Make the house a mess.
Not a normal mess, but the kind where people mistake it for a break-in,
THEN tell him your ditching him for the evening to go out with your Mom and sister.
Because he worked all day and I know that spending quality time, alone with his kids, in a messy house, is the best cure for a long weekend of Guard duty.
Call him on your cell, and when he doesn't answer, leave a very scattered message on his voicemail with no actual conclusion, because you suck at leaving messages.
Then leave the house.
Now, shatter your cell phone on the ground so he can't reach you.
(Cry a little, because you realize that you hold a LOT of stuff in there and it's now gone.)
Now tell him you shattered your phone in another scattered message.
Say it super fast and hope he can't quite hear it.
Also, tell him that you went WAYYYY over budget while grocery shopping in a blog post your hoping he doesn't read....
Run for your life.
It's OK, he likes the chase.
I better get going.
He is supposed to be home soon...
Hopefully, I'll be back after this.
If not, you know where to start.