Slacking off...again.

I know, it's been awhile since I've been able to get on here and update our life.

I wish I could say that it's been super exciting and I just haven't had time to write due to all the life I'm living. But it's mostly because of laundry, crafting and super annoying children.

Super annoying= Declan getting into everything that he can possibly reach. EVERYTHING. I know I'm guilty of leaving electronic devices on our mantle, while I'm tiding up or watching TV, so it's my fault when he snatches it and texts everyone I know.

Today, he did something naughty and I'm pretty sure it wasn't my fault.

This is a tiny bit of Cadbury Egg that I found.

I bought 2 for Jay last night, just because I know he likes them.

He decided to eat one and save the other.

I didn't realize that the other was saved in a location Declan would be able to find.

Until I came up from doing laundry and saw tiny bits of wrapper all over.

Both twins were sticky and gross.

Cadbury Egg goop was everywhere.

Bleh.

Pretty sure I'm not to blame for sticky fingers on our couch.

 

I know, I'm to blame for the pink smoothie that spilled on the carpet or the coffee mug he dumped over on the couch.

 

BUT you can't blame me for this one.

I guess you could blame me for not watching him, hence allowing him to get into trouble.

Someone has to do laundry around here at some point.

 

I've been crafting like crazy so I have lots to put into an Etsy store in March.

I have yards and yards and yards of fur.

Yards.

Of.

Fur.

So I created a pattern to make a cute, fuzzy monster.

Who doesn't like cute, fuzzy monsters?

My kids.

But they LOVED the samples I made that ended up looking like potatoes with eyes.

I know I already posted a pic of #1 and #2 but I wanted a full update, so here it is again.

Just because I know you care.

Pretty basic.

Trying to attempt a body style that works.

This is the 3rd.

The second was adding legs and arms to body style #1 but I realized it wouldn't sit right without a butt.

So #3 has a butt.

And teeth, claws and spikes up his back.

Morgan is in love with #3.

This is the actual item that will go into the shop.

The kids are a little freaked out from him.

His eyes are a little spooky.

But I think his smile makes him happy rather than scary.

Hopefully.

My husband probably deserves a medal...or at least a hug.

I know I've done posts about him before.

But we're married and tend to see quite a bit of each other, which makes him a rather large part of my life.

Not only does he do the "usual" husband-type things, such as:

   1. He knows the words, "You know what sounds good right now?" will result in him running somewhere to retrieve something edible, usually for me.
  
   2. He also knows the words, "Who's making dinner tonight?" will also result in him running somewhere to retrieve something edible for the family.

   3. And he understands the words, "We need to talk" or "I need some help", usually don't have the best consequences and to proceed with caution.

I've been having a rough month. Blogging is becoming harder, because I'm not sure if I should be spending so much time writing on here, or more writing what I REALLY want to be writing.

I also have so much crafting to do because I'm going to open an Etsy store for a few months in an attempt to get rid of as many crafts as I can.

What do I plan on selling?

Signs I made, Monster stuffies, bracelets (similar to the one I posted a few days ago) and some other small items I have made and just end up hanging out around my house.

Once the "shop" is up and stuff is completed, I will post lots of info here and on Facebook. I really need this stuff to disappear. For my sanity and my husbands.

I have too much stuff and I need to finally do something about it.

I'm going to take a month to finish all my crafting and then I'm going to spend more time writing what I REALLY want to be writing.

And my husband, who may not understand or see why this stuff is so important to me, has been very supportive. He doesn't understand why I get stressed out over the lack of time in a day. Or why I can't figure out a part of my writing when it doesn't make sense but makes me crazy. He doesn't understand how I can get so SUCKED in to a story that it takes over my mind and I can't see anything else until I figure it out. Or when I get stuck on a pattern I'm making and have to create it over and over again until it's just right.

He may not understand, but he still sticks by me and offers his support.

He doesn't call me stupid. He doesn't put me down for wasting my time on something that may or may not go anywhere.

He just gives me a hug and tries to say something that resembles support.

My poor husband is not the best when it comes to saying something supportive, but he tries and that's all that really matters.

He's my hero and I'm not sure where I would be without him.

Now, I need to get off the Internet and focus on finishing my projects. My goal for Etsy is March 1st and I have a LOT to finish before then. And of course, now that I've set this giant goal for myself, along with a to-do list that takes up the living room, I'm coming down with some sort of cold. Way to go me.

Wish me luck because I'm going to need all the help I can get.

A Recipe, Stuffed Poop and Flirting. Not all mixed together...

I have a few things for this post. I'm just going to dive right in:

1.

This was supposed to be recipe week on my blog.

But Pinterest recipes suck.

Not all of them.

I've had one work out out of a dozen that I've tried.

Not the best odds.

Not worth it anymore.

Last night I was fed up with all of it and made some comfort food.

