopped.

1 half red onion, chopped.

1 small jalapeno, finely minced.

1 Tbs olive oil.

1 clove garlic, or more to suit tastes. ( I add more, because I love garlic!)

1/4 cup soy sauce

1 Tbs peanut butter

2 heads butter lettuce, rinsed and patted dry.

 

Slaw Mixture:

4 cups of bagged coleslaw mix

1 cup cilantro, roughly chopped

1/4 cup mayo

2 Tbs rice wine vinegar

1 tsp sesame oil

1 tsp ground ginger

3 green onions, chopped

 

Heat olive oil in skillet over medium heat. Add red pepper, onion and jalapeno. Cook until slightly soft, about 5 minutes. In the meantime, mix together peanut butter and soy sauce.

 

In skillet, add garlic and chopped chicken. Cook for 1 minute, then add your peanut sauce. Cook for another few minutes, until bubbling, then remove from heat.

 

Mix together sauce for slaw mixture in a medium sized bowl. Add slaw, cilantro and green onions, then toss until coated.

 

Take about 3 leaves of butter lettuce, add chicken mixture, then cover with slaw.

Roll up and chow down.

 

Very messy and very, very delicious.

 

 

I'm such a slacker!

Sorry it's been so long!

I've never been away from my blog this long before!

I have TONS of updates for you but I'll save some for later.

We are getting our roof redone today and it's utter chaos here, as you can imagine. BUT, it's providing entertainment for the kids, so I call that a win.

 

This is happening outside my window right now.

The way my kids were acting, you would think this was hired entertainment.

They should do birthday parties...

 

Evan finished T-Ball for the season...thank goodness.

It went well, but he's not a huge sports fan, so this might be his last year.

 

 

I know these pictures don't actually look like much, but you need to look closer at them.

The beams in the picture are from my patio ceiling that I was painting one night.

It was pretty late and I was SO CLOSE to being done.

Then something black starting moving near my hand.

I screamed and bolted down that ladder as fast as I could.

 

Jalon: "Seriously? Are you going to scream over EVERY spider? Quit being so dramatic!"

Me: "That's not just ANY spider! That's one huge tarantula that belongs in the Amazon somewhere."

Jalon: "Let me see."

Me: "Go for it."

Seconds later....

Jalon: "OK! I need my flashlight for this one", as he bolts down the ladder.

Me: "HA! Told you!"

 

Jalon, after coming back armed with a flashlight and gloves, "I'm pretty sure it's not a giant spider, but a bat."

Me: "Oh. Well then...that's adorable! We should set it free!"

Jalon: "Are you nuts?! I'm not opening a hole for it to fly out and bite me."

Me: "We are not letting that bat die inside our patio! What if it's a baby?! What if it's hungry!?"

Jalon: *insert long, slightly suffering sigh here* "Fine. But you're driving me to the hospital for a rabies shot if this goes bad."

Me: "Whatever."

 

He rips open a portion of my enclosed porch and, after a few minutes, a bat comes flying out.

I screamed. It was much larger than I anticipated.

I have this all on video.

But he has the video and he's keeping it hostage.

 

Sorry.

I'm saying sorry a lot today.

Hopefully it won't be another month before I get back to this.

It's been awhile because I'm focusing more on what's going on here and writing a book.

Wish me luck!

 

A Random Update that Includes Arm Hair and Cold Feet.

1.

Evan has been bragging lately.

He tells everyone we see.

He's so darn proud and won't stop talking about it.

 

What is it?

 

His arm hair.

 

Yup.

He's super thrilled about growing long arm hair, just like his daddy.

He told me the other day that he didn't need an umbrella in the rain, because his arm hair is long enough to protect him.

 

Ick.

 

2.

The other night, my feet were frozen (as usual) so they wandered to the other side of the bed, in search of a warm spot to nest in.

My husband, less than thrilled with being the warm spot, squealed and told me to stop.

 

"Why are your feet so cold all the time?" he asked, after shooing me away.

"I have no clue. But warm them up. It's your job. Pretty sure it was in your vows." I said.

"NO! They feel like their dead."

"Trust me, feels the same here. Now warm them up." I said, pushing my feet back under his knee.

"I think you must have poor circulation or something." He told me, reluctantly allowing me give him chills with my frozen toes.

"Seriously? Why don't you just Google it or something?" I said, JOKINGLY.

But, he had his iPad handy. "It says that sometimes people put their feet over the edge of the bed and that helps with the circulation part."