I like the base of this recipe from the Pioneer Woman.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/08/simple-sesame-noodles/

It's delicious and super easy to whip up.

But here's what I did different:

 

I made the sauce the same except I added some Teriyaki sauce.

My husband likes it.

That's probably the only reason I put it on there.

I didn't really taste a difference.

Sesame oil is really strong but really delicious.

The two dishes on the side are green onions and chopped cilantro.

Cilantro is the BEST addition to this dish.

Do not go without it.

Unless you hate it for some reason.

Then we can no longer be friends.

I cooked Broccoli, carrots and green pepper in some sesame oil.

I really wanted red pepper.

But I used it the other night some some taco things that were disgusting.

Stupid Pinterest recipes.

In the same pan I did the veggies, I tossed some chicken in with some more teriyaki sauce.

I did pre-cook the chicken in the oven for a little, so it wouldn't take me as long here.

Can you hear it sizzling?

Makes my stomach growl and it's 9 a.m.

I magically cooked some thin spaghetti and now I'm trying to pour it in while taking a picture.

I did spill some because I'm a hot mess.

Pour the hot noodles into the sauce using a broken strainer and stir it up.

The broken strainer is the key to making your pasta delicious.

It's a good thing I'm here to help you out.

Dump on the rest of your ingredients.

Yum! It smells sooooooo good!

Look back at your kitchen and cry a little.

I JUST did the dishes!

WHO MADE THIS MESS?

Oh...my bad.

Turn up your music a little louder and hope that helps everything go away.

Sorry...I'm getting distracted.

Ta-DAH!

Looks good, doesn't it?

Oh ya..you betcha!

It was delicious!

Even the kids ate some of it.

And I have lots of leftovers for today's lunch.

Assuming my husband didn't take it all with him...

I would cry.

Try this recipe! I promise you won't regret it.

 

2.

I'm making stuffies again, because I have a butt-load of fur.

If you don't know what a "stuffie" is, I'm pretty sure you're face is full of confusion right now.

I took a picture so you won't be confused anymore.

Also, butt-load = full tote.

 

I've decided to create my own pattern.

Sounds super easy, right?

I mean, you can do whatever you want.

How hard can that be?

Turns out...it's harder than it looks.

This is what I've created so far:

 

My husband told me that it looks like I'm making poop with eyes.

I prefer "potato".

I'm using brown fleece I had leftover from some unknown project years ago.

I made the simple one first and glued on some eyeballs just for fun.

Now the kids are fighting over them.

Seriously?

I have $800 worth of "real" stuffed animals in this house and your fighting over poop with eyes?

And now I feel bad with the one that has JUST eyes...he looks so left out without arms and legs.

 

I better get to it.

Lots to do...obviously.

 

3.

 

My husband and I text each other for fun sometimes.

Lately I've been "flirting" over text just for giggles.

 

After one of my "flirty" texts, he wrote back:

"We're married, I think we're past the flirting stage:

 

I wrote, "That's just sad. Then since we already have kids, I guess we're past the sex phase too."

 

He came back with, "Ok, you have a point."

 

I'm trying to bring some of our old romance back into our relationship.

It's more fun when you do what they don't expect.

He's not fully on board with my plan yet.

Mostly because it's going to take effort and we have too much other stuff going on.

But I'm finding that funny pickup lines are the way to go!

 

 

Only my husband would see the love in this.

Bringing back the flirty fun in our relationship is going to be a blast!

At least for me.

He's so lucky to be married to me.

So lucky.

 

 



Want to disappoint your family with gross recipes? Click here!

I invited my family over to my house for a Potluck style dinner on Saturday night.

Except, each person was to attempt a new recipe so I could blog about it here.

Worst idea ever. Or maybe we just make bad food choices.

Either way, the night ended with us being very hungry and there were a few cranky kids that I had to stuff full with Swiss Cake Rolls to make the night better again.

I will include links, in case your stupid and haven't learned anything from this post at all...but hey, what do I know? Maybe you like to eat dinner that tastes like we made it with our feet. I'm not here to judge.

OK. Honestly, not all of it was BAD. It was edible. Some of it even tasted good. But some of it should be removed from the Internet forever to save the rest of the world from having to taste this.

I'm going to start with my sister's recipe.
http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/352/Aunt_Annies_Soft_Pretzels13849.shtml
Aunt Annie's Soft Pretzels

Here's how hers turned out:

 

She said they were a pain in the ass to roll out, so I'm giving her credit for making them edible.

Even though I told her they look like poop logs.

I'm sorry I'm your sister Jessie.

 

These tasted DELICIOUS!

She brought some yummy white cheese sauce to dip them in.

Soooooo good.

 

This is one recipe we ALL recommend you give a shot.

But be prepared for the dough to give you trouble.

 

My Mom went overboard. As usual. She brought a TON of food. One recipe was for the kids and since I can't post the recipe, I'm not going to get into it too much. But they liked it. Except for Declan. That kid doesn't eat anything.

 

This is all Declan did.

Since you can't hear a picture, just imagine lots and lots of whining.

I'm sure you can see by his face that he wasn't thrilled with us.

 

One of her recipes was this:

http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Calico-Beans

Calico Beans

 

I was leary...because butter beans.

I. Hate. Butter. Beans.

I wish they would vanish.

Giant beans.

Can't be good for your bowels.

BUT, I gave it a shot.

Because I'm a good daughter and I had to be honest when writing about it.

They weren't bad tasting.

As far as beans go.

Not the best my Mom has done (she makes some yummy beans!), but these weren't bad.

 

The other recipe she made:

http://www.food.com/recipeprint.do?rid=109264

Almost White Castle Hamburgers

 

I was terrified.

I hate White Castle.

I know, now you're thinking, "She hates EVERYTHING! We can't trust her!"

Oh shuddup.

You sound like my husband.

I didn't get fluffy because I hate everything.

I tried them.

They were very "onion-y".

Not sure if that even qualifies as a word, but it's my blog, my rules.

The pickle my Mom added helped me get mine down.

Not terrible.

However, I would not make these again.

I guess if you like White Castle, these would be great.

I was not impressed.

 

Now you're probably wondering what I made that was so much better.

It wasn't.

It was worse.

 

I did "Funeral Sandwiches".

Depressing.

In name and in taste.

http://www.sundaybaker.net/2010/12/funeral-sandwiches-nothing-mournful.html

 

Ewwww....

So soggy!

I'm not sure what I did wrong, but I was disappointed.

However, my Dad and husband LOVED them.

Weird.

Pretty sure it shouldn't count since they are both garbage disposals.

I wanted these to work so badly.

Turns out the ham tastes delicious in the marinade though.

So there's that.

 

The second thing that I made was dessert.

Badly timed dessert.

Because I have skills.

 

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/holidays/mardigras/neworleansdessertrecipes/recipes/food/views/Lemon-Icebox-Pie-356829

No picture here.

Why?

Because we ate the crap out of it.

At 9:15 p.m.

I wanted to eat it around 6 p.m.

But I'm really, really, really bad at time management. Obviously.

By the way...if you make this pie, please, PLEASE make the whipped cream.

Don't think, "Hey, it's just lemon pie. Who needs whipped cream?"

Turns out, you do. Badly.

It was SO DAMN TART my lips are permanently fused together in a pucker.

I couldn't chew it.

Everyone (except my sister who loves her lemons really tart) was having slight issues chewing it.

It was as if I was sucking on a whole lemon.

Or, remember when you put something super sour in your mouth on a dare? 

It was like that, only this time, you can't take it out no matter how badly you want to.

Because it's pie and that's just gross.

I thought I was clever when I tossed in a little lemon peel into the crust to add "more flavor".

Dumbass.

 

Sorry for my cursing.

But sometimes, I'm really dumb and deserve it.

 

So Saturday night was kind of a bust.

The only thing that saved it was a round of Cards Against Humanity.

If you haven't tried it and are partially evil (with funny/evil friends that happen to have a sense of humor), download this baby.

http://cardsagainsthumanity.com/

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 





Horrid Phases Children Put You Through

If you have children, you know what I mean by the title.

If you haven't experienced this yet, you are so lucky.

Enjoy these moments of "normal" bliss. Because one day, your child is going to surprise you, catch you completely off guard and throw a stick into your bike tires.

Right now, we are experiencing a "different" side of Declan and it's wearing us out a bit.

Every night, for the past 2 1/2 years, he would go to bed with ease, fall asleep immediately and sleep through the night (for the most part).

Then, without even a memo or proper notification about the upcoming lack of sleep, he decides that he no longer wants to go to bed. Ever again.

Not without a fight.

Every night, after the last cartoon is finished, Declan starts whining. Then we put him in bed and the "no, no, no!" starts. We say our good nights, keeping our routine exactly the same as before, and shut the door.

Once the door is shut, the full out screaming starts. Declan runs to his door, pounding away, as if something is chasing him, and screams "Mama!" or "Dada!", just to see who will respond first.

The first night, he didn't start until 1 a.m. and I made the mistake of giving in and we spent the night sleeping on the living room floor. Worst idea ever. Because now he knew that he had me in his adorable little clutches. I was wrapped around his little finger. He had me sucked into believing that there was something wrong, when really, he was just fine. I think you get my point.

Mommy is the easy one to fool.

The second night, we put him in there and it started immediately. We let him have it out for a bit. Jay and I went in there to comfort and soothe every 5 minutes or so, but it lasted for 30 minutes until he finally fell asleep. He has an AMAZING set of lungs! I'm surprised the neighbors weren't coming over to check and make sure we weren't torturing our child.