"NOPE. Can't do that." I said.

"What?! Why not?"

"Duh...monsters." I told him, like he didn't already know. Who actually puts their feet over the edge of the bed? #1 rule of sleeping in a bed, is to never put any body part over the edge because monsters will come and eat it off. Am I the only normal one here?

He thought I was being ridiculous...whatever. 

The ONLY time it's acceptable to allow your foot to hang over the edge of the bed is after a night of drinking too much. You can put one foot on the floor when you lay down so the room doesn't spin. I learned that in the military. I came out of that 8 year enlistment with great advice.

 

3.

Want to know how potty training is going?

Probably not.

It's going badly.

In fact, they have been getting worse, if that's even possible.

 

Seriously.

Worse.

 

I. Can't. Do. This. Anymore.

That's it for my update.
 



A Few Ways To Make Your Husband Mad:

1.

Make the house a mess.

Not a normal mess, but the kind where people mistake it for a break-in,

THEN tell him your ditching him for the evening to go out with your Mom and sister.

Because he worked all day and I know that spending quality time, alone with his kids, in a messy house, is the best cure for a long weekend of Guard duty.

 

2.

Call him on your cell, and when he doesn't answer, leave a very scattered message on his voicemail with no actual conclusion, because you suck at leaving messages.

Then leave the house.

Now, shatter your cell phone on the ground so he can't reach you.

(Cry a little, because you realize that you hold a LOT of stuff in there and it's now gone.)

 

3.

Now tell him you shattered your phone in another scattered message.

Say it super fast and hope he can't quite hear it.

 

4.

Also, tell him that you went WAYYYY over budget while grocery shopping in a blog post your hoping he doesn't read....

 

5.

Run for your life.

It's OK, he likes the chase.

 

I better get going.

He is supposed to be home soon...

 

Hopefully, I'll be back after this.

If not, you know where to start.

My Sweet Morgan.

My daughter is so adorable, I just want to smother her....with my love. =)

 

1.

I was washing Morgan in the bath, during which she screamed "I don't WANT to be clean!" the entire time, and the bathtub was filling up with filth, soap bubbles and other crud.

She grabs the cup from me, the one that's been in the bathtub to wash kids for the past 6 years, AND pick up the "floaters", and proceeds to fill it with the filthy bathwater.

I tell her, "You better not drink that!"

Morgan, "Mommy, you need to leave. Get out of here so I can drink water."

Seriously?

I know I give you plenty to drink that's of higher quality than that.

But if you are that desperate to drink your own filth and waste,

by all means, fill it up.

Good luck to you.
I'm just going to sit here and gag...

 

2.

During our potty training time, I've been doing flashcards for the kids.

The Flashcards have great pictures on them and are pretty easy for them to understand.

Morgan, however, gets mad at me when we pass one card.

Just one.

It's a card with a wrist watch on it.

She keeps calling it a clock, which makes sense.

I'm really not that picky.

BUT, I'm trying to get her to understand, so I tell her it's a watch.

All I hear is a low, creepy growl and then she tells me, "NO! It's a CLOCK.

I'm like, "Nooooo, it's a watch."

Morgan: "Grrrr.....noooooooooooooooooooooooo. Nooooooo watcccchhhhhhh."

(Seriously, she has a creepy, low voice when she is trying to freak me out. It happens to be working.)

Now, every time we pass that card, she just starts whining.

Here, I even have proof:

Video Proof on Facebook

I really hope this link works...

3.
During these flashcard sessions,
 Morgan also has a strange way of telling me she doesn't know the answer.
If I give her a card she can't remember, she calls it a "Uniporn".
I'm going to guess that means unicorn...
I really, really, really hope it means unicorn.
 



I swore I wasn't going to do this...

I know that I said I wouldn't go into details about Potty Training.

I promised I wouldn't say anything gross or even bring it up. Anyone who's a parent, has probably already gone through this, or will go through this eventually. And if your not a parent, you probably don't really care. Understandable.

Unfortunately, this is my world right now.

Potty training has consumed every single minute of my day that the twins happen to be awake for. (They can pee/poop themselves silly while sleeping...one step at a time.)

I was excited for this moment. A little sad, of course, because it really means I will have no more babies in this house. But I'm so excited to not spend a FORTUNE on diapers anymore and not have to worry if that smell is coming from my kids rear end or if it's just the garbage.

I'm getting closer to just being responsible for having to wipe my own butt...first time in 6 years! Everyone else will be on their own, skid marks or not. That's what laundry detergent is for...