The third night, last night, Declan fell asleep quicker, but woke up around 2 a.m. with another round of screaming and crying that lasted for 10 minutes.

I know, some of you are frowning on the fact that we use the "cry-it-out" technique. But honestly, it works best for our kids. To each their own.

I'm so excited for tonight. Because I will get to sit on the couch, wring my hands while my child screams his face off in his room, hoping and praying that he will just get through this phase and go to sleep.

These are the moments that teach us to appreciate the "normal" times even more. You take them for granted. We start getting comfortable in our simple routine and just when you think things couldn't get better, one of your kids decides to test you.

Before this new phase, we had a nice plan set up: once 8 p.m. rolls around, we bust out the cookies, pop on our favorite TV shows and relax....not anymore.

I know that these "phases" are short lived but I'm pretty sure they are planned just to make sure I know how good I usually have it.

It happens about every 3 months with kids. One of them decides it's time to stir the pot and change the game plan. Most times, it's just adding a sick kid to the mix. But every now and then, something like this happens and you are never prepared for when it hits. There's no plan of attack, no book to help you out, and Advil won't make it all go away.

You just make up some sort of half-assed plan and hope to God that it works out.

My husband never understands this. He's always like, "I don't know how to do some of this stuff, what do you normally do?"

"Make it up as I go along and pray super hard that it actually works and doesn't do any permanent damage that they'll hold against me when they are older."

Ta-dah! Mom secrets revealed. Don't tell. I'm going to put this in a book and sell millions of copies.

Now, it's Friday and I need to get to work on convincing my husband that the house is in shambles, I'm super-duper stressed out, and just about on the edge of going insane, so that he'll feel guilty enough to get us pizza for dinner tonight and a movie to go along with it.

I'm going to take all the pacifiers away, except for 1, pinch the twins a little and get them fighting over that 1 pacifier, so when he walks though the door and hears all the screaming, sees the mess of toys in the living room and the disaster that's my hair *POOF* instant stress!

Wish me luck.

Oh wait...who needs luck when this is really my life?

He's a lucky man.

Raising those children RIGHT!

You know you're raising your children correctly when you hear something similar to this come out of your 5 year old son:

Evan: "Daddy, as boys, we have to do a lot of stuff around here to help out the girls. They need our help a lot. But, we know that they are in charge. Morgan and Mommy are the girls and girls are in charge of us so we have to do what they say."

Jalon tried to help Evan out before the words fell out of his mouth, unfortunately, he didn't make it.

There's nothing better than hearing those words and watching your husband shake his head in disappointment.

I gave Evan a high-five.

Now I know that all my hard work has finally paid off. Awesome.

That's all I have for today. Going to keep it brief because someone stinks and my house really needs to be cleaned up.

Next week, I'm going to try something a little different. There's a TON of recipes I want to try, so I'm going to give them a shot and post results on here, just in case your wanting to try them to. Most will be from Pinterest, but there are a couple from the Pioneer Woman I'm really wanting to give a shot. She's amazing.

Rules for those that "use" the gym.

We just signed up to join the YMCA (again) so we can run and get into shape until it's warm enough to run outside. I love running outside. It's been 6 degrees for a high lately, and while I do see people running outside during this, I'm not one of them.

I love the YMCA. I love how big it is.

There are many choices/options for all sorts of fun workouts. (Fun= hellish in this sentence.)

What don't I like?

People. (Yeah, I know, I don't like most people normally, so what makes this different? Just keep reading.)

This applies to every single gym I've ever been part of, but because the YMCA is a more popular/large facility, I think it happens more often here.

I made rules that I do believe everyone should have to follow.

Why did I do this? Am I boss of all the gyms? No, although I think I would make a good one.

I'm just fed up with it and need somewhere to express my sarcasm.

So here are some rules to make the gym more enjoyable for me and everyone else that wants to be part of it:

1. If you're at the gym- use the gym. I'm pretty sure I didn't just pay $105 per month to be part of Paris Fashion Week. I didn't see a red carpet or a runway when I first walked in. I also do NOT want to see your cleavage. Although, I'm betting my husband is thinking, "shuddup, if they want to show their cleavage, let them!" No. Girls, put your boobs away, take your makeup off (I know those eyelashes are fake! I can feel the breeze when you blink), put your hair up and break a sweat please.

2. If you hop on the treadmill next to me, you will suddenly be entered into a marathon race, where I will win at all costs.

3. Once again, if you are at the gym, use it. As in, if you can read a book, watch TV, or talk on the phone while working out, you're probably not doing anything beneficial. Why are you here again? If you don't leave the gym looking like someone beat you with a hot, wet towel, then just stay home. Please. I saw one girl walk around for a half hour like there was a photographer following her around. Didn't touch one machine the entire time, but darn it, she worked so hard to look so good.