Potty training takes a lot of skill. Not from a child standpoint, but from a parents. You have to be on the ball every single second of the day. I haven't changed my clothes in days or brushed my teeth since Sunday. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't even resemble a human woman anymore. My house is fairly disgusting. It's not really messy, but I smell pee everywhere I go. Could be because I'm wearing most of it, but it's making spray the house obsessively with Lysol.

I'm hyper alert to every movement they make, watching for those "signs" that indicate pee/poo is about to arrive and stain the underwear they are currently wearing, then try to make a mad dash to the bathroom before the bomb that is their bladder goes off. I hardly ever make it...

If I don't receive any signs, we just go by our schedule. Every 15 minutes we go sit on the potty for 10 minutes. All. Day. Long. So you can imagine that I have to get pretty creative in order for this to happen. Just getting them to get into the bathroom is taking some skill. I thought that receiving a sucker for every successful moment was reward enough, but NOOOOOO. They need to be enticed just to sit there.

Right now, my bathroom has 2 potty chairs, (one of which, Declan is apparently too good to use. He decided that the big boy potty was the way to go. Which would be wonderful, IF Morgan didn't have her potty chair directly across from the toilet. He is not that great with his aim, just yet, and has a tendency to douse her like she's on fire), a stack of books to read, a stack of coloring books with a few crayons, stickers, a bucket of cars, a bucket of dinosaurs and lots and lots of bubbles.

There's been a lot of good moments. Things are improving. Not as fast as I would like them to, of course, but I don't think I really have a choice in the matter.

I have to do laundry every day now. At night, I load it up with whatever is dirty, toss in the pile of gross undies and wash/dry that load so we have underwear for the next day. Sounds crazy huh? I wouldn't have enough underwear if I didn't do this. I cleaned 20 pairs yesterday and that's not counting the 3 pairs that I threw away because of poop. (Yeah...I know. But seriously, there just comes a point in your life when you have to make a choice between cleaning a filthy, disgusting pair of underwear after a LONG day of potty training failures, or just toss that crap out and hope for better the next day. My sanity won.)

You know what else I thought was brilliant (now, looking back, knowing how really, absolutely, stupid or desperate I was)? I bought these tiny recorders, that I found in the Target party section, as a "prize" when you get 3 good pee-pee's in a row. Just brilliant. Great incentive. The trick worked and the twins actually did it. Really early in the morning too. Now I have to listen to my own miniature, psychotic sounding marching band for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening until they go to bed and I can destroy all evidence of the ear-piercing recorders existence.

If you don't hear from me for awhile, just know that I'm slowly going crazy. I've been locked in a bathroom with a set of twins for just 3 days now and I'm not 100% sure I'm going to make it out. I just have my nook and some Prozac to keep me company.

Send help immediately.

Be Careful, That Parade May Send You To The Dentist

I love parades.

Well, I used to love parades.

Before they took almost 2 hours and tossed more candy than we can eat in a month.

(Ok, well, more candy than I can eat in a month. My husband, however, is completely thrilled to have this giant bag of candy in our home because I've been working on clearing our house of all the junk. And on that note, I just finished eating about a dozen Tootsie Rolls. Those delicious, tiny logs of squishy, warm*, chocolate just happen to be my favorite. If they hadn't thrown those, I would have had the strength to toss the whole wretched thing into the dumpster. Since the Tootsie Rolls were in there, my saliva glands went into overdrive and my better judgment was chucked away for some over-processed plastic that may or may not even have actual food product in it.

Totally worth it.

My pants may not agree with that statement tomorrow. 

*You may be wondering why I said warm there. Maybe you don't know this, but if you squish a Tootsie Roll long enough or keep it in your pocket, it becomes soft and malleable. That's when they taste the best. This might be just my opinion, but give it a shot. You might find out you enjoy pocket candy as much as I do.)

My city has a festival every year and the parade is usually the only part I attend. Why? Because the rest of it is pretty lame. I do like some of the events and the games, unfortunately, it's the over-priced food that gets me every time. We bought 3 corn dogs, 1 walking taco, 1 plate of nachos and played 3 games. $45 later, we decided it was time to head home.

Yes. $45 later. I could have purchased SO MANY BOOKS for that. We did come home with a teddy bear my son won...so there's that. So, $45 for a teddy bear and bowel issues from eating crappy fair food. Sweet.