4. Wipe down the machine. There are signs, sprays, towels to help this process and make it easier for you. I don't want my hands to slide around in your old sweat, especially when it was from your butt.

5. When running on the track (this has it's own special pile of rules):
            a. Please don't bump into me EVERY time you pass me. Or I end up slapping your balls on accident and no one wants that. I'm pretty sure it was his balls, since they were slightly squishy. Lucky me.
            b. There's a daycare downstairs. A great one that's free! Use. It. Please. I usually love kids, until I almost ran over a tiny 1 year old jogging around the track like a lost bunny.
            c. If you are there just to walk around the track, please, please, please, stick to one side. Doing the "where you going" dance EVERY time I have to lap you, gets annoying and it is very distracting.

These reasons are why I now run on the treadmill. I couldn't take it anymore. The track was one of the reasons I chose the YMCA and now I'm not even going to use it. Guess who's not happy? Big surprise, huh?

See? I should be the boss over all gyms.

Sorry it's been so long. I have no excuses. I've just been lazy.

I'm allowed a little bit of lazy...

I made this:


It's a bracelet. It was lots of fun to make and I was so unsure about it, but I have lots of great friends on Facebook that were very helpful and I decided to keep it.

Have a good rest of the week!

I'm here for YOU. You're Welcome.

Need something in your life, but you're just not sure what it is yet?

Well, rest assured, I hunted Craigslist and found some great things, just to help you out.

You are so lucky to have me.

What did I find that was so special?

Aroooo~! Love Werewolves? (Bloomington and around)

---

Date: 2012-12-16, 12:13PM CST

Reply to: kz2jc-3482404015@comm.craigslist.org^[?]

---

Hey I'm looking for others 18+ to discuss werewolf myths, books, movies, have coffee, trade recipes about meat and possibly work out to get ourselves into more werewolf-esc shape. Social group type setting. If you're therian also would love to chat.

Wow. See?

Look...I made you a new best friend! Or I just introduced you to someone that may eat you. Either way, fun way to start out a New Year, right?!

This one is even more special. He has a very, VERY specific image in his mind. In fact, he even has your new name picked out already. I'm guessing he already has a girl picked out and this is just one hell of a sarcastic posting, or he's serious and therefore, crazy.

But look at all the fun adventures! Change your name and dive in!

Adventurous guy looking for traveling/surfing partner (Twin Cities)

---

Date: 2012-12-12, 3:46PM CST

Reply to: jxmg3-3474164088@comm.craigslist.org^[?]

---

I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with laughing, traveling, and having fun. I'd like to hit as many surf destinations as we can together, Oz, Tahiti, France, Morocco, Brazil, Peru, South Africa. Okay, I know you won't surf South Africa, you can watch. I'd like to snowboard the Alps with you, (it will be fun, I'll go easy on you), and I'd like to see Machu Picchu with you for the first time, maybe it will be as memorable as Chichen Itza was when we saw it on my birthday (or Coba, for that matter) :). Rock climbing and mountain biking out west, road tripping through Central America and again in Canada in a van we live in (assuming you get your issue taken care of in our lifetime), and grabbing sushi in Japan would be a must. Greece and Italy would be done on our Mediterranean sailing adventure. I'd prefer a beautiful brunette, with deep brown eyes, smart, confident, funny, and the sexiest creature I've ever laid eyes on. Name of Emily preferred.

Not quite sure what this one means...but why not give it a try!

What could you possibly lose? Besides your soul...

going into spirit world need female (saint paul )

---

Date: 2013-01-07, 11:33AM CST

Reply to: xrn3p-3473888142@comm.craigslist.org^[?]

---

I need female for feedback,,9528184388textME or call lets have fun,, 

Need a date? Guess what I found?

TREASURE!

Yes ladies (sorry Men, you're on your own) I found the BEST of the BEST.

Be warned...I'm only posting titles on these. It's a filthy world out there. But some of these were just too funny to not post.

For your entertainment (or future dating pleasure):

1 legged transvestite midget.. - m4w - 47 - This is one hell of an attention grabber.


Seek a Woman with Open mind to Walking On Me - m4w - 48  Hot stuff. My husband tells me I walk on him all the time...didn't know men actually wanted this. Just kidding about the husband part...he's going to come home mad at me now.

This one is a dog, looking for a date for his owner.

I'm not sure if I'm creeped out or impressed by his creativity.

Woof Woof Ruff Ruff - 30 (WEST CENTRAL,WI)

---

Date: 2013-01-07, 7:56PM CST

Reply to: 3b4ph-3530014598@pers.craigslist.org

---

Hey ladies, my owner needs a good young lady that he can treat like a princess!