Our parade is almost exactly the same from year to year. There are a few new additions that have extended the length of this amazing event, such as the multitudes of crowned royalty from every single pageant that takes place within a 100 mile radius and the oh-so-serious marching bands from the local high schools, trying to march in a straight line and play their instruments with sweat streaming in their eyes with the 100% humidity that is torturing our state right now.

The grand parade starts out with every fire truck that we have in our city. They line up, all clean and fresh from being recently washed, turn on the sirens and blast them until your ears bleed and dogs howl.

My kids usually scream and cry during this portion. Which is why I go. My plan is to use threats like this in the future: "Do you want me to call the fire trucks? I'll have them come here and blast those sirens until you all get along!"

(Just kidding! Kind of...my threats are cleaning related. Or I tell them I'm going to make something nasty for dinner, like tater-tot hot dish. Just that threat alone can have my kids in tears, making promises to be best friends forever. Nothing can band my children together quicker than having a common enemy. Me. And their combined hatred of my home cooked casseroles.)

We were also nervous about how well Declan would sit still for an entire parade, so we went there armed with some snacks, juice and electronic entertainment. We didn't need any of it.

Once those fire trucks starting crawling down the parade route, my kids sat entranced. Sure, they plugged their ears and checked to make sure no one else was crying, but never have they sat still or behaved so well, for so long.

I'm guessing it had little to do with the actual parade gaiety. I want to thank all the people that threw gigantic handfuls of candy at my children as to keep them gainfully employed for the entire 2 hours. Not only did my kids understand that smiling and waving was the way to achieve those fistfuls of sugary joy, but they fully comprehended that this was a battle against other parade viewers.

The second you heard the scattering sound of Tootsie Rolls and assorted suckers, my kids were out there like vultures attacking their prey. I've never seen them work so hard together. My oldest son, using his built-in military background, used tactics that can only be seen on battlefields during war time. He told which kid to go where, and when. He instructed them on when it was time to look calm and cute (using Morgan as our "adorable" factor- she had to be on the ball at all times, smiling and waving like it was pageant time and the judges were watching her)  and he made sure that everyone had an area that was considered "theirs".

Morgan was a little fighter. I'm pretty sure she would make a great pickpocket, had I a need for one. She looks so sweet and innocent, you would never guess she was out there, plotting to steal that candy straight out from under your feet, while you're hunting for pieces further away (that actually happen to be wrappers she placed as decoys to distract you).

Declan wasn't the greatest help. He had a leash that kept him from reaching the "good" stuff and he kept eating whatever did happen to make it into his 5 foot radius, ripping the wrapper off and shoving whatever it was in his mouth before I could even blink. Declan ate 5 suckers before we eventually cut him off for good. Once you start shaking from too much sugar, I'm afraid that's probably enough for you. Even his eyeballs were vibrating and there was blue raspberry drool making its way down his chin.

Here are some pictures of our awesome Saturday:

 

Before the parade started.

They look so sweet and charming.

Kids nearby, be warned:

My kids will stalk and hunt you down for a Laffy Taffy.

They haven't had sugar in the house for a month now and they are desperate.

 

The first vehicles are coming!

 

So loud!

Evan and Declan just plugged their ears.

Morgan just whined on my lap the whole time.

Until she noticed there was candy being tossed...

then she got over it.

 

Plugging one ear so he can wave with the other hand.

"I can't handle it! It's too loud...please toss suckers at my head?"

 

This is a picture of the military precision I was talking about.

There were kids on one side of us and their parents were calling out orders like drill sergeants.

I was scared, but my kids held their own.

I didn't raise no wimps.

 

The "loot".

My husband was thrilled to have all this candy in the house.

Along with the candy stash (that I slightly obsessively organized into categories before photographing), we even received tattoos, erasers, post-its, seeds to plant, whistles (right into the trash with you), necklaces, chap stick, a deck of cards and 3 chip clips.

 

(Woo-hoo on the chip clips! I think we fought parents for those. We all know what it's like to not be able to seal that chip bag properly and every parent was out there with their kids attempting to look discrete but trying to get their kids to pick them up. Chip clips didn't look like candy, so most kids wouldn't touch them. I scored 3 of those babies! My kids were like, "Can we eat them? What are they for and why did I waste all that effort grabbing something so stupid?" OK, they didn't say that, but I can read their minds.)

 

 

Seriously though. When did parades start throwing so much junk? We have enough candy here to last us until October. (Make that August...I forgot my husband could find the stash.) I came for the fun, not for the stomach aches and dental visits. But thanks anyway...although, I'm keeping the Tootsie Rolls.