Trust me he's a great guy. He makes me great meals, takes me for walks and spoils me rotten! I LOVE IT! He makes sure I'm taken care of before he leaves to work, and takes care of me as soon as he gets home. Trust me on this one, you wont find a guy that'll treat you any better! Promise. He takes me fishing and hunting, but I always get to stay home when he goes snomobiling and out on the town. DARN! Oh and he likes to cuddle too. Woof woof for now, maybe I'll see you later.


P.S. ANd it's xmas time and he keeps making comment about he wishes I wasn't the only one he had to do nice things for.


~Me

Yup...I'm creeped out.

Maybe your job is boring and not exciting anymore?

Look at this!

Start your path to an exciting new career and become a Zombie Fighter

Zombie Fighting is a exciting new career path, that once the Zombie
Apoclypse occurs, will be in high demand. Fighting the undead is not
only a fun and fulfilling, but an important skill set necessary to
earn a living in any Zombie Wasteland. Don't be a victim of Zombie
violence, become a protector, creating your own enclave/bunker for
zombie defense.

 - WOW! You never know, right? Do it...save my life too, while you're at it.

Well, that's about it.

I could probably find more, but I don't want to overwhelm you will all the goods that you can find on Craigslist.

Good luck out there.


 

This Mom is going on Strike.

Hey there blog friends!

I'm going on strike because I suck as a Mom.

Why do I suck?

Evan's homework, for one.

He's 5.

In Kindergarten.

And he has homework. Annoying homework that takes 3 people and a closet full of craft supplies to accomplish. Crap on toast, like I have time for this. I know, it's only going to get worse as he gets older. But I'm hoping he will be able to reach his own craft supplies and read directions on his own at some point. It takes quite a bit of time and it's hard to remember it after a long day/night that just won't end.

It didn't seem that challenging at first. The teacher sends home a worksheet and you have to pick 3 items out of 9 to do. But each item is a full out project and some require items I don't even own. Like a Magna-doodle. Yeah...I don't have one of those and I'm not buying one JUST for homework that no one else will see.

She sends the worksheets home on Mondays and they are due on Friday.

So Thursday night, at 7:55 p.m., I'm scrambling around the kitchen with Evan trying to finish this darn homework in time.

Mom fail.

Then I forget about his "book in a bag" that he brings home every other day. Crap again. We have to read through that and do the project that goes along with it. One of the project suggestions? Make sock puppets out of the characters in the story book and act it out.

This sounds like fun. Sock puppets freak me out. How many extra socks do I have lying around? Not enough.

Along with book in a bag, he has flashcards. I love flashcards.

Unless I'm doing them with Evan. Then a simple project turns into emotional turmoil.

He freaks out under pressure. By pressure, I mean my looking at him while waiting for his answer.

This is all his homework. They also check out a library book and we're supposed to read this one too, which isn't too hard, unless your child brings home a random library book that's titled "CRAFT NIGHT". Lots of stuff to do. I have a hard time remembering to do all of this.

Which is why Evan was sent home with a note about how homework is due EVERY FRIDAY and he has only brought in 8/10 homework sheets.

Damn. Poor kid. It's not his fault. It's the TEACHERS.

Ok...fine. It's probably...maybe, my fault. I know I'm complaining a lot, just go with it for now.

Second, my husband stole the keys to my car.

Maybe he didn't mean to, but either way, they are at work with him. And I like them. I've formed a special bond with my keys. We work together so well. I keep them safe and warm and they start my car for me when I need to go somewhere. They hold lots of pretty, scanny card things that I use often. And I had a remote start that came in handy when it was too cold for me to walk out the door to start my car. Poop.

He texted me and let me know I had a spare hanging up that had a yellow tag.

After spending 5 minutes trying to start my car, with no luck, screaming with frustration over being late to drop Evan off at school, I called Jalon asking why my car wouldn't start.

Turns out there are two yellow tags hanging up with spare keys attached.

Lucky me...I picked the wrong one.

The key that held the other yellow tag goes to a vehicle we don't even OWN anymore. Why do we still have the key hanging up? Seriously....I'm asking you.

Third, I'm no longer making dinners for this household.

Does anyone want me to come make dinner for their home?

I made a delicious beef stew last night. It was wonderful. Full of meaty chunks of...meat. And potatoes, carrots, a rich, thick, hearty broth and plus, warm, buttery dinner rolls.

It was soooooooooooo good. The beef was cooked to perfection. Filled me up, warmed me to my bones on this cold, winter evening.

Did anyone in MY home eat this? Or wait...I should say, did anyone in my home eat this WITHOUT gagging?

Nope. Morgan threw potatoes at me, Evan practically teared up when I made him take a bite (he barely licked his spoon) and Declan wouldn't even make eye contact with me. The other, full grown adult in the home, gagged down the meat, but not without slightly snide comments about how disgusting it was.

Awesome.

3 hours and $16.00 later, I'm throwing away beef stew that my family refuses to touch because it looks weird.

I'm not sure if I should keep punishing them by making "disgusting" dinners or just make them eat peanut butter and jelly every night.

And by "disgusting" dinners I mean this:

- Anything in liquid (soups and stews)
- Spaghetti
- Hot dish

Some days, it sucks being the person in charge of making meals that no one will eat.

Some days just suck in general.

I better get moving. We are out of wipes and I just know that someone is going to fill their diaper before I can get more.

Crazy Conversations with a 5-year old

Conversations with my son Evan are always interesting.

Lately he's been heading into a more sarcastic phase, which is annoying for the most part, but awesome when it's not directed towards me. Here are some of our latest conversations that I've saved just for your enjoyment:

Christmas Fun:

Evan was part of the Nativity in our Church. His goal was to be an animal.
He runs up to me wearing a white sweatsuit and white, fuzzy animal ears.
Evan: "Mommy! Look! They made me a sheep!"
Me: "You are so cute!"
Evan: "I know. I have woolly clothes and I put on my antenna."

Holiday Blues:

Evan: "You better help me clean up Mommy."
Me: "Why should I help you clean up your mess?"
Evan: "Because, if you don't I won't make you a card for the holidays."
Me: "Dude, the holidays are over."
Evan: "What's in January then?"
Me: "Nothing..."
Evan: "So we just sit here then?"
Me: "Pretty much."
Evan: "I hate January."
Me: "Me too."

Crappy Dinners: Morgan has a tendency to enjoy spicy foods, like red hot jalapenos right off the vine. We think she burned off her taste buds which now allows her to consume very, very hot, spicy wings now. It's funny to watch every one else suffer and sweat while she chows down like it's nothing. We joke around often about her burned off taste buds because she also eats the most disgusting foods without issue. Like bananas dipped in ketchup.

Evan: "Mommy, this chicken is a little spicy."
Me: "I know. It's yummy though. Look, Morgan likes it."
Evan: "Morgan likes spicy because she doesn't have any taste. I wish I didn't have any taste for eating some dinners."

Statements that end up biting me in the butt:

Often, when we have to park far away from the store, Evan whines about the distance he has to walk. I usually say, "God gave us legs so we're going to use them."

Me: "Hey Evan, could you please grab me some tissue for my nose?"
Evan: "Mommy, God gave you legs too."

When Evan is at school, he tends to get in to trouble for talking to much so I tell him to put his listening ears on and pay attention so he doesn't miss anything important.

Me: "Did you have fun at the gym daycare when I was running?"
Evan: "Yeah, except there was a baby there and he was trouble."
Me: "Were you nice to him? You were a baby once you know."
Evan: "I know. I was nice. I'm big now. Bigger than Morgan and Declan."
Me: "You will always be bigger than Morgan and Declan."
Evan: "I'll be a girl before them."
Me: "What? You won't be a girl before them."
Evan: "I didn't say GIRL Mommy! I said GROWN-UP. P, P, P. Didn't you hear me? Put your listening ears on Mommy."
Me: "Geez...my bad."
Evan: "If you turn the radio down a little you could probably hear me."

Valid point. But still...shut up.

This kid is nuts.

There was even a day that he was standing behind me, playing with my hair. I could feel him kind of digging around, as if he was searching for something he lost.

Me: "Evan, what are you doing back there?"
Evan: "Searching for the eyes that are on the back of your head. I think they're hiding."

Yes. But they're there. Trust me.

My Mom has them too.

The Gym is a Torture Chamber in Disguise.

Day 1 of my "new" schedule.

"New" because I've added some gym time to it. We signed up for the YMCA and it offers daycare services! Woo-hoo.

I figured I could squeeze in an hour of gym time during my morning schedule, since I usually spend it reading, watching Doctor Who episodes or just general slacking off.

I thought, "Hey, this will be easy. An hour of gym time? Sure thing, let's do it!"

I decided to leave the house at 9:30, putting us at the gym around 9:45, allowing me time to drop off the kids, change my shoes and start running from 10-10:30, maybe toss in some weights and sit-ups from 10:30-11, grab the kids and be home by 11:30 for lunchtime. Sounds just about perfect, doesn't it?

Sounds completely opposite of how my life usually runs.

Which is why I shouldn't be surprised that my day actually went something like this instead:

9:00 a.m.- Decide I should start getting ready. Look up from Doctor Who and realize that kids are already dressed and since it only takes me 10 minutes to get dressed (prepped clothes night before for today) I could finish the last 10 minutes of my show.

9:15- Ok. I should get started now. Run to my room, toss on clothes, realize I should be starting the car, since it's 5 degrees outside and I'm wearing short pants.

9:20- Start car with remote start. I have 10 minutes before that shuts down automatically. Perfect timing...right?

9:21- Cell phone is ready and charged...but where are my headphones so I can listen to music? I can't run without music. Where are they? My husband charged the bluetooth ones last night, so they should be ready to go.

9:28- WHY CAN'T I GET THESE STUPID BLUETOOTH THINGS TO WORK! TWO BLUETOOTH DEVICES AND NOT ONE OF THEM IS WORKING FOR ME! SCREW IT. WHERE ARE MY OTHER HEADPHONES?!?!?!

9:35- Found 2 sets of normal headphones...finally. One set has a dead earpiece. Why do I still have these? Oh...for this moment, when I'm so desperate I may not have a choice. The other set is in a HUGE knot. Which one do I want to take?

9:40-De-tangled the knot, start getting kids ready to head out. Shoes, hats, gloves, jackets...one of them smells really, really, really bad. Of course I have to change a poopy diaper.

9:45- All changed and ready to head out. But now the car is off and freezing. Awesome.

10:00- Arrive at the gym and get in line to drop off kids. Yes, there's a line. And a million kids running around that place like they feed them crack crushed up in goldfishes. The ones that aren't running around are standing at the door, staring at me with tears in their eyes. Nice. Try to stamp down all those guilty-mom feelings that start to come up about now.

10:02- Get told my kids need wristbands to get inside. I have to leave the line to find the wristband station and try to put them on my kids. Morgan flips out and is trying to rip hers off. Declan is the only one that succeeds in this. I put hearts on hers in an attempt to convince her that this is a pretty bracelet. The look on her face tells me she's not buying the crap I'm selling. Too bad.

10:05-After another dance in line, I shove them through the door. Both decide it's safer to hold hands. They glance back at me with the most pathetic looks on their faces as if to tell me "Seriously? You're leaving us without a single weapon to defend ourselves? Crappy Mom alert." Mom guilt takes over for about 10 seconds until I realize that they know me better than I know me and since not one kid is wielding an axe or missing limbs, I decide it's perfectly safe and I get the heck out of there before I change my mind and keep this belly flab.

10:10- I find myself in the women's locker room, hunting for a random, dingy locker to put my street shoes and jacket. Find an open one in the corner. Worst idea ever. Corner lockers are the worst location. Everyone gathers in the corner. DON'T GO TO THE CORNER. But I'm stupid and to the corner I go.

10:12- Head upstairs where the track is and get my cell phone ready. Looking around, I realize that this gym is FULL. There are people all over the place. I thought 10 a.m. would be a little more calm, since I assumed most people worked. Wrong. It was insane.

10:25- I run for a mile. After that I quit. Hardest mile I've had to run. Not because I'm that out of shape (ok, a little because I'm out of shape) but because of the obstacle course that was set up as a distraction. Older people with walkers on the right hand side but sometimes tend to stray towards the middle. A Mommy club, complete with baby carriers using this as a gossip station rather than an actual track and not paying attention to how much room they are actually taking up. I had to weave through their course several times. A guy was sitting on the track so he could text on his cell phone. Must have been SUPER important. One girl decided that it would be grand to do sit-ups directly in the middle of the track. Turns out I CAN do hurtles. Another couple walked right in front of me, too busy talking to realize that the track is usually meant for exercise. Screw it. It's amazing that I actually made it to a mile with all that I had to get around.

10:45- Trying out an elliptical machine. It has TV on it. And a built in fan. Glamorous.

11:00- Whew. Time to get out of here.

11:10- Still waiting to get to my locker. Some woman in the same corner decided to remove ALL her clothing and has to spend the next 5 minutes lacing up her combat boots. After all the waiting, I realize that I have the wrong corner locker. Nice.

11:12- Find my kids in hell. Morgan is wandering around, as if lost, with tears in her eyes. Apparently she just kept saying "scissors" because she wanted her wristband off. She should have asked Declan because his was missing. Declan didn't even care that I came back. They had to pull him away from the train table.

11:15- Head out the door and start walking to our car, that has to be a mile away from us, and a car starts to slowly follow us down the row. I freak out a little as it keeps following us, so slowly. I realize he's going to follow me to my parking spot. I look down the way and 5 cars down from me are 3 open spots. Wow. You came to the gym to work out but can't walk the extra 10 feet? Seriously.

11:25- Finally in my car, ready to head home. I took my time because of the creep following me. I buckled the kids in all slow, hooked up my cell phone to my radio, blew my nose, scraped the windshield...but there he sat. If he had parked in one of the MANY other spots, he could have been done with his workout by the time I left that spot. Not exactly the nicest thing I've ever done, but after that workout, I wasn't in the best place.

That was fun.

Can't wait to repeat this tomorrow...and the next day. And the next. And the one after that...

I must be crazy